DRINK MORE COFFEE!

Seeing as when I'm at work I deal with a lot of old men, I have become very conscious of urination. For John's "benefit" about three months ago I started loudly ranting about narrow urethras, enlarged prostates, and bladder issues which you really must see a professional about dear man, about twenty minutes before I will firmly throw him the hell out and lock the door. Jeff gets to hear precisely how many minutes he took in there. Once or twice it has taken him up to ten minutes. On the plus side, unlike John, he doesn't wait until just before the end of the day.

The other gentlemen take variable times, but they often wish to go at the same time. I do not want to let them use the employees bathroom when theirs is occupied, because they're very much like tourists in that regard: messy. Many American men, while adeptly demonstrating that they think with that appendage, are not very good at using it.
Apparently they can't hit anything smaller than an elephant.

Plus the older they get, the more petulant as well as casual they become.
Apathetic urgency, and whiny emotion. Kvetchy. And sloppy.

Which is where coffee comes in. Boys, drink more coffee. Yes it will make you even more unbearable than you already are, but coffee is a diuretic, see, and the more encouragement it needs, either vocal or chemical, to make you go is a blessing.

I'm tired of being held hostage by your pissing.

If you drink a cup of strong coffee you will need to micturate within two hours. I know it works, because I have two cups in the morning before I get ready to work. With regularity!

Heck, boys, one cup before I go out to smoke my pipe, and I can barely wait to use the bog when I get back.

Tea, not so much. It's not nearly as effective.

Have some coffee instead of whiskey after lunch. It will be better for your mind, and better for your bladder. Probably better for your social life too. You won't be nearly so obnoxious.



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