Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Some people leave the house prepared for every eventuality, with a purse containing aspirin, codeine, ibuprofen, tampons, asthma inhalers, bandaids, pepper spray, bail money, a mystery novel, and maps.
Others have packages of insta-noodles in addition to all that.
One of my friends NEVER goes on a trip without a folding chair and packets of instant-cocoa, as well as an umbrella.

These things are all very comforting, but are they practical?

I usually travel much lighter. When I head to the office, I have a backpack with only the barest essentials: pens, smoking requisites, a notebook, and extra head gear for cold weather - one can lose half of one's body heat through the top of one's head.

[Headgear: two kippahs. A kippah can keep in warmth just as well as a fedora and prevent a man freezing to death. To illustrate, let us assume that due to unforeseen circumstances I find myself naked on Market Street one cold winter day.
No problem! I have a kippah! Hypothermia is thus avoided, because my head is covered and my body temperature normal. But kippot could also work for a woman under the same nude circumstances – that’s why I have one extra. I am a practical man.]

As you can see, very little. Merely the very barest of essentials.
If you feel you need more than that, you may be getting old.
And you probably worry too much.
Stop being a fossil.
Consider renewing your youth, rediscovering your vibrancy, and finding a younger greener voice.
Discard that big butch man (or woman) purse, and simply sling a lightweight pack over your shoulder, leaving the mountain climbing gear and wilderness survival kit at home.
If you really feel that it is necessary, pack some fresh underwear.
Or the moral equivalent.

Tackle circumstances with flexibility, rather than shlepping prophylaxis for every fondly imagined disaster.

And, in that vein, I conclude that I really must carry cake, cardboard, and string with me at all times.

You see, one of my friends said something that made me realize I’m going about the woman-thing all wrong.
My approach to finding a date, so far, has been utterly flawed.
Don’t talk, but tempt.

To that end, I have a clever plan involving cake and a really big box.....


Specifically, Strawberry Cake: 士多啤梨蛋糕
I've heard that nice young ladies cannot resist cake.
It makes them blush.

There's something intrinsically happy and tactile about cake. Just dipping your finger into the frosting and slowly pulling it towards you till there's a big clot of sweet whipped cream on the tip.....
Or even just lifting the cake to your rosy lips to inhale a large mouthful of creamy goodness, along with a strawberry or two.
Sensuous, pleasurable, divine.

Imagine, then, a big box open at the bottom, with a stick propping it up.
Inside, on the ground, there is a pretty porcelain plate, with one of those little lace doily things, on top of which is a tempting slice of Strawberry CAKE!
A fork on a serviette next to it winks temptingly.


It's totally fool proof. Nice young ladies can NOT resist cake.
Especially strawberry cake!

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gastronomically amphibious said...

Sometimes, young ladies do their own baking.

Tzipporah said...

I thought the only essential item was a towel.

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