SHENANIGANIC INSTRUCTIONS FROM OUR FRIENDS IN DELHI

On a whim I cruised into the website for the Times of India, and a fascinating article caught my eye.
So naturally I wish to share it with you.

[Actually it wasn't a whim. I was looking for stuff about Admiral Mullen's recent remark about India's despicable and thoroughly loathsome neighbors, that being Pakistan - a country that should be made to disappear, along with all of its degenerate population.]

It's a fascinating article. With valuable pointers.



What women don't want before sex
Sep 24, 2011, 12.00AM IST

Most women have a long list of 'don'ts' that they want their man to know. So, instead of second guessing, just read this list and read her mind the next time you both are getting intimate.

[source: Times of India - sex.]

Sloppy music
Music is the clincher as you get set to hit the sack. As you turn down the lights and turn on a little mood music, choose what you are making your gal listen to carefully. What you play may be an indication about where the night is headed. Avoid anything too girly ( Madonna, Avril Lavigne, Miley Cyrus) and do not play music with clear sexual overtones ("Let's Get It On," "Sexual Healing," "I Wanna Sex You Up").

Turn off the phone
Have you ever answered a call mid-way during sex and lived to regret it? Turn your phone off while getting intimate with your lady love. Interruptions can really put a damper on your sexual tempo, and if it is your mom calling, your girl is probably putting on her jacket and getting ready to leave.

Groping is out
Well, even though you might want to lay your hands on your gal, be recommend you exercise caution. Grabbing her boobs, pinching her ass or ripping open her clothes is a big turn off. Moving randomly from body part to body part is thoroughly confusing and never gives your girl a chance to get into the mood. Move slowly from one body part to the next -- lightly caressing first, then with increased passion.

Begging
Most women have clearly defined limits, before the date about just how how far she is willing to go, but men can change their minds. At the end of the evening, give her a passionate kiss to sweep her off her feet. This is when she may just reconsider going home with you. If she still isn't interested and expresses a clear discontent, do not whine or beg. If you beg, you will never get a second chance --ever.

Being in a hurry
Women take a lot of time to feel sexually into the moment. Most women loved being kissed, touched, caressed, and more than two minutes to reach the big O. So take time to focus on her. If you aren't satisfying her, she could get frustrated (or bored) and call it a night.

Don't keep looking at the watch
It takes time to get a woman going. She needs kissing, touching, caressing, and more than two minutes to reach orgasm. If you have moved past the make-out stage and the clothes are coming off, take time to focus on her. If you aren't satisfying her needs, your gal may just get frustrated and bored and call it a night.

Sloppy kissing
It doesn't matter how hot a dude is, if he can't kiss well, he ain't getting past first base. When you lean in for the first end-of-the-date smooch, remember to control your tongue. Don't unnecessarily lick her teeth, chin, cheeks, forehead, etc., and try not to stick it down her throat. It's a major turn off for women. Also, ensure you have pleasant breath, bad breath sucks!

Dull conversation
All women dig compliments, but too many "Oh babys" can mar her mood. Going over-the-top with banter is a clear sign that the conversation is fake and forced. Concentrate on being your natural self. If things are really becoming passionate, don't ask unnecessary questions: "Do you like it when I kiss you?" "Does my hand feel good on your body?" Her responses will tell you if you are impressing her enough.

Keep your hands off when she's not in the mood
Women get turned off by men who can't keep their hands off them. Do not hand her a glass of wine, turn on some music, lower the lights and then stick your hand in her pants. You'll just be regarded as a horny dude!

Asking for permission
Most girls like a man who loves taking charge, so when you ask for permission every step of the way you come across as a weak wimp. Asking her "May I please kiss you?" at the end of a date, or "Are you OK?" when kissing is a major dampner. Rather analyse the situation; if she's really into it, be a man and take the plunge.

[source: Times of India - sex.]


This is all excellent, but it does rather paint a picture of urban India as a kinder gentler place.
As I understand the sexual dynamic here in San Francisco, the process of seduction involves tattoos, scatology, massive ingestion of controlled substances, casual masochism, stimulants, and long lectures about recycling.

"Don't unnecessarily lick her teeth, chin, cheeks, forehead, etc."

Indeed! That right there is fine advice.
Assuming that there are times when licking her chin, cheeks, and forehead may be necessary, it is a good idea not to do so without having made damn sure of the desirability of that process first.
An excellent first step would be introducing yourself.
Most women will object to strangers suddenly starting to lick them.
In fact, I'm pretty sure that it can lead to the cops being called.
Police action is an unmistakable sign that things have gone wrong.


Only lick her chin, cheeks, and forehead if there is NO other choice.



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