Friday, July 17, 2009

CONVERSATIONAL STORM-SURGE

Nope, I have no idea what he's talking about, not a clue. Normally the stuff that comes out of his mouth makes scant sense anyhow. Some days he's better than other days. But even at his best, you rather wish you hadn't started the conversation for fear of where he'll take it.

He's just not as firmly anchored in my version of reality as you or I could wish.


I am talking about the head of the security detail watching the building, of course. Whenever I see him on my way in or out I say 'hi'. Which will always prompt some odd nonsequitorial dialogue. Such as the time he responded by telling me all about the colours of a butterfly he had seen years ago. Or when he started speculating about height-augmentation for bald people, so that the tops of their heads would not show.

It took me several months to realize that his private thoughts were always of a richness beyond normal comprehension. Very complex, too.

Today, as I wait for the elevator, I can hear and see him speaking to nobody. He's pacing around animatedly, and giving voice.


"When the Jedi and the Sith meet up again, there will be blood let me tell you! Righteousness will be restored, justice! The sands of the hot planet will be crimson and wet with the liquid of combat, and it will be good again!"


Should I be worried that the guard unit is commanded by someone with a rich inner life? Or are these operational details that he is mulling over, out loud?

"There are screws at the bottom of each saber - some go left, some go right."

I did not know that.

"Some are green - a green so intense that you cannot see it. Only the pure of heart can see it."

At this point a woman who came into the lobby just a moment ago turns around and leaves. She works in the building, and I was expecting her to come over to the elevators.
I am now alone with the increasingly agitated security personage.

"The force is sometimes so great that it carries you into the path of tractor beams. Engineers of the Guild Academy are cognizant of the problem, but they just aren't doing anything! They refuse! They refuse!"


As the elevator doors close, I can hear him gasping "there are SPIKES under their ROBES!"


Good thing it's the end of the week. He sounds like he needs a few days off.

178 comments:

Ari said...

I've always been intrigued by the apparent fascination with science fiction that autistic folk have. Why not a different genre? This calls into question, of course, the relative sanity of "normal" science fiction enthusiasts. Some of these, um, life forms are highly intelligent, but intelligence is overrated. It's just not going to do you much good if you can understand Klingon, but not be able to locate the elevator button, or color-coordinate one's clothes, say.

Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

intense!

Telmac said...

^___
^

Tzipporah said...

Ari, color coordination is overrated.

And these days, doctors are advising us to use the stairs... ;)

The back of the hill said...
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The back of the hill said...

Craphoola!

Third time is a charm?

Op hoop van zegen dan maer.

The back of the hill said...

Third time apparently is NOT a charm.
Just copy-paste. That'll work too.

Ari said...

hann'yyo ujudhueiusmm'ukssdh ikjrhes aellei (Klingon for "That was informative, and a little disturbing.")

The back of the hill said...

REPLACEMENT OF EARLIER COMMENT:

Ari,

Not only should the well-rounded Geek understand Klingon, but also Ferenghi, and whatever language the Jem'Hadar speak. In addition, it is a mark of intellectual distinction of one also has more than passing familiarity with extremely unusual languages, especially if there are less than a dozen people that speak them.


There are of course people who speak Hobbit or Elf - but we hold no truck with such things. Those are for rabbits and weenies. They should eternally use the stairs.

出会い said...
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The back of the hill said...

I have NO idea what the previous comment means. None. But as it has no clickable links, it probably isn't commercial spam. So I let it through.

The address link goes to a site that is just as unintelligible. At first scope-out.

救援部 said...
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The back of the hill said...

NOTE: Previous comment is an advertisement for Japanese pornography. I accidentally hit 'publish' when I menat reject.
I do not particularly regret doing so - there's always the chance that a nice little yeshivebocher will cruise in here looking for a different take on Talmud-Toire, and happily discover matters that refresh. I encourage that. May we all be refreshed.

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The back of the hill said...

Comment above published for one reason only: to encourage the continuation of the slew of weird Japanese comment spam, which seems, from what little I can tell, to be related to feminine health, hygiene, or sexuality.

More likely the latter. I suspect that the link goes directly to a naughty site. Kidos, gentlemen - you are adding appreciably to a delightful absurdity in this comment string - which no one except yourself and myself ever visit.

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The back of the hill said...

Good lord, more smut spam! And here I thought it was about furniture!

Oh well...... no one except spammers visit this comment string anymore anyhow.

SOS少女 said...
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The back of the hill said...

I have to wonder - do Japanese spammers REALLY think that Japanese perverts scour this blog for droolables?

How strange that they should consider this comment string, and no other, the perfect spot to place a smut note.

Tssk, tssk, Japanopervs. Tssk, tssk.

家出 said...
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The back of the hill said...

My dear 家出,

May I suggest that you take a GOOOOOD look at this post:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2009/10/in-praise-of-japanese-pornospambots.html

[Clickably: SPORMBATS]

I think you will find it quite 'interseting'.

And thank you for visiting.

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The back of the hill said...

Oh good. Not porn spam. Daruma spam.

Unless Daruma is subtly advertising titty, of course. But it appears clean.

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The back of the hill said...

The poster above is trolling for a Japanese dating service.

Who knew the marriage crisis had reached such epic proportions?

Though methinks whatever shidduch or linkup results from subscribing to the above is doomed to apathy.

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The back of the hill said...

Yep, no idea what the comment immediately above is trying to sell.

The link goes to a very clean (no smut) entry form, which asks what your gender is, and what blood type you are.

H-checker. No idea. Really. But it still probably has to do with sex - anything from mild perversions all the way through serious dating.

Anonymous said...
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家出 said...
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The back of the hill said...

Mmmmm, zesty!
Yueh hsia mei ren.

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困っています。 said...
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The back of the hill said...

The comment immediately above, from モテる度, links to a site called 'MOTE CHECKER'.
In Japanese. Japanese motes, or any other motes, are a subject of which I know little. Yet, and never-the-less, I doubt that my motes need any checking. For those who are curious, the site asks among other things what your gender might be.
Please decide for yourself whether you are 男 (masculine) or 女 (feminine).
It will also require your 血液型 (blood-type): O型 , A型 , B型 , AB型 .
Perhaps because you may have an unexpected hemorrhage while 'enjoying' the services of mote checker. Everything is possible. 

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The back of the hill said...

The link above (右脳左脳チェッカー) goes to a site called 'brain checker'. Which starts its querying by asking for your blood-type.

The Japanese have fixated on blood type as a significant contributor or marker of personality, intelligence and abilities, and potential friendships, soul-mate matchability, and future progressions. In point of fact, there is no evidence that blood-type has such great import. So this must be seen as a charming cultural eccentricity, much like Americans fascination with what football team you favour as also having precisely those connotata.

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Kinky Kate said...

How about some nice videos featuring Japanese girls doing vibrant things?

Go here for several nice clips: http://snarkmistress.blogspot.com/.

I hope you and the boys enjoy them.
Feel free to leave feedback - I'm always keen for titillation.

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