Thursday, July 31, 2008

SPRINGY ROUND BOTTOMS

In everybody's circle of friends and acquaintances there are few who habitually show up late. Whether it's for a simcha, supper, or an important appointment.

Sometimes, showing up late is a metaphor - they're actually on time, but the train hasn't left the station, the boat is still at the dock, and the elevator is stuck a few floors down from the top.


I have received the following plaintive e-mail from one such person:

Dear xxxxx,
This message is to inform you that you have received a personal invitation from your friend, (mxxxsxxx) to join them at GayGuysChat.com
Please take time to visit them using the following link: GayGuysChat.com
Regards,
GayGuysChat Support


Oh boy. I'm tempted. The sheer amount of havoc I could wreak is staggering. Problem is, I'm not gay. As the sender knows.
He just hasn't quite figured out how to mail an invite from gayguyschat to a limited subsection of his address book yet.

Perhaps I should sweetly inquire whether he needs a few pointers on how to use a computer.
But I probably won't - this is not the first time I have received his kindly gayguyschat invite - he has been sending gayguyschat invites repeatedly to all several hundred people in his address book since January, I think, when the first blistering fire-storms burst out from outraged recipients, some of whom had not heard from him in years.

"You don't call, you don't write, I never hear from you, and this is the first thing I get since I sent you a present on your birthday? Your father and I are very upset!!!"

Or:
"You never congratulated your niece on her graduation, you didn't even send a get-well card after the horrible accident, you ignored your own brother when he was dying of cancah, but this(!) you can send?!?*&*?"


I wonder what gay guys chat about. Straight people? Sex?

Football players?

Football players well-rounded bottoms in tight shiny uniform pants?


I must admit that straight people and sex do indeed interest me - heck, fascinate me no end at times - but football players and their shiny uniformed bottoms are not high on my list of things I really must investigate.

If a football player, even one with a very nice springy round bottom in a tight uniform, were to pass by, I would not break stride.
His very nice springy round bottom (uniformed or otherwise) would remain unpatted, unpinched, unobserved. I would not wax lyrical about its springy roundness afterwards, would write no paeans to its tightly uniformed glory, poetize no lyrics to its pattable and pinchable beauty.


There is only one kind of nice springy round bottom that interests me. It is not discussed at gayguyschat, of that I am certain. Despite the uniform.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gayest post yet.
Joy.


Lev

Anonymous said...

I mean, for shame. A shanda. Yes that's it.


Lev

Spiros said...

You seem to have channeled "In Living Color"'s Super Bowl halftime show of about 15 years back very nicely.
Football...feh.

Anonymous said...

Disgusting perversion. With that title, you will attract all the wrong people, guaranteed - it's as bad as if you posted the terms Jesus, End of Days, Salvation, Christ, My Sins, Christianity, Saints, The Damned, The Selct, The Elect, The Divine, Mary-mother-of-Christ, Baptism.....

Heck, worse even than Panties, Schoolgirls, Teenagers, Virgin, Blush, Socks, Ribbons.....

Barely better than job, head, hand, head, foot, head, or several terms having to do with Serbia.


---Grant Patel

Spiros said...

CUIDADO LOS UOMBATS!

Spiros said...

...and, for the sheer heck of it:
Why Jesus?

The Big Little Tommy said...

Pray-tel, what do gay guys chat about? I know what they chat about on those chat lines, i was chatting about the same things 32 years ago. But alas,the only gay guys i chat with now chat only about life in general and current events and movies and food and hey...probably a lot like what straight guys talk about.

Anonymous said...

Does Jesus have a springy round bottom? I sure hope so. It will make heaven much more appealing.

Anonymous said...

Suddenly, I crave springy eggrolls.

Anonymous said...

Rule No. 1 - No Pooftahs!

shouldn't that be spr*ngy b*tt*ms?

though I think pooftahs go for t*ght t*sh

Some g*rls have spr*ingy b*tt*ms
helps them sit on hard chairs

Anonymous said...

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

Spiros said...

Why Jesus?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Patel, while I can grasp how Jesus through Baptism might lure in trolls, I am at a loss regarding panties, schoolgirls, teenagers, virgin, blush, socks, ribbons. I fail to see the attraction of these words. Well panties and anything girls perhaps, also teenagers and virgins.

Blush, socks, robbons? WTF?

And the last list is completely nuts: job, head, hand, head, foot, head, or several terms having to do with Serbia. Pray ellucidate. What is the connection between parts of the body and Servia, and why should that attract blog trolls?

Is this some whacky conspiracy theory?


Lev

Anonymous said...

And why all the head? Serbians are into head?

Is head a Jesus thing?


Lev

Anonymous said...

Lev-ity is the soul of dyspepsia.

Anonymous said...

Cuidado los Wombottems!


---Grant Patel

Anonymous said...

When girls with springy warm bottoms sit on chairs, one has to crouch to enjoy the assthetics. This is a problem.


---Grant Patel

Anonymous said...

Pray-tel, what do gay guys chat about?

That's PA-tel. Not Praytel. Patel. And the buggery bally bollocks should I know?

I'm the one who crouches to admire FEMALE springiness. Male springiness is a problem I do not even wish to deal with. They can spring each other all they want, more for me.


---Grant Patel

BBJ said...

You think you've got troubles? I've been getting, for YEARS, offers of all kinds of medical help to increase my penis size. I keep trying to tell them, you have to have something to work with...

Anonymous said...

I keep trying to tell them, you have to have something to work with

Start with three inch augmentation.


---Grant Patel

Spiros said...

You think you've got problems? I keep getting phone calls offering to lower my auto insurance or refinance my mortgage; while I most assuredly have a penis, I own neither a car nor a house, and I find these efforts to inculcate house and/or car envy to be more than a little insulting.
Evidently, I am not a good American; I am not part of the great consuming backobne of this great country.

ONE! said...

You are the first listed in in this post:
http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2009/04/great-blogs-mighty.html

And you also show up on that writer’s blogroll - along with ten or twenty chocolate sources and four or five Hello Kitty sites. Among other things.

Did she start blogging because of you?
Her first post (http://deathbynoodles.blogspot.com/2008/11/first-post.html) does not mention reason for blogging - but one has suspicions. One does.

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