Several times over the past few weeks one of my coworkers has used the microwave in the lunchroom to heat up something nasty that contains broccoli (I believe that whoever it is uses this substance for lunch purposes).
Whenever they have done so, the hallway between the fire doors and the elevators has had a reek that fair makes me gag.
People who know me will attest to my insensitivity and nasal fortitude. I've been known to relish the aromas of tar, cow pastures, and even tanneries. I'm particularly fond of blue cheese, rank cigars, and the woodshavy odour of joggers.
That cabbagey pong, however, is my Waterloo.
Blurrk!
I have to take my snuff box out of my breastpocket and shove pulverised tobacco up both nostrils with alacrity, for fear of nauseated heaving.
Now, please follow me into a different subject for a few seconds, if you will be so kind.
In the not-too-distant future, easily available oil supplies will run out, and we will be more likely to use alternative energy sources and bio-fuels. Almost anything that can rot can be turned into a fuel source, and enzymes, yeasts, and molds are our friends in that regard, as they breakdown or "digest" substances, and produce byproducts that can be further refined for a multitude of uses.
There already exist such marvelous products as potato-starch plastics, bagasse (sugar cane pulp) papers and disposable plates, corn plastics and corn diesel. The possibilities for inventions and neato-keen advances are endless. Some of the stuff that will be developed in the next few years will astound us AND enrich our lives.
Here's a horrid thought...... somebody will discover a way of making a superior bio-fuel out of broccoli.
Then, everytime I step outside to smoke, the exhaust fumes from the cars in the street will make me choke on an upwash of my own sick.
Please, ban broccoli now, before it's too late. It has to be done. For the good of humanity. Do it, or I'll stand facing you. My those are nice shoes...., expensive?
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A LACK OF PROPELLANT
Rereading my old posts reminds me that I used to be immoderate. And at times over the top. I've calmed down and grown up since then. Now...
6 comments:
I had some for breakfast.
yum, brocolli :-)
There does seem to be som,ething about a microwave which, um, shall we say, "enhances" the odors of certain foods. Bad Cohen and I have an ongoing disagreement about the best method of cooking turkey bacon (mmmm, Jew-chew) - I prefer the microwave, for the ease and clean-up, he prefers a pan on the stove.
I think the lingering smoky-meaty smell is what turns him off to microwave. That and preferring his limp and juicy, rather than crunchy and nearly-burned, as I do. Of course then you always worry that someone will come by and decide, from the odor, that your house is a den of treif, long before you can offer an explanation. This is making me hungry.
Good Grief, as Charlie Brown would have said.
I love broccoli, and whoever reeked up your hallways doesn't know how to cook! When you overcook broccoli, it reeks from sulphur. That is what stinks! Didn't you ever get a whiff of air from a chemical plant that smelled like rotten eggs? Well, that was sulphur.
Broccoli is best eaten raw (nice and crunchy) or ever so slightly steamed or stir-fried with roasted sesame oil and mushrooms. Ummmm delicious!
Print this response and post it on the door to the cooking-room (your manifesto).
Going Home
You need waffle flavored broccoli.
OK, here's the way I see it: while I am perfectly fond of broccoli, particularly lightly steamed with sauted lemon or a nice balsamic vinegar, I will concede that broccoli does belong to that family of foods (along with beer and chicken soup) which, though tasting delicious, do produce a slightly unpleasant odor whilst being cooked/brewed. That being said, you really should get over your aversion to broccoli, which not only smacks of psychopathology, but makes you sound like George H.W. Bush.
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