THE DEGENERATE ON PUBLIC TRANSIT

Every day I learn something new. Which is good, one should never stop learning.

This morning on the crowded bus, I had to edge in close to one of the seated females so that a large person could pass behind me on the way to the exit. The passenger whose space I only slightly invaded shrank away in terror, and made as if to turn herself and wriggle out the window. Her face said better than any words that I was a repulsive man, and she feared for her safety.

I feared for her sanity.
So I moved further down.

Next stop, nearly the same scenario, entirely different panicked woman.
We are gentlemen here in San Francisco, consequently more women are seated on crowded buses than men. The menfolk are usually standing.
Which, unfortunately, sometimes necessitates a bit of close-quartering.
People WILL keep trying to get out.

Moved again. This time a young woman started whimpering.
At this point I was truly baffled.
I'm not ugly, I bathe thoroughly every morning, my clothes are clean.
Remembering the reaction of the non-smoker who turned green several weeks ago, I hadn't even had a puff before getting on the bus.
I brushed my teeth ere leaving the house so that I didn't reek of tobacco.
Clean clean clean! And dammit all, I feel pretty today!
What on EARTH is wrong with you people?

It wasn't until nearly noon that I found out what it was.

.......

So, what did I learn today?

Always brush your teeth naked.
Or in any case, not while wearing outerwear.
See, if like me you brush with vim and vigour - nay, with energetic enthusiasm even - splatters of toothpaste may end up on your clothes.
As just a hypothetical example, some of it might even be right next to the zipper of your slacks, and there could be a drool of milky white down the inner thigh.

Hi. Yes, I am the pervert on your bus.
You knew there had to be at least one of us, didn't you?

Fortunately toothpaste sploodgum easily flakes off no-stain fabric.
You can just scratch it from the surface of the pants.
So I didn't look depraved at the meeting.
Well, at least not that way.


Tomorrow morning I brush in the nude!


In other news, one woman did say something very nice to me.

"Don’t be afraid of overweight after ridding of smoking! This way is harmless for your slim body!"

Slim body? Me? How did you know?
Sweet of you to notice!
Thank you!

I'm not flattering myself though, I know her e-mail account got hacked.
What I had written her about was an open invoice.
She's never met me in person.

And it just isn't likely that a lady from Texas would bring up my figure when we're talking about balances-due.

Can't help wondering, though.
Slim body. Yessirree.
That's me.

I feel pretty.

Gotta wash these pants. The crotch smells minty.



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