JUST MOVE ALONG, THERE IS NO NUDITY HERE

Writing this piece requires manly resolve. After all, I am admitting a failure, and exposing a somewhat shameful fact: a percentage of my readers came here solely for the pulchritude. The failure on my part is that they were not satisfied with what they found.
On a somewhat brighter note, it was MY pulchritude that they sought.
They searched the internet for 'Naked Middle Aged White Man'.
And ended up here, browsing in bafflement.
Their search was in vain.

So I apologize, as there is NO actual nudity here. None. Neither mine nor anyone else's. No photos or artistic drawings. Neither physical nakedness, nor any spiritually satisfying mystic skin exposure. Nor are there any photos that might prove even slightly suggestive in any other way, other than a clip from a Hong Kong movie made nearly three decades ago in which Cherie Chung sets adolescent male hearts racing by removing her bra prior to retiring for the night. The aestheticism of that scene trumps any and all nudge-nudge-wink-winkism, however, and while it sears itself upon your mental eye-ball with every fond replay, it is perfectly clean.
And Cherie Chung, as you may realize, is not a middle-aged white man.
Though there may be middle-aged white men among her fans.
In fact, I'm sure of it. At least two of them.
I know the other one.

[Cherie Chung Chu-hong (鍾楚紅) is the extremely appealing actress who won your heart in 'An Autumn's Tale' (秋天的童話), 'Happy Together' (相見好), 'Peking Opera Blues' (刀馬旦), and lighthearted holiday comedies like 'The Eighth Happiness' (八星報喜), among many other movies.
A large part of her screen appeal is that you are drawn into her persona, and find the thoughts and feelings reflected in her face infinitely understandable, almost as if they were your own. A great actress, she retired from movies in 1991, much to the dismay of everyone. Since then she has been active in various excellent causes. A clip of her can be found in this post: Smoking! Do not play it at work, as your boss looking over your shoulder may get the wrong idea. She is four months younger than me, btw.]


Initially, I assumed that the people searching for naked middle aged white men were lonely Arabs in the Gulf, as that is where the first hits came from. And while sympathetic to their perverse desperation, I wasn't going to do anything about it. Yes, I consider myself a fine figure of a man; but I am strictly heterosexual, and absolutely not an exhibitionist. Besides, this is a family blog. Householders and little children visit here.

[At least, I hoped they do. I am candy, and I've got candy. Just think of me as your local doctor, or that kindly old woman with the gingerbread house.]

Subsequently I discovered that two other geographic regions have readers searching for naked middle aged white men, those being Australia and the Philippines.

I rather suspect that in the Philippines it must be young ladies looking for that criterion. Maybe their cousin is marrying a white guy, and they're wondering what Leticia or Prissy will get to see around the house at odd moments. It isn't a prurient interest so much as an intellectual fascination; they themselves are 'quirked' by the idea that a naked white man might wander across the horizon, and they've heard that underneath our clothes, we are hairy all over and fish-belly white! How eye-shattering! How ghastly! How strangely exotic and how very mildly tittilating!
Conceivably, they wonder what it would be like to have a furry husband of their own, OR what the feel of all that fuzz is like. Is it scratchy? Or silky?
Is it moist? Does it tickle?
I can understand the curiosity. After all, it's three in the morning in Manila, the air-conditioning started making that weird sound again, and all around there is the utter silence and humidity of a tropical night. Still three more hours till anyone else wakes up and the maids prepare coffee or tsokolate, and pan de leche with cocojam. Let alone fried spam or daing with rice and eggs. Gotta do something. Look up educational stuff on the internet.


The Australians present a quandary. I would've thought that there are just tons of naked middle aged males all over Australia, more numerous than wombats or kangaroos even. Surely the nude male is not an unfamiliar sight in Sydney or Victoria? Why, they must be a pest on the same scale as Fosters Lager or bunny rabbits! Why on earth would anyone in Australia be interested in that?

But conceivably these are men and women in the outback, and all alone. The sight of a naked middle aged man might be what they miss about civilization, a vision that reminds them of home. Perhaps it is the most comforting trope of happy Australian family life; naked men morning noon and night. Yes, if that is the case, their desperation is completely understandable, and even rather sad.
So I'm very sorry you didn't find anything you were looking for here.
If I had known how much it meant to you, I would've obliged.
By offering helpful links and comforting words.
Naked men are all over the internet.
There just aren't any here.



While I can sympathize with all the people in foreign lands searching for middle aged masculine pulchritude, I confess myself not interested in the slightest in that subject. There's a mirror at the end of the hall near the bathroom door, and consequently I often get plenty in passing.
That is all the exposure I need.
Rather, there is a dearth of the opposite in my life. My own interest is toward the unclothed female figure. And no, I do not rely on the internet for that. Feminine nudity is only satisfying if you know the person in question, and she is short, bright, and has a boundless curiosity.
Given the circumstances in which she might be companionably nude, she definitely also needs an enormous sense of humour.
That last characteristic is excellent in any case.


Naked middle aged white men frequently smell warm and clean, in case you were wondering. That is because our nakedness involves soap and water. And sometimes a cup of coffee.
Nothing else.



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