BLENDER GOO

You can grill it! That being what will pull in significant numbers of Texans and Australians. The concept of grilling excites the minds of people who reside elsewhere. Here in San Francisco most of us will never stand out in our back yard with a refreshing long-drink in one hand, and a pair of tongs in the other, flipping hunks of red meat over glowing coals as gentle summer zephyrs caress our brow. Primarily because many of us don't have back yards, and secondarily because it's rather cold around dinner time.
Fog blows in, or there are bitter winds from the sea.

But mostly, because many of our San Franciscan friends and acquaintances love wheatgerm and tofu. In lieu of actual animal protein. The concept of a nice juicy hunk of slaughtered animal offends people. Why, it's absolutely horrifying! That thing had a mommy.

A mommy!

As a carnivore I often feel somewhat out of place. Yes, I know the darn thing -- let's call him 'Fluffy' -- had a mommy, but she looked extremely edible and I may have eaten her last year. She was delicious!
I marinated her with soy, sugar, garlic, lemon grass, and just a touch of tamarind. Then I served her with a fresh dipping liquid that included fish sauce, scallions, lime juice, sliced green chilies, and black pepper.
Did I already mention delicious? Mmmmmmmm .......

But I didn't grill her.

I probably heated the skillet up red hot, drizzled in some oil, and promptly slapped Fluffy's mom right in with sliced onions. Seared for two minutes on each side, then a splash of sherry for the theatrical explosion, after which I covered the pan and turned off the heat. Five minutes of warm residual moisture, followed by a period on a plate to settle. Then cut thinly.
Let's pretend it was a skirt-steak, and serve it thus.
She was nice and streaky-fatty, though.
I think she spoke 'baa'.

Nah, I didn't do it like the folks in Austin. No guacamole, beans, salsa, tomatoes, or cheese. Nor tortillas.
Instead, some cold bean thread noodles for a chewy effect -- these absorb juices and flavours nicely -- plus cilantro, limply browned onion from the pan, sliced cucumber, carrot shreds, and slivered daikon. Wrap it up in a crisp lettuce leaf, splash on the dipping liquid, and shove it into your mouth.
Let the flavours explode. Meat with a thin skin of black on the outside, still pink within. Tangy, savoury, juicy, sweet, and then there are those thinly sliced hot green chilies ........

Not a shred of tofu anywhere in sight.

But heck, if there had been any vegans visiting, I suppose I could always have dumped some wheatgerm and soybean cake into the blender and whizzed them up delicious shakes. No sugar (leads to aggression and bad karma), no honey (brutal exploitation of our apidean friends), no corn syrup (that's an evil representation of the imperialism of the American food industry and their non-sustainable exploitation of resources).
Just some politically correct fruit juice concentrate.

Actually, scrap the fruit juice concentrate.
I have no idea where to buy that crap.
The shake wouldn't be sweetened.

It's plain old blender goo.

I'm sure it's good.

Please enjoy.


In the meantime, I'll be pouring the remaining tasty mommy baa pan grease into a bowl, and dunking in some barbecue potato chips. It would remind me of warmer climes, where one can actually cook in the back yard.
Without being interrupted by politically correct food nuts.


Wheat germ and tofu is probably great for the rose bushes.


For your information, I hardly eat with other people, preferring instead to savagely hunt down my terrified prey ("baa, baa, baa") among the rose bushes, then chop it up before the last anguished wail has faded.
It's better than switching on my blender.


Tofu tastes wonderful with lamb and chilies.
Drenched in meaty goodness.
All Fluffy's mom.



On second thought, scrap the wheatgerm too. That stuff is like grits for the non-southern urban fluff-brains. There is still over half a canister of grits in the kitchen which I'll never finish, so I sure ain't gonna buy wheatgerm.
It's too similar in texture, but far less appealing.
Want some cornmeal in your tofu?
It's good for you.


PS. Everything tastes better with hot-sauce. Everything. Ice cream. And cheese.


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