My significant other, who is referred to on this blog as 'Savage Kitten', often produces odd things. Years ago she posted a flyer for a fictitious restaurant up and down the block where my office was located, advertising 'Round Rhonda's Midnight Eats'. Coming soon! Lard Puffs, Cornmeal Cheese and Bacon Fritters, Creamed Crawdaddy Pockets, Blue Cheese Pulled-Pork Po'Boys, Zesty Cajun Oyster Béchamel Shakes ......
Apparently Round Rhonda intended everyone to die of exploding heart. Something involving mega amounts of bad cholesterol, scarfed down after dark when you were really jonesing.
"Ya, that gooooood! Make you slap yo' mama!"
Many of my coworkers were bitterly disappointed that Round Rhonda's never opened. Engineers are a ravenous lot.
In a similar vein, she recently sent me an advertisement. She wrote it as an msword formatting exercise, but I really wish it were real.
To: Manny O’Hara
From: Scarlett Cohen
Redneck Adventures for Two
Begin your fabulous Redneck Adventures for Two by selecting your choice on the list. The most popular are highlighted in red. These outings have received rave reviews of 4.5 stars or above. A typical review is “God, I never thought people lived that way!!!”
Major categories of adventures include culinary, fashion, cultural and entertainment. Culinary adventures explore not only what types of critters are eaten, but how they are cooked to perfection, using natural resources within the region. 4 out of 5 of the Culinary adventures rank as Most Popular Adventures, prompting participants to say Thems Plumb Good Eatin’! Folks done said Thems Plumb Good Eatin'! so darn often that we now offer a package of those particular adventures at a discounted rate. The Thems Plumb Good Eatin'! package makes a wonderful birthday present for the persnickety. Truly, will a loved one be “surprised!” when chowing down on possum puddin’ cake.
As for our other adventures…fashion adventures make you rethink, for example, the versatility of printed flour sacks for unisex everyday wear. Cultural introduces you to music and handicrafts. Entertainment can embrace everything from shotguns to weddings. (Shotguns can include blunderbusses and other explosive weaponry, some handmade as shown in the Cultural Adventures.)
So if you’re feeling the ennui of “dang, but I’m soooooooooo bored with piss elegant livin’!!!” then my wussy friend, Redneck Adventures for Two will put some spark in your step again.
It’s our promise, dagnabbit, that you’ll come thru your adventure rethinking the meaning of life.
ADVENTURES REVIEWS
Culinary: 4.78
Fashion: 3.99
Cultural: 0.98
Entertainment: 4.09
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Apparently Round Rhonda intended everyone to die of exploding heart. Something involving mega amounts of bad cholesterol, scarfed down after dark when you were really jonesing.
"Ya, that gooooood! Make you slap yo' mama!"
Many of my coworkers were bitterly disappointed that Round Rhonda's never opened. Engineers are a ravenous lot.
In a similar vein, she recently sent me an advertisement. She wrote it as an msword formatting exercise, but I really wish it were real.
To: Manny O’Hara
From: Scarlett Cohen
Redneck Adventures for Two
Begin your fabulous Redneck Adventures for Two by selecting your choice on the list. The most popular are highlighted in red. These outings have received rave reviews of 4.5 stars or above. A typical review is “God, I never thought people lived that way!!!”
Major categories of adventures include culinary, fashion, cultural and entertainment. Culinary adventures explore not only what types of critters are eaten, but how they are cooked to perfection, using natural resources within the region. 4 out of 5 of the Culinary adventures rank as Most Popular Adventures, prompting participants to say Thems Plumb Good Eatin’! Folks done said Thems Plumb Good Eatin'! so darn often that we now offer a package of those particular adventures at a discounted rate. The Thems Plumb Good Eatin'! package makes a wonderful birthday present for the persnickety. Truly, will a loved one be “surprised!” when chowing down on possum puddin’ cake.
As for our other adventures…fashion adventures make you rethink, for example, the versatility of printed flour sacks for unisex everyday wear. Cultural introduces you to music and handicrafts. Entertainment can embrace everything from shotguns to weddings. (Shotguns can include blunderbusses and other explosive weaponry, some handmade as shown in the Cultural Adventures.)
So if you’re feeling the ennui of “dang, but I’m soooooooooo bored with piss elegant livin’!!!” then my wussy friend, Redneck Adventures for Two will put some spark in your step again.
It’s our promise, dagnabbit, that you’ll come thru your adventure rethinking the meaning of life.
ADVENTURES REVIEWS
Culinary: 4.78
Fashion: 3.99
Cultural: 0.98
Entertainment: 4.09
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AFTERWORD
I don't know about you, but I'm all excited.
I don't know about you, but I'm all excited.
Stuff like this makes you realize how dull life normally is. Especially if, like Savage Kitten, you are a small Cantonese-American female with a burning yearning for new and interesting things to eat.
I wonder what's for dinner tonight.
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Please note: We aren't really called Manny O'Hara and Scarlett Cohen. But in her world, we could be. Feel free to address us by those names.
7 comments:
I have an important question. Could you please write an informative post about this, sharing your knowledge with us?
I am interested in knowing about the Whaling Wall. Why do the Jews specifically hunt whales from this specific wall? If I understand correctly, there is an old tradition of Jewish whaling, for Ahab and Ishmael, important Jewish whalers, were both around all the way back in the time of the Jewish Bible. I believe that they whaled from the Whaling Wall. Is that correct? What more can you explain about this topic?
Thar she blows!
I hate whales.
Ride, Paula Deen, ride!
Whales, what's the big deal?
Whales are purely EXCELLENT fiercely rubbed with ghee and slow-raosted to perfection! The flesh will just melt off the baleen!
Oh yum baby-ji, bapribap!
---Grabstow Prickledash
Oh great: on top of everything else, a meshugene Parsi.
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