Wednesday, July 20, 2011


What we need is a restaurant that advertises 'suburban food'.
And, perhaps, in German: "nothing risky".
A multitude of problems could be avoided if such a place existed.

For one thing, I wouldn't be simultaneously irritated by a German couple pointing at the hargau (蝦餃) and querulating "vas ist es doch?" while some droodge office bitch loudly exclaims about something else, "I ain't eating that sh*t!"

"In Reykyavik it is dark for eight months of the year and it's cold enough to freeze your wrists off, and there's only golly fish to eat. Administrative errors are bound to occur in enormous quantifies. Look at this - it's all a mistake!"

I was torn between wanting to tell the tourists "es is ganz nicht kosher" and suggesting to the vulgarian from Lardville that she should then go eat some other sh*t.
Confuse the innocent, and insult the narrow-minded.
It's a good rule to live by.

My sympathies actually lie with the two elderly Germans. At least they were frankly curious, and willing to try something new.
I'm much more tolerant of folks who have an adventurous approach to life.

Several years ago I had a colleague who would only eat meat and potatoes. And by meat, he meant beef. Everything else gave him heartburn.
Seeing him wolf down a half-pound burger with large fries several times a week damn' near gave me heartburn.

When he went to Europe he probably visited every McDonalds he could find.
There are 112 such establishments in London.
Far fewer of them between Calais and Rome
When he came back he said that London was a mighty fine place.

One of the other people who worked at the same company always glopped hot sauce on everything.
Not surprisingly, the two of them got along wonderfully.
They had very similar personalities.
Just minor variation in the details.

Stay away from minor variation in the details.
That way lies brain death.
Boldly go for the unidentified fried object.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.

No comments:

Search This Blog


One of the great things, truly great, is the amount of naked skin during a heat wave. Naked white female skin. Shoulders, backs, stomachs, a...