If you've read me at all in the last week, you may have come to the conclusion that I am full of bile, a bad-tempered old git.
Not in the slightest! I am one of the sunniest people I know!
For one thing, I take joy in life. I appreciate the finer things. In no particular order, these are Scotch whisky, pipe-tobacco, and anal-retentive teenagers.
You might have thought, based on my eloquent disquisitions about manga, pantsu, and schoolgirls, that I would love ALL teenagers, or leastways the women among them. That would have been utterly incorrect. Most teenagers, an overwhelming majority, are flawed.
They overlook details that aren't important to themselves, can't seem to do basic math, say stupid things, and generally act like idiots. These are behavioural patterns that they don't start losing until they are in jail or their early thirties. They are very irritating, meod.
Anal-retentive teenagers are quite different. They do not offend. They have a praiseworthy attention to detail. They understand math. They remember exactly who ordered precisely what at the lunch counter.
Anal-retentive teenagers are so different from others of their age that they look absolutely, stunningly, dazzlingly, hot. A miracle.
That shy mousy little thing with the coke-bottle bottom spectacles, pimply forehead, and ill-fitting blouse? She remembered that I wanted only three slices of pickle and no onion. She spotted me waiting for my food across a crowded room.
She is a veritable Dorothy Dandridge!
That gangly geek with the pursed lips, blinking eyes, and blotchy skin? When I said I wanted my wiener slightly burnt, she asked if I meant just a bit blackened, or actually caramelized and slightly crusty?
Truly, a radiant and zesty Josephine Baker among the sausage handlers!
The short plump girl-child with the jagged bangs and pudgy fingers? Dark toasted sourdough, fresh Jalapenos (instead of pickled), and round cheese instead of Kraft slices. Not so much avocado. Cut straight across rather than diagonal - she understood that it made the sandwich easier to hold with less chance of stuff falling out, without my having to explain it. The result wrapped in a very precise and neat manner.
Sweetie, you are Clara Bow, your eyes are sultry and haunting!
It goes almost without saying that these little ladies are all utterly, utterly desirable. Luscious, juicy, fresh, cheesecake, pie, peaches, cream, and caviar. Ideal women in the making.
Or am I just associating them with food?
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MAY GET DIZZY, DON'T GET PREGNANT
After picking up my refills I mentally calculated how often I've been to that pharmacy. More times than my years of age. Which is not su...
9 comments:
then maybe 'splain this to me Ricky...
Was this man an anal retentive teen at one time?
http://www.wwmt.com/news/sauce_1350893___article.html/basement_covered.html
P'raps he was some sort of modern-day saucerer..
Yep.
Tinfoil and pickle-relish.
They sympathize with his predicament.
It is touching.
Done.
Contextually an orphan, but done.
These comments make no sense. You were drunk when you wrote them?
Lev
The other day I hit geferlach traffic, I could see it was really bad so I says "heck, let me try local, can't be worse than this..."
To make a long story short, I drove by the cigar store, and the car miraculously left the road, parked in front of the shop, and the seat ejected me. I thinks to meself, this must be a heavnly sign for me to enter the store - not buying anything, of course, just snuffing 'round - 'twas birthday season at the Izrael residence, and the collection agencies are hounding around day and night. To make a long story short, out I come with two of your suggestions, the Peterson Serlock Holmes and the Balkan from Saesini (why can't Nordics have simple names like Peterson and McCelland? Or at least something simple like Schwartsberger and Gruenwald?)
Anyway, the Sherlock is good, but I was more impressed with the Balkan. McClellands has one called Syrian Balkan Super, I thik it is more 'beefy', but I'd have to compare closely. Anyway, nothing beats those nice tins, certainly not my store's ziplock bags. Tho it's easier to fill a pipe from the bag. You should write an article about Euro tins vs. US tins & bags. I still have to try the other two. Yet I'm still most tempted by the flavored ones from the store. Next time I'll get the nougat flavor, as well as the black cavendish with lots of vanilla. Nothing beats that one.
Oh, just one sec, I forgot to tell you I recently discovered the light bulb. Or at least powdered milk: if you fill the pipe from the side, i.e. you don't push downwards but stack it in your fingers and press to the walls, it's easier with something flat like a popsicle or knife, and pack it well without stuffing the canal, you get a very full and easy smoke that doesn't go out easily and lasts long.
Now if I may make a few suggestions to you from my OCD: check out 'Birds Of Fire' by Mhavishnu Orchestra, 'Heavy Horses' by Jethro Tull, 'The Tain' by Horslips and 'Concertio de Aranjuez' by Paco de Lucia. If you can put up with heavy metal check out the new Priest, "Nostradamus", it's very good. You don't have to be a big metal lover to like it, it's kinda different with lots of synth and orchestration (part real), but still firm metal.
Teenagers and sandwitches? Teenagers and mayaonaise! Oh indeed. I see. You are twisted.
The concept of teenagers and mayonaise is just too dangerous to be let loose on the public.
Consequently I am very tempted to do just that.
Teenagers and mayonnaise! We want teenagers and mayonnaise!
Roll us up Jesus with teenagers and mayonnaise!
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