You may have gathered that I like watching women eat, yes? Nothing is more adorable than a woman with bright smiling eyes, and evident intelligence and personality, tucking into food with gusto.
Such as a young lady devouring a steak. It was big and rare. She had a salad with blue-cheese dressing alongside, and a plate of crispy fries.
After which she sucked down a huge bowl of ice-cream.
She's only sixteen. And totally delicious.
Her cheeks glow when there is meat.
No, you filthy-minded pervert, I do NOT know her, and I'm NOT aspiring to get into her lace-trimmed good graces! She and her parents were having dinner at the same place, celebrating her birthday. I listened in on their conversation and lip-smacking moans.
Their steaks were smaller than hers, but they shared the fries.
To make up for their smaller portions, they had some wine with dinner; she looked at the bottle speculatively, but decided not to push the envelope.
A young woman with such developed tastes will probably experiment with cigars when she's in college. Big dark Maduro double coronas and Churchills. Either Joya de Nicaragua, or Arturo Fuente.
The veining on the wrapper leaf will be a seductively tactile experience, the silkiness of the tight rod of rolled tobacco will invite an eager button nose to smell of its fragrance.
Long filler, evenly packed, and a firm ash.
She'll savour every moment.
Avo Uvezian makes damned fine cigars that you might like, and I have a soft spot for Aroma De Cuba. Flor de Las Antilles is deservedly gaining a good name, and you cannot go wrong with a Davidoff. More affordable than that, but definitely a product of high quality, are the Butera cigars, which I highly recommend. Rocky Patels are a bit iffy, and avoid Macanudos, as they are frequently stored under abominable conditions in the backs of liquor stores, next to the sheesha.
Get the Hoyo de Monterey instead; less of a gamble.
Although, if you can find it, the Macanudo Vintage 1997 Perfecto is a marvelous cigar. An incredibly broad and rich flavour-spectrum in a refined shape, dark and elegant, matured prime quality leaf, and very well made.
A classic, worth every penny of your allowance.
Or baby-sitting money.
But ideally, she should smoke a pipe. It's more civilized. And more bang for the buck. A goodly bowl filled with rich sooty English will last longer than a cigar, and cost a mere fraction of the money. More enjoyable, a broader range of taste, and considerably more oral satisfaction.
In the pipe tobacco field, Greg Pease's Odyssey is a very full Latakia mixture well worth trying, but Abingdon is probably more suitable.
Caravan, Lagonda, and Maltese Falcon are also respected players in this league, and very much recommended. But Greg's Westminster is a must-try, absolutely. Nothing says 'old-fashioned English mixture' quite like this brilliant tribute to classic Londonian tobaccos.
While I recommend medium-full Oriental blends, such as the ones mentioned above, at this very moment I am smoking a pressed Virginia in a meerschaum pipe. Meerschaums are exceptionally lady-like; so much so that a venerable gentleman yesterday said "I hope you aren't going to light that pussy thing here!". I didn't.
Nor did I mention that his beautiful Barling Canadian would've have suited a vivacious high-school girl playing hooky out near the dump.
Either way, it might be best to indulge in these tempting depravities entirely in private. Many men will feel inadequate when they see her with a large cigar, and sneer in their frustration. Little girlie with a cheroot, hah! What does she think she knows? Hmmph! And if she smokes her pipe in public, shy young men will come nuzzling up to her, wagging their imaginary tails, to lisp that she reminds them of their grandfathers. Why, the smell of her full Latakia mixture brings back such wonderful memories, would she mind if they lay down panting and drooling at her feet for a while?
Altogether VERY embarrassing!
And so inconvenient.
Six or seven years from now, when she is home for summer break, and totally desperate for a smoke (because she's hiding her hobby from her kinfolk), I would love to offer her sanctuary. Come on in, my dear.
Here's some sherry, and an ashtray, make yourself at home.
We can talk about the Toba and Karo Bataks.
I'll share everything I know.
Thank god that Van Der Tuuk's great grammar of the Batak language has been translated into English. I have a copy of it, it's behind the tins of Rattray's tobacco on the top shelf in the teevee room.
Here, let me lift you up so you can root around.
Perhaps we can use the ladder?
TOBACCO INDEX
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