IDEAS FOR THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE INHABITANTS OF MARIN

Some of the people with whom I have to deal regularly fail to understand that they breathe through their nose. It is hard to correct them, because they are stupid and entitled and white (describes most people in Marin County), and they're convinced that they absorb oxygen through the many folds in their thin skin, which has capillaries close to the surface.

Also, covering the nose requires skill acquired through rigorous training and practise, and they just don't have the time for that. They are important people.

You'll be pleased to know that there is a solution. Condoms. The standard condom can fit over a human head. It stretches. All it takes is a little effort, such as an angry Dutch American from San Francisco might expend if pushed, and a snug fit is assured. Several people in Marin would be immeasurably improved by having a condom forced over their heads.

The many folds of their skin will not be affected.
So there is no cause for them to worry at all.
It will also improve their conversation.

If you doubt me, consult a doctor.


An additional benefit is that it would add to their aerodynamic qualities. They could easily fly afterwards. A smooth flow of air, scant turbulence, like a well-designed projectile, a flying log or some such. The human zeppelin, filled with hot air.


Oh wait, we'd have to staple down their many folds of skin.


Can do.




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