NATIONAL DONUT DAY!

Today is for all intents and purposes a Dutch American holiday, or at least the closest we'll ever come to that, so I expect parades, marching bands, and clog dancing troupes down main street. Plus festive decorations! We invented the donut. We also invented scalping and the corncob pipe, but seeing as smoking is no longer a smiled-upon activity, and scalping only caught on among the natives, who were warlike and didn't cotton to Christianity until we forced it upon them, I don't expect those to be celebrated. But donuts and diabetes, we can take credit for those. Certainly people in the Deep South have benefitted from them.
Some of them enormously. Enormously! Damn!


All over Main Street America, motorized personal mobility scooters are headed toward bubbling deep fryers as we speak. Kind of like Shriners in those little go-carts.


Festive, delicious, and deadly. What's more all-American than that? And both of those things are older than the country itself, so well worth lauding and applauding. Think of it as a preamble to Independence Day on July Fourth, just better.
And no space aliens!


Also, entirely without the drunken frat boys of other common nationwide celebrations, such as Cinco De Mayo and Saint Patrick's Day. Or Superbowl Sunday.

You know you want to see clogdancers in short frilly skirts, you might as well admit it.

Nothing else is going right in this country, you need a break. Start the day off right. Donuts. Then zesty clogdancers. Then the burning of politicians in effigy. Or in real life, I wouldn't mind, personally, but sadly there are laws against that.

By the way, clogdancers come in both genders and all ages.
To satisfy every appetite and praedilection.
It's what Only Fans is all about.
America, bitches.


Happy, happy, happy!


Here's wishing everyone a loaded deepfryer on this special day.




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