Americans have a hair fetish. I realized this yesterday afternoon when I went to Walgreens for some shampoo. If it weren't for the American bosom-fixation, there would be no naked-women porn at all, just lots of glossy pictures of coiffures, and late-night wig stores all over the place.
The Walgreens near the office has an entire aisle of shampoo. It just does not have any normal shampoo.
It has products with tea tree oil, herbal extractives, lavender, blossoms, fruit essences, frootiqueries, lactobang, egg-yolk and verbena, sandalum alba, olive oil, vitamins E, C, A, mineral supplement shampoo, environmental shampoo, extra shine, therapeutic, deep-cleansing, soothing, ayurvedic, yin-yang, ylang-ylang, blonde bombshell super-mane, dyed hair, soft hair, delicate hair, dry hair, fragile hair, insecure hair, special hair, and office bitch from hell attitude hair.
Multiples from several different manufacturers, including the Japanese.
It differs from the Walgreens near my apartment, which has at least three nice unstinky shampoos for 'normal hair', and not very much else.
You might think that I would simply hold-off until I got back to my own neighborhood and buy a familiar product, but you would be wrong.
I cannot go to the Walgreens in my neighborhood.
It isn't because I propositioned a nice teenage clerky-poo behind the counter, or exposed myself in the aisle with the pads for the elderly. Nothing like that at all. Nor have I developed an issue regarding the large spotty spectacles-woman who manages the place.
I do not go there because that entire intersection is filled with street people, drawn by the bright lights of a drugstore which is open till twelve, the magnetism of two insta-tellers, a movie theatre, liquor stores and restaurants, and a discount tobacco centre which is open in the evening.
The frenetic buzzing disturbs me, I'll Walgreenize near work, thank you.
So I bought the most unfroofroo shampoo I could find.
GILLETTE CLEAN AND REFRESHING SHAMPOO - 'with refreshing mint'.
I am willing to try something new. Even hair mint.
A brief note about the bathroom. See, the shower thingy doesn't work, hasn't functioned for ten years. I could get the manager in to fix, like the last time, but it doesn't seem worth it for something that, in theory, I could do myself, but haven't. So instead, Savage Kitten and I take baths and rinse off afterwards by dumping buckets of water over ourselves. The net result is the same.
And perhaps I should also explain that mint not only refreshes, but sometimes nips, stings and tingles - especially on the squidgy bits. Of which, sitting in the warm water while lathering my hair I slowly became aware. Acutely. A sensation of increasing warmth, tingle, and itch, in a place where at the time I did not want either warmth or tingle. Or itch.
This is not a problem that can be solved by simply standing up, as the mint extractives which cause the issue will still be in the water droplets pearling the naked body. And standing up abruptly with the eyes closed is not a good idea - not in a bath tub.
I can see the headline already: "ambulance hauls away naked minty man", or "nude breaks leg due to crotch itch".
I do want to be famous, but not that way.
It reminded me of a time when the shower still worked. Years ago I used to bottle my own hot sauce, made with Scotch Bonnet peppers and Habaňeros. I would go through pounds of chilies, cutting them open to check for rotten spots before dumping them in the blender. Doing so one day, at one point I needed to visit the powder room. Meh, no problem, wash hands thoroughly with strong soap, two or three times, before.....................
I spent an hour under an ice-cold shower that day. I remember it well.
Anyhow, the minty component of this new shampoo is not quite in that league. Not enough to cause accidents by a long shot. And I do indeed feel clean and refreshed. Oh boy do I ever.
I want to sniff myself.
Mmmmm, zesty!
I smell good. I am fresh. Oh yes!
I like how I feel - I will keep this tingly product.
I can't wait till Savage Kitten discovers the new shampoo.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
THEIR NATURAL HABITAT
There are more dogs in this neighborhood than children. One very rarely sees people walking their children outside when one is, hypothetical...
6 comments:
At this point I would just like to interject: you DO lead an interesting life.
And I would interject that he is a smelly man.
---Grant Pong
The Doctor is a very crude man.
So are the panties minty yet? Has she washed with the pudina shampoo? Are they now fresh?
You know, you can sell them at high price to Japanese business men..... assuming, of course, that they are not big as a boat, but small and petite.
As I have no doubt that she is. You do not strike me as a man who hunts the heffalumps.
---Grant Preoccupied
My dear Randy pants Patel, this is getting a little too close to private matters, and regarding HER panties, I shall divulge no details. That would be ungentlemanly.
Other than mentioning that she in no way resembles the usual bunch of profoundly lonely and unloveable nominal females who join Women in Black. Who blame Israel for their utter unlovability. And their personal problems, and social handicaps.
She is, indeed, smaller than them. Physically.
But her panites are not anyone else's business. Whereas their panties might give everyone else nightmares. Both in the flesh, and in the fabric. Both intellectual nightmares, and very real nightmares.
Why am I talking about Women in Black? Is it because I find them repulsive? Is it because I consider them nighmarish creatures? Is it because I want to distract you from Savage Kitten's physical attributes and taste in cotton? Or is it because I want to create a set of images in your mind to punish you, and disabuse you of enquiring into matters of you do not need to know?
Possibly all of the above. Stay away from the sgnifothers panties.
They're mine, do you hear, I saw them first!
Oooop.
I seem to have strayed distractedly.
Post a Comment