At the back of the hill

Warning: If you stay here long enough you will gain weight! Grazing here strongly suggests that you are either omnivorous, or a glutton. And you might like cheese-doodles. BTW: I'm presently searching for another person who likes cheese-doodles. All cheese-doodling ended in 2010, and there hasn't been any in far too long. Please form a caseophilic line to the right. Thank you.

Friday, July 02, 2010

PORTRAIT OF A NAKED SCHOOLGIRL ON A BED OF TOBACCO

Nearly a year ago, a post of mine entitled conversational storm-surge attracted the kind attentions of Japanese spambots. The result was well over a hundred comments (in Japanese) with clickable links to some very strange stuff. Mostly Japanese pornography websites.

I allowed most of the comments to remain, as this development fascinated me. Why should a description of the odd behaviour of our building security be the perfect place for smutty links?


Another post several weeks later also appealed to them. I have no idea why the Islamic emirate of Gaza merited pornospam. But, as I had reserved the comment section underneath conversational storm-surge for all lascivious linkage, I blocked those comments.
Spambot-Sensei still posts there, even now - he just isn't published.
One freebie is all you get.


In April of this year I posted a new click for anal tobacconists, which proved nearly as tempting for the porno brigade.

It must have been the word 'anal'. Some search program in Europe perked up its ears at the smell, and the rest is history.
Having 'anal' in the title of a blog post attracts more attention than 'penis', 'uvula', 'belly button', 'shoulders', 'rosy nipples', or 'cheese'.
Far more than cheese.

Again, dense comments in foreign languages were proffered, with embedded links.
My curiosity got the better of me, and ere deleting, I clicked.


Good heavens!


A very attractive young lady, entirely naked. With an accordion.

As a salespitch, it has a lot to recommend it. If all products or services were so advertised, life would be much more interesting. I've always wanted to learn how to play the accordion.


"What brand of butter should I buy? Why, the brand with the naked young lady, of course! Nothing says 'butter' quite so well as a naked blonde girl."


"Do I need a station wagon? I didn't, until I saw the sleek number with the nude redhead."


"This kitchen tissue is strong enough for TWO high school girls!"



"I've got to get this brand of soap; a statuesque black woman recommends it!"

Normally I don't pay any attention to advertisements, even if I need the product.
But if all the products I absolutely don't need were advertised by tasteful female nudes, I would finally turn into an all-American consumer whore.
Think about it, marketing people; naked means cash.

If anybody doubts this, just ask a lovely Cantonese teenager to recline on a bed of pipe tobacco (preferably an Oriental mixture - Virginias, Turkish, Latakia) in the nude.
I can guarantee you that I will buy whatever smoking mixture that is. All of it. The entire bale. That is one blend I've just got to have. It is the most alluring tobacco I have ever smelled.

Please place links to whatever product you are pushing underneath this post.
Especially if it contains Virginia, Turkish, and Latakia. Thank you.

6 Comments:

  • At 10:35 PM, Anonymous curdishly amphibious said…

    I am relieved that "anal" elicits more porn-spam than "cheese".

     
  • At 9:52 PM, Anonymous Ari said…

    Is it any coincidence that "tobacco" is "taboo" with two extra Cs?

     
  • At 1:21 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said…

    Ari,

    A young lady with Cs is nice. But really, I'm not picky. As long as it isn't more than a C.

     
  • At 11:01 AM, Anonymous A rampant old perv said…

    Regarding that blend on which she reclines, a goodly measure of latakia is essential I think. Especially as a hue contrast to the golden virginias and the Turkish leaf. Black latakia sprinkled over yellow flue-cured tobacco, palest tan small leaf from Izmir. Stunning, and delicious.

     
  • At 11:02 AM, Anonymous A rampant old perv. said…

    And note please for the record that I do not often indulge in such mixtures, though I would like to.

     
  • At 2:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sweetheart, we'd all like to indulge in such mixtures more often.

     

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