REVOLTING PATIENT, UNREPENTANT

How wonderful it would be if, within a block or two of my cardiologists offices, there were a sumptuous grill room where one could get a delicious oozy bacon cheeseburger. I've seen the specialists twice this month -- one regular heart check-up to make sure I'm still alive, one consultation regarding a possible peripheral angioplasty of the lower extremities which we actually can postpone for quite a while (because there is no ulceration, and exercise will clear up the problem, mostly) -- and I've had burgers off and on my mind for weeks.

Nor is there a place like that close enough to the clinic where my regular care physician is located. Sometime in the next two or three months I'll need to have my regular yearly exam, which will include a stress test. Which involves running on a treadmill and swearing in tongues. Afterwards I could reward myself with something immensely unhealthy.

The baked porkchop on a bed of spaghetti then stuck under a broiler till the layer of cheese is melty and bubbles does not appeal. A better choice would be a thick slice of red-stewed five flower pork with salted plum vegetable covered with dark gravy on a bed of broad rice stick noodles with smoky Sichuan barbecue spices broiled all bubbly. To be augmented by squoodges of Sriracha as the diner (a Dutchman) sees fit.

Or, hypothetically, a double bacon cheesburger (sharp Cheddar) on a toasted bun.

Again, squoodges of Sriracha. Very important.
I think the bun should be buttered.
Before toasting.

[Note two things: 1) Sriracha is chili peppers. Which are a vegetable, and consequently healthy stuff. Think of it as the salad accompaniment to evey meal, especially if you're located in the suburbs, where good eating is difficult because of the bland middle class crap out there. 2) Considering that American bread is usually soft spongy poof garbage, a search must be made for a good baker who can provide firm buns. Possibly it is best to melt butter on the grill to brown them.]


There should also be a smoking lounge with strong milk tea and coffee beverages nearby.
So that one could sit and digest the unhealthy feast. What the hell is wrong with this city that grizzled survivors of urban living who are still alive (and still quite lean, which is remarkable) can't once or twice after medical appointments or picking up refills (I need more Metoprolol Succ Er 25 Mg) indulge themselves in things medical people should never hear about? And you'll have to admit; right after an appointment or check-ups would be totally ideal, as test results and blood samples would show the before picture, not the after.

This morning I'll drop by the clinic to request more pills. Then head over to a chachanteng and eat something moderately healthy. Sometime in the next two weeks I'll do something different and more dangerous.


Maybe a torchon of foie gras and some grilled duck breast.
With a few perfect slices of bacon on the side.

Followed by a pipe filled with aged Virginia and Perique.
Plus a big cup of strong HK milk tea.
Sounds like breakfast.



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