At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles.
BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles.
Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Saturday, August 01, 2015


Climate-change deniers, anti-vaxers, and opponents of genetically modified food-crops, are, on the whole, pretty much the same kind of people as conspiracy theorists, new-agers, fundamentalist Christians, and Republican presidential candidates. Full of strident opinions, but no real facts or hard knowledge. And in all honesty, we should refuse to give these screaming nutballs any more attention than they already get.
Like Fox news, they are best left ignored.
They still won't go away, dammit.
But their egos will starve.

I was left with this thought when someone asked about the purest type of tobacco, with the least amount of chemicals, something that the Indians would have smoked. Something wholesome.

They were planning a "spiritual" retreat.
And needed something "mystical".
Just like the Indians!

Apparently the Indians were gentle and centered, and in communication with nature and the earth. They never polluted their bodies and lived long clean lives of creative fulfillment. Or some such nonsense.


Sweetheart, it's tobacco. Inhaling smoke into your lungs just ain't gonna be good for you no matter what. And you should be damned glad that nowadays we have tobacco that is grown under conditions that do not leave that field a drained wasteland for a generation after two or three crops, because we've gone about as far west as we can go, the Pacific Ocean is less than five miles away. In three hundred years we've taken over an entire continent because of tobacco and cotton. If we didn't use fertilizer, please imagine what would be left. And yes, chemicals are used. Organic tobacco is unsmokeable crap. Trust me, I've tried it. Damned near mahorked my guts out. You should be so glad that nowadays we have several selectively bred (in other words, genetically modified) strains of White Burley (which is a mutation that yields a far better milder leaf than Red Burley), Golden Seed (commonly called Virginia, a specialized strain and flue-cured to preserve the colour and natural sweetness), Maryland (again, selective breeding of a mutation), and even Turkish (quite the furthest departure from the original stock, with almost no resemblance to its ancestral strain).
All of these are ideally grown on fertilised fields.
Then cured to emphasize a flavour profile.
Treated to prevent infestation.
And 'doctored'.

In any case, the Indians would have smoked Nicotiana Rustica. Which is rough, nasty, and altogether horrifyingly high in nicotine, as well as a natural pesticide. Harvested, shredded, and dried. Still "raw".

If you smoked that, you'd be pure, but probably puking.

Common effects include nausea and vomiting.

A thorough cleansing, truth be told.

Totally gluten-free.

The Indians mixed it with a whole bunch of other crap, and used it shamanisticly and ritually, shared among several participants.

You are not an Indian.

For heavens sake take that broomstick out.
It has made you all rigid and tense.
That ain't good, Pale Face.

Try pot instead.

I own a Chinese water pipe that was meant specifically for Nicotiana Rustica. One or two puffs are sufficient, after which one abstains until another hit is desired. It is, no more no less, a delivery system.

This image comes courtesy of the Sam Waller Museum, in The Pass, Manitoba, Canada.
Chinese Cloisonné Water Pipe: missing tools (tongs to hold an ember on the tobacco, a prong to clean the bowl), with a storage compartment separate from the water container, all fitted into a decorated sheeth or holder. The main material is paktong (白銅), also called nickel silver, white brass, or cupronickel; an alloy of copper, nickel, and zinc.

If you are using a reasonably strong-tasting tobacco (Samson dark Dutch shag, Van Nelle, or Perique), you will get enough in one puff to keep your taste-buds jangling for a while. It's an experience.
No, I do not recommend it.

Like the famous coffee enema, so much beloved by practitioners of new age medicine, it probably cures migraines, cancer, low sperm count, flux, the ague, dropsy, and several other ailments.

It's pure, sweetheart, pure.


You do not want "pure" tobacco. You want good tobacco.
No fruity aromatics added to candify it.
Which isn't "mystical".

By the way, they are properly called 'Native Americans' or 'First Nations', not Indians. Indians are people from the subcontinent, and both Indians and Native Americans get huffy when you misapply terms.
They might get violent too. They've been keeping it in all this time.
And a spiritual person like you makes a perfect target.
Soft, squishy, easily bruised.

Now get that green look off your face. It's interfering with your precious aura or mis-aligning your chakras, and you're frightening the cigar smokers, sweetheart.

So far it's been nothing but dumb-ass Caucasians "re-enacting" peculiar self-serving re-interpretations of native cultures. Haven't figured out why they are desperate for meaningful sh*t, but there you have it.
Often they're Buddhists and Vegan as well.
Many of them do half-ass yoga.
It's a California thing.

NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.



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