ADVERSE REACTION TO VERY YANKEE FOOD

The perfect breakfast: preserved meat products and chilies on good bread, preferably sourdough. That's the same, by the way, as the perfect dinner. And the perfect mid-night snack.
We have sourdough here. We're somewhat famous for it.
And you'd think we also had the chilies.
There are indeed chilies.


But the problem is that they appear to be white folks chilies. Yes, they look like Jalapeños. And they have an appealing snap. But they are NOT hot.
Not even mild. The same heat-level as bell-peppers.

Years ago I read that some cad had invented a breed of chili pepper for the public in the North-East, as they were bloody desperate for nachos, but couldn't stomach flavour... errrm, I mean 'bite'.
It was a capsaicin-free Jalapeño.
Suitable for Wasps.

Chilies acceptable to New Englanders are an abomination, and obviously there are far too many of those people in the rest of the country.
We need a wall around the Atlantic States.

Damn you wussy Wasps, why are you ruining my life?!? Or trying to?
Especially my sandwiches. The last dozen Jalapeños I had were nothing more than salad vegetables. Good for the digestion, I'm sure, but entirely without zing. No bite, no peppiness, no wow. Am I now going to have to switch to chiltepin or chile de arbol? Do you know how many blocks I'd have to walk to find a market with fresh chiles de arbol for sandwiches?
Chiles Serranos, perhaps, grown in hundred degree heat?
And are you going to ruin those next?

Have you palid-taste white-breads considered simply learning how to eat? Instead of dumbing down everything to your level? You messed up corn and tomatoes a few decades ago, the sandwich meats you like are crap (dubious meat by-products, with glucose, binders, filler, extra salt, extra preservatives, and extra fat), your bread sucks eggs big-time, your bacon consists of sugar-cured pig wax, and everything in a box in the freezer section proves that you guys have no taste and can't cook.

Kindly keep your pasty flavourless hands off of our chilies.

I had to bring out the hot sauce to up the flavour quotient.
Instead of relying on fresh green peppers.
It just wasn't the same.


By the way: your clambakes are horridly indigestible because you overcook your seafoods, your baked beans are absolutely nauseating, the less said about those vile cream pies the better, and let's face it, clam chowder is even at the best of times a bowl of bland glue. You folks are culinarily backward, and a blight upon the planet.
Sweet jayzits almighty.
Barbarians.


Capsaicin-free Jalapeños.
Bah.



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