Tuesday, August 23, 2011


I’ve been thinking an awful lot about food lately.
Mostly stuff I used to eat – things which I haven’t had for over a year now.
Like liver pâté, Bearnaise sauce, chicken Kiev, and oysters.

I woke up this morning with the words to “The Walrus and the Carpenter” going through my head.

But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.

Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.

Oysters. To be steamed, with either black beans or green chili and ginger.
Or made into a nice serving of Oysters Rockefeller.
Deepfried with a tangy sauce to dip.


Mostly the stuff I haven't had in a while is rich food that requires accompaniment by other side dishes to tone down the total effect. Eaten by themselves, they lead to a heavy stomach and the possibility of gout. The Dutch word "smeuig" applies admirably. Sauces of an emulsified or bonded nature, goos and dips with just enough oil or butter to make them luscious in the mouth.
Juicy, thickish, and zesty.
Smooee. There's nothing like it.

The oyster is a remarkably smooee beast. Just chock full of nutrition, and velvety on the tongue.
Or grilled and served with melted butter.
Mmmmm, smeuig!

"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

Can't really order them by oneself in a restaurant - too much of a good thing.
Nor is it fun to make them at home, as eating a feast alone is rather like dressing up and finding that the ball was cancelled.


I'm thinking of placing a personal announcement, just don't know what publication would be suitable, or would even consider publishing it.

Wanted: young woman with an appetite.
Me: hungry.
You: adventurous inquisitive eater. Must like seafood and various ingredients for which there are no English words.
Let me talk dirty to you: "Murgh makhni, lamb chops, oysters, noodle soup, pad kao, larb, choi sam, lung ley yu, succulent duckling, poached chicken, eel, kufta and kulfi, frikandel, fried objects, chopped liver, gribenes, borsht, lobster Cantonaise, marzipan, mooncake, shortbreads, sweet breads, mussels in butter and sherry, paneer, stuffed squid, smetana, zattar, rasmalai, bheja masaledar, pansit molo, lumpia, gulai kambing, babat goreng asam pedas, curry laksa, murtabak, siu ngaap....... "
You gotta be picky!
If all you want is a burger, what's the point?

The concept of finding someone with whom to share smooee things is infinitely attractive.
White table cloths. Polished cutlery. Candle light.
And something smooee.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

1 comment:

Crusty Shawn said...

You have a peculiar thing about oysters.


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