BADGERS DO NOT VACUUM!

The apartment mate has suggested that I might want to vacuum my room sometime. 
I've got news:  badgers do not vacuum. Bunny rabbits vacuum. Ferrets too.
Moles probably vacuum also, as well as mop and scrub.
But they're quite obsessive-compulsive.
As literate people realize.

The only reason why a bachelor vacuums his digs is because he has prospects of feminine company.
A bit of casual dusting, rearranging of books and pipes, and fondling the enormous collection of pipe tobacco (enough to survive the coming zombie apocalypse), and that's it. There is no reason at all for anything more.
No prospects of any friends coming over.
Why should I vacuum?

After six months the dust doesn't get any worse.

This single badger maintains personal cleanliness purely because it feels more comfortable to be reasonably laundered, washed, and shaved.
I sometimes groom my pelt when no one is watching.
But as far as the carpet is concerned on the one hand, or the thin veneer of dust here and there on the other, no.
I have neither allergies nor any visitors.
There is no point

The moment I vacuum, you will know that events have taken an interesting turn for the better. Why, I might even put a vase with lovely flowers in my room.
Rearrange the books and pipes frantically.

No perfumed candles, however.
I am not crazy.


I'm afraid that my apartment mate is unrealistic.  She frequently vacuums her room and common areas.  I am not entirely sure why.  As far as I can tell she isn't romantically inclined.
Perhaps it is a queer obsession.


I am a badger.  I do not understand women.

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