JOHN OLLIVER MARRIES A CABBAGE

The image that defines this month has to be the inevitable result of a vegetable and a distinguished British gentleman finally tying the knot: John Olliver getting married to a large green cabbage, with Steve Buscemi officiating. What makes it remarkable is that Britons and vegetables so seldom actually get along, except of course for the longlasting English love affair with canned baked beans. Or peas, when they're "eating around".

Soft lighting, beautiful music, a chapel inundated with flowers.
Steve Buscemi looking soulful and kind. Touched.
The cabbage looked lovely.

Oddly, no relatives of either the groom or the bride. I guess even in this day there is still a certain amount of bigotry out there. His parents probably don't approve. And his Aunt Ermintrude has a recipe for stuffed cabbages. Golubtsi. A beloved family heirloom.

[British version: cabbage leaves rolled around Heinz Baked Beans, lard, and mushy peas, nuked in the microwave, and served in a puddle of ketchup with limp fried potatoes. Exquisite.]

The range of vegetables in England is NOT very diverse.

It's a rather repressed enironment.


One of my favourite veggies just would not be tolerated.

Might send the natives screaming for the hills, convinced that there was evil witchcraft afoot or attempts to overthrow the class system and install a workers Soviet. The Welsh are taking over. Soon we'll be forced to eat parsnips and speak with a weird musical cadence. There will be cheese covered rabbits everywhere. The Scots will invade! Wielding haggis and blancmange! Repent!

Sorry, fit of free association. Don't know what came over me. First cup of coffee.


In any case, I wonder what the Brits would do with bitter melon.
Probably boil it in white sauce and serve it on Sundays.
A way of inducing repentance among the young.

Perfect for a candle light supper.



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