When I was strolling down California Street a father and his daughter were ahead of me. She was very young, so he was carrying her. She looked exceptionally happy to be in his big strong arms.
At one point she looked up and saw the blow-up sex-doll stuck in the branches of the tree underneath which they were passing.
"Oh look, it's Barbie!"
Her dad responded "no, it just looks a bit like her".
Which it did. Same unrealistic physique.
After a pause the little girl said "you're right, her butt is too small!"
The rear-end of the object did indeed look out of proportion.
As sit-upons go, it was very pointy and narrow.
It would probably dent any chair.
Splinter the wood.
I now have a vision of a horde of small-rumped ladies invading the neighborhood, desperate for comfortable chairs. Such as the very one upon which I am sitting.
No, I am not denting it - my rump is normal!
Albeit smaller than many a feminine postern.
Possibly the army of tiny-buttock females is looking for trousers that will fit. That must be hard, because as everyone knows, women's clothing is notorious for "making my butt look big". Which may explain all the young ladies wearing tight jeans that give them kidney-bump bulges, or godforbid yoga pants.
I'll admit that I'm as randy and dirty-minded as the next guy, but yoga pants are a horrible idea. The world is NOT your gynaecologist, and displaying everything including your thong in this weather is ghastly rather than appetizing.
Trust me when I say that nothing, absolutely nothing, in this world looks as sexy and attractive as the well-chosen skirt - blouse - cardigan combination. If you have to imagine something more detailed than that, please imagine a pearl necklace in the open collar, accenting your velvety skin.
If your pants do not fit, find a time and place to remove them. Under certain circumstances I could be persuaded to lend you sanctuary, whether they are bulge-bottomed slacks, overly tight bluejeans, or good gracious yoga pants.
Well, maybe not the yoga pants. I am hesitant about allowing a person who wears yoga pants anywhere near the apartment; they have a history of making inexplicable decisions.
I can lend you a comfy bathrobe.
This blogger, in case you were wondering, is a good judge of clothing. For most of my life I have seen it, frequently as it is being worn.
I can be counted on to tell you how nice you look in it.
Or, conversely, NOT in it.
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