In order not to offend the various stuffed animals here, we've adopted a number of euphemisms in this household. We don't want to let them know that we're total meat eaters. Pork is "pink meat". Beef is "not pink meat". Other meats can be described as "fake tofu". One of my favourite meats is "tubular American".
I had some good German style tubular American for dinner last night.
It's excellent grilled, with hot sauce and toasted sourdough.
Or with mustard and kraut.
In keeping with that approach, I shall henceforth call flavoured coffees, such as many Starbucks patrons favour, "unnatural coffee". Because real coffee does NOT taste like hazelnut sprinkles with lo-fat soybean milk.
In all honesty, that's an abomination. Horrid.
Some Americans are sick puppies.
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HOLIDAY GRAYITY
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Here at the asylum one may have coffee or tea.
The tea is builder's tea, only tolerable heavily creamed and sugared.
The coffee is instant and has a faint scorch to it. It is tolerable with cream and sugar.
The cigarette lady comes round once a day with cigarettes on a trolley. As mummy and daddy keep my account topped up, I am able to get my Mayfairs.
Really the tea and coffee here are unnatural. Unfortunately, packages of food and drink are strictly prohibited, so my brothers cannot send me Earl Grey.
The food here is exceptionally unnatural. I am not sure the meat presented as such is the meat they claim it is; or even if it was once a living creature. Still, I mustn't complain too much, else my internet (and other) privileges be suspended.
Perhaps if I am very very good I may be allowed a day furlough, which will give me incentive to put on a touch of lipstick and a nice dress and go into town with one of the nurses for a girls day.
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