Sunday, March 28, 2021

PHYSICAL AND SPIRITUAL HEALING

A chance met internet acquaintance tells me to lay off the hippies. Because he has a lot in common with them. Well, that's cool. Like totally dude. Personally I've had it up to here with natural healing apple cider vinegar and miracle honey vaccine-skeptical feel good science deniers.
If I had listened to those people a few years ago, I would be dead now. When I was prescribed nitro-glycerin patches in the weeks before my coronary stent, some of the people I knew who committedly trusted natural healing told me to throw them out, it was just the medical industry getting their claws into me. And I should rely on natural remedies instead.

It was clear, by the way, that they did not know what the nitro was for.

"Nitro-glycerin is chemicals!"

Um, yeah?

Only had to use a few of the nitro patches. Still have nearly a full box.
Things have stabilized remarkably since I got professional help.

So in all honesty, all those natural healing apple cider vinegar and miracle honey vaccine-skeptical feel good science deniers can pound it up their you-know-whatsis, and shove some miracle healing bee honey up after it.

Here, I'll help you do that. I've got a stick.


I'll admit I'm a bit of a snob. I dislike marijuana smokers, chiropractors, anti-vaxxers, gluten-phobes, natural healing freaks, spiritual people, science deniers, flat earthers, Republicans, religious nuts, racists, palmists, tarot card readers, anybody who insists on telling me about their past lives OR the miraculous yoni egg, and salesmen calling me up about the extended warranty on my car.


Well, okay, that does include most people in Marin County and Berkeley, and a fair number in San Francisco, but I have plenty stick.


Toothache? Apple cider vinegar and honey!
Heart disease? Apple cider vinegar and honey!
Gout and arthritis? Apple cider vinegar and honey!
Bile and excessive humours? Apple cider vinegar and honey!
Dog-related psychological trauma? Apple cider vinegar and honey!


"If it's natural, it can't kill you."


Son, have you ever heard of deadly nightshade? Black widows? Rattle snakes?
Botulism, tetanus, and rabies? Peanut allergies?
Ignorance & stupidity?


*       *       *       *       *

In other news, bumblebees can be bribed with a nice new nickel.
They'll be SO excited. Shiny! Funds! A bank account!
Then they'll struggle to lift it.

Every few hours, you'll go into the room where the nickel is, and this determined furry beast will be trying to push it across the floor, straining furiously..... it's fascinating in a way. You'll make him a little bed out a matchbox, so that he can get a good night's sleep right next to HIS nickel. Then in the morning you'll wake him up with a quarter teaspoon of honey and couple of drops of coffee. The desperate labours will start again. A week later, disconsolate wailing as he reaches the front door and realizes that he can't open it! Waaah! He could forsake his shiny nickel and fly away, but if he wants the nickel, he has to drag or push it over the threshold. Waaaaaah!

It's very sad. Especially because he WAS planning on collecting a shiny nickel from you daily. Protection money. Otherwise he'd buzz around your head in an annoying way.
Instead there's the frustration of little fuzzy grunting.




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