Everything we want is out there, whatever we fear is explained in excruciating (or juicy) detail.
Sometimes, we discover things that are surprisingly obvious.
Such as the fetishist tendencies of the general public.
A heartfelt & abiding fascination with nipples.
Which frequently brings new readers.
To this nipple-free blog.
No nipples!
Not, you understand, that I lack nipples; I am not a lizard-alien (repeat).
Like other mammalian males, I have also have them vestigially. But the focus of all internet searches for nipples, and I'm reasonably certain of this, are female nipples. Like many humanoid masculine types, I can completely understand the curiosity. The female human nipple is usually attached to "breast(s)", which in the right hands can be objects of beauty.
For a long time I was keenly aware of this, but for the past five years it has been a purely intellectual truth, as there has not been even one female breast in my life, let alone a complete set (or pair) of them.
The distressing absence of nipplosity weighs on me.
This is hardly a concern for my audience.
Such as it is.
An anonymous reader wrote:
"Politics are of more universal interest than, for example, what you put in your mouth on any particular day."
But what if it was nipples? A mouth is the natural place for a nipple.
One singled out, or non-partisan equal treatment for both.
[The anonymous reader who left that comment no doubt wants me to cater to every paranoid conspiracy Tom, Dick, and Harry west of the Pecos river. that ain't gonna happen. Writing about political subjects simply attracted the attention of nuts. Only some of whom agreed with me. Whereas writing about food, nipples, and tobacco, as subjects, appeals to a far broader spectrum, and better expresses my character.]
As I understand it, breasts like attention.
But it is extremely impolite to stare.
Under most circumstances.
Hence curiosity.
Undoubtedly that contradiction is the reason for two searches that brought readers here recently. Consider the search criteria:
"I can almost see your nipples"
And
"Let's look at nipples"
Fascinating. It's scientific inquiry at it's finest.
Nipples are much more interesting than politics or contemporary events, and attract far fewer conspiracy theorists and haters. Plus nipples draw the eye long after the relevance of other subjects has faded.
Kindly note at this point that there are absolutely NO pictures of nipples here. Yes, I know how to upload images, and no, I shall not place photos here that titillate. Horrid pun intended.
But, if you want to read about mammary glands in my words, I can make it easy for you.
COVER THE NIPPLE WITH PASTRY ...
To quote the dirty vicar in a notorious sketch by Monty Python, while fondling her ladyship's bosomy parts: "I like tits!" It is a most regrettable episode, as normally they were such nice Christian lads.
Cleaminded. Wholesome.
Here are five essays that do actually mention nipples. But while boobs are the magnets, the star attractions, if you will, that pull in the suckers, there are no revelations, and the wholesome thrill of "nippletude" is celebrated entirely without recourse to illustration or temptation.
Morphological variation
Written on Wednesday, November 5, 2014.
A blogpost directing the reader to a Wikipedia article about breasts. That article is quoted at length, and both the dome and cone shapes are duly described. It is dryly clinical, except for mention of dim sum, which are wonderful things to eat.
Important details
Written on Wednesday, April 8, 2015.
Results of French research into sag and tensility, comparing the bra-less versus the encapsulated breast. Sportsbras are also mentioned. Different functions demand different materials and construction.
The French are obsessed.
The proper fit
Written on Monday, August 3, 2015.
Responding to a friend who has a peculiar fascination with both breasts and lesbians. I don't know much about the first, and I avoid the latter.
Breasts that belong to lesbians are a hazard.
You cannot see any nipples here
Written on Tuesday, November 16, 2010.
The reason why you can't is because the essay is about lizards and Hello Kitty (and not nipples), as well as why you should never stare.
It might be taken amiss if you did.
To see, or not to see
Written on Friday, July 10, 2009.
This is the essay started it all. Nipples are mentioned in connection with coffee, and terraces in Paris, where coffee as well as nipples are enjoyed by many people. It is actually about language, and how easily mistakes can be made.
The link with nipples is tenuous, and all things considered, minor.
In all honesty, the subject of nipples does play a small role on this blog.
This should not be surprising, as men like breasts.
Well, many men do.
Some of them obsessively.
The word 'nipple' has a rather charming sound, and can be used evocatively. Sort of a calming mantra. Very reassuring. Just quietly repeat the word 'nipple' to yourself when you're alone sometime.
Nipple, nipple, nipple.
See?
The wonderful thing about nipples is that neither their absence nor their possible overabundance affect one's feelings towards them.
They remain items to be treasured fondly.
But I shan't go into details.
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1 comment:
And how many nipples really bear discussion?
Is it an odd number?
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