PERHAPS CHEAP BROWN ROPE

Last week the actor who played Bilbo Baggins passed away. And I've noticed that many pipe smokers on the internet are heartbroken. Which is a little insane. Because he smoked a pipe. Sad! Sniff. Yeah, no, I would be more affected if Rowan Atkinson, who played Inspector Maigret, croaked. And even then, I didn't find out that Rowan Atkinson played the fictional French detective until very recently. I find that I cannot identify in any way with any part of the Lord Of The Rings mythos other than the balrog.

Who, as you well know, was smoking. Not a pipe smoker.

I've never identified with Bilbo, any of the Hobbits, or the Elves. And Gandalf is a fundamentally problematic and tribulatory character I just can't get into.
I find the entire tale cycle to be overwrought and overrated poofle.

One can certainly enjoy a pipe without being ridiculous.

Here are the four most recent pipe drawings.



Please note: these aren't Hobbit pipes.
Real pipes. Not fictional crap.


I am incredibly glad that pipes do not feature prominently in either the Starwars OR the Startrek universes. The last thing the world needs is more fandweebs buying cutesy-poo pipes for when they dress up.

Real pipes, real people, and real tobacco.
Fruit-loop tobacco is for idiots.

[Please note: Had Hobbits actually existed and smoked pipes, they should probably have been English-made briars, and something commonly available like Prince Albert or Half and Half. Not what was sold as "Hobbit's Weed", which was far too sweet and candy-flavoured for any adult.]


Guys, how about play-acting that you're Albert Einstein or President Gerald Ford instead? Or maybe William Cuthbert Faulkner.

Not Sherlock "snooty dickwad" Holmes.

Godzilla was a pipesmoker.

Just so you know.



NOTE: Data and Leonard Nimoy did on occasion smoke a pipe. Leonard Nimoy apparently liked Kramer's English Blend, which is no longer available. But it was a standard mild very middle of the road product, not overloaded with Latakia, and had a touch of Cavendish to give it a sweetness. A decent standard mixture. There are many products in that category, both Danish-made and American. So you can easily find something similar for those days when you want to dress up with your pointy ears and make the Levite blessing hand gesture.

TOBACCO INDEX


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