Given choices, we leave some doors closed.
Five years ago Savage Kitten and I broke up. It was not my decision at the time, but the relationship was no longer working for her. Recognizing the inexorable, I yielded as gracefully as I was able.
Being a dick about it would not have been very gentlemanly.
Five years ago I lost a helpmeet. And gained a friend.
There have been positive results of that change.
GROWTH, I GRUDGINGLY SUPPOSE
Yes, I'm still not pleased at having become a bachelor again. I am not the easygoing shallower man I was when I was in my twenties, and not searching for superficial relationships of any kind.
That does not mean that I am in the market for constant companionship or an ever-present paramour.
I rather like having my own life. And I've seen too many couples stifling each other by doing everything together, where each asserts that they naturally must also do what the other likes.
She goes jewelry browsing, he comes along saying "yes dear" and acting interested. He watches the ballgame, she tries to chat intelligently about what is, fundamentally, a silly and pointless game. She squeals over shoes, he savours a cigar and a can of Coors, and both of them hide being bored to tears by the mundane inanities of their mate.
All of which eventually leads to irritability and paranoia.
If I were seeing someone again, I would want time alone. And I would expect the other person to be the same. Eating together and sleeping together is wonderful, but sane and normal people also need solitude.
A good relationship must absolutely include reading time.
And the quietness that that necessitates.
The privacy to dream.
DINNER AND THE SINGLE BEAST
Yes, I have been feeling a little down lately. It's inevitable at this time of year. But it's less than last time, and coloured by more cheerful evil.
The other day I left a Chinese restaurant giggling, because of something that happened while I was eating. You see, I was sharing a large table with three other single diners (each one of us separated by one or two empty seats). The waiter who doesn't like me served them, and after they finished their meals gave them complimentary tongseui (dessert soup; 糖水).
The waitress who had delivered my food noticed, when she was taking away the various plates, that I had not had any, and entreatingly offered to give me some. She was clearly upset that he had excluded me -- you know, I'm almost convinced that he dislikes me because white people are not ever supposed to speak Cantonese, dammit -- and I politely declined the kindness because I was full and had thoroughly enjoyed my meal.
At that restaurant, wait-staff share duties irrespective of who took the order, and who delivered the food. He's a bit of a sneering sort, and far too good to clear clutter unless he absolutely has to. The previous time he had told me they were out of yuen-yeung (coffee and milk-tea mixed together; 鴛鴦), then I saw him fixing a tall glass for another customer.
You may be wondering why I keep going there, but truth be told I love their roast goose, and the rest of the waitstaff are far better people.
The tips left by the other three single diners amounted to less than four dollars. So much for kissing arse with free dessert.
Less than four bucks!
I left a bigger gratuity than the rest of the table combined. And waited till she was at the table again before leaving, so that he couldn't pocket it.
It's petty, but I feel very good about that.
BADGER IN HIS ELEMENT
What really dissipated my funk entirely was going to the cigar bar afterwards for a post-prandial pipe full. I had a great time.
After discussing Rashi and Ibn Ezra, Eli probably thinks I'm the closest he'll ever come to meeting an orthodox rabbi who is also a complete freethinker, an entirely fabled beast indeed. A very charming Scotch-drinking Filipina who likes the smell of cigars and pipes encouraged me to please light up, she loved the aroma. A bright and perky law student who wants a Ferrari may suspect me of insanity.
And the world's cutest cigar smoker thoroughly enjoyed our chat.
Her company is utterly delightful, for a wealth of reasons.
Because of her, I stayed longer than I intended.
It was time very well spent.
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