OUR SUBSTITUTE FOR THE MONSOON

Thanks to John O., a fellow pipesmoker in Athens, Georgia, I am momentarily obsessed with Trinity Cream. Which is also known as crème brûlée. A custard enriched with heavy cream, baked au bain-marie till barely set, with a layer of caramelized sugar on top. And the Trinity College coat of arms burnt into the top with a branding iron.

I am imagining a whole row of leaky old boys quietly enjoying their individual servings in little procelain cups, along with a shot of calming esspresso, before resuming their smokes and newspapers. While German bombs rain down all around them. A brief break from the blitz. Carry on, chaps.

Sounds very comforting on a cold rainy day.
Such as summer in England.


There is no Trinity Cream in this house. It is raining outside, cold within. The pipe is entirely uninterrupted by bombs or desserts, the coffee is strong, and the tobacco is Astleys No. 109 Medium Flake. And it feels like summer in England.

It is way too early to hit the cooking sherry, aside from which I do not drink till after teatime, and avoid alcohol, generally speaking. It's useful for cleaning the gunk out of old pipes that have been thoroughly abused by men who never clean their briars, smoke rancid aromatics, and wear the same underwear every damned day.

I'm just speculating about the underwear.

Boys, no wonder you all look so depressed and overweight when you drop off your pipes for restoration; if you used pipe cleaners once in a while and changed your damned briefs, you would look a lot happier.

Clean pipe, clean tobacco, clean undies, and clean living.

Oh, and avoid those ghastly aromatics. Unless you're smoking Erinmore Flake. As an ironic expression of your unique and ängstliche gemüt, and a mehr religiöser weltanschauung.

Maybe it's snowing and dead birds are falling from the sky.
Which is perfect summer weather in England.
No wonder you're depressed.


Everything smells like vanilla and pineapple essence.
Plus burnt sugar and old underwear.

Even though it's always time for tea, it is not yet time for tea. Perhaps a third cup of coffee. And a snack in lieu of breakfast. Somewhere I have a fresh pack of biscuits.

TOBACCO INDEX


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