Thursday, July 15, 2010

DON'T TINKLE HERE!

These are hard times. Sacrifices must be made. We're all well aware of that.


Notification received from our office manager:
"The first floor restrooms are now locked due to homeless coming in and using them. Since many of us also use these facilities I have requested keys (2 sets of each).
Please let me know if you have any other questions."


Oh good. What you really mean is that building security wasn't capable of telling worker bees and hobos apart.
How..... reassuring.

Actually, I shouldn't be so snippy. There are some right freaks in this neck of the woods, and many of them are gainfully employed. Perhaps other tenants just got too paranoid. Strange people flushing toilets? Yes, that's a profound cause for worry.

It must be those folks in the law-offices and investment houses on the lower floors. They look askance at the eccentrics who populate the upper elevations - many of us wear tie-dye tee shirts and rubber sandals, and good heavens, there's a large number of Indians on some floors! You know, those people! They talk computerese!
Engineers, freight expediters, book keepers, IT-wallahs, and archivists.
Faugh!
Things like these disturb nice middle-class suburbanites; such stuff is precisely what they don't like about the city.


Funky clothing. Foreigners and accents. People going to the bathroom.


It's all so very very very non-white.


What IS this world coming to?


It is time to retreat to the hills and guard the potty. Buy a gun. Put barbed-wire around your children, and scream at people. Do not let strangers poo!

In other news, slide rules and quills are no longer available at the local stationers.
Nor vellum either.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Of coursen people aren't supposed to urinate in office building bath rooms, thats what the elevators on BART are for!

R

lexicologically amphibious said...

"Homeless" is an adjective, not a noun.

Anonymous said...

I've occasionally tinkled on the Streets of San Francisco after 4+ too many whiskeys+waters and on the way back to Transbay terminals after 10PM, I'd found the bathrooms had closed.

One schooled in the Alchemystical Arts said...

What kind of stationers wouldn't stock slide rules, quills, and vellum? Don't they realize how truly anachronistic they are?

Milton said...

You should, however, be able to purchase a red Slingline stapler at your local stationers.

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