ENLIGHTENMENT

I can hear sirens, but they aren’t coming for me. Which is good, it means my awful secret has not been revealed.
In this day and age, they "subdue" folks like me – we are the people your mom warned you about.


CARNIVORES!


Once PETA stages its coup d'état, we will be hunted down and caged. They will know us by the shreds of bloody flesh dangling from our teeth. The sweet sweet reek of barbecue sauce. The hint of garlic and lime juice that still clings to our stained fingers.
And our firm handshakes.

We don’t eat tofu cooked by white people.

We are barbaric. We have bloodshot eyes and minds.

At an intersection nearby, there’s a very long line of people who wish to buy something vegetarian from a truck. Something with lentils and spices.
It is “yummy”, and good for your karma.

The customers, most of whom are white and in their twenties, look like they are approaching satori.
Bright, fresh faced, smiling. They are full of joy. And wheatgrass.
I despise them.
I had meat for lunch.

My shoes are leather. So is my belt. I like it that way.
I am a sinner. It is because of people like me that there’s that giant oil spill.
Think of the unhappy penguins!

When I go home, I rub myself with bear fat, and torture kittens.
Your children are right to fear me, I would give them peanuts and highly refined sugar. Make them play with wheat products. Eat cheese.
Test make-up on their pure innocent faces, and wrap them in synthetic fabrics.

Come here, little girl, would you like some battery chicken? Country music? Tobacco?
Oh good, the sirens are finally gone. They’ve arrested someone else.