A HEDGEHOG? SCRAMBLED EGGS?

Ten years ago I woke up from a dream in which I was arranging cigar boxes neatly across a street in the suburbs. Perhaps the screams of all the outraged earthmoms had awakened me. Earthmoms (Karens, Berkeleyites, and concerned health fascists) generally speaking do not approve of cigars. Or tobacco. Or smoking. Unless it's weed, which in addition to being highly therapeutic is beneficial to the planet, and grown by little green men in the Amazon rainforest who hug dolphins, save orphaned wild animals and kittens, and recycle.
Just ask anybody outside the dispensaries on Polk Street.
If you can get them to talk to you.
Instead of gibbering.


I am mildly in favour of tobacco. Not of pot.


Tobacco has been shown to improve mental function, notably in people on the cusp of senility, creative types, writers and geniuses, plus medical students pulling an all-nighter studying for a test tomorrow. Whereas marijuana scrambles your brains, makes you attack that very reasonable middle aged chap walking home from work while you are almost completely naked on Van Ness Avenue, and leads to communism and syphilis.

People have died from communism and syphilis.

It's spring. Sort of. Things are green. The temperate zone is verdant, and in Germany those people who do not need to go to work or protest furiously in the streets are heading into the forest to undress and become one with nature as Germans are wont to do ruddy nudists.
You cannot see it in the picture, but there are naked Germans everywhere.

Perhaps the crazy man who assaulted me on my way home a few months ago, when it was raining, had escaped from Germany. More likely he had addled his brain with green stuff.
You can perhaps understand why it concerns me that there are five pot shops in my neighborhood, but only one tobacconist.

Nudity!

Also, I am not a dolphin.

The only person I wish to see approaching me would be sparkling and female, and only indoors after we had been properly introduced, and had, after a few conversations, tentively negotiated the disrobing -- mutually agreeable terms and such -- and no violence was involved. Nor mind-altering substances. A kitten or tobacco might be.
But are not fundamental to the situation.
All hypothetically.


It's still far too cold for nakedness outside.
Barely sixty degrees Fahrenheit.
Please abstain.



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