THE BRAY OF AFFLICTION

There's a very good reason why the Hillel Sandwich is never the special of the day at the lunch counter across the street. Not even in health-conscious San Francisco.

[Hillel Sandwich: chrein and charoses twixt matzes.]


ROCKET SCIENCE

All in all, there are very few things that one can do to make matze a popular comestible - bread-of-affliction kugel, hot bread-of-affliction mush with milk and cinnamon, pan-fried softened bread-of-affliction with sausage, bread-of-affliction lasagna, bread-of-affliction fatoush, bread-of-affliction casserole, bread-of-affliction pizza.
Bread-of-affliction with lutefisk.


Bread-of-affliction with cream cheese and smoked salmon is actually very good.


Still, I don't see anyone lining up around the block.



MATZE BREI

On the other hand, matze brei is miraculously wonderful. It can and should be eaten year-round, not just during the eight days.
This past weekend, Moshe had a bunch of us over for a bite to eat. One of the others asked him how come his matze brei tasted so much better than hers.

The "secret" is lots of butter.

Inundate matzes with boiling water, drain, and mix in an egg. One egg for every two matzes. Add a pinch salt. Fry it in lots of butter.
I emphasize: LOTS. OF. BUTTER.
Serve with fruit preserves or sugar for diners to add on themselves.


If instead you prefer a savoury matze brei, mix in a little chopped onion and parsley. You can also fry it in shmaltz..... make pan-fried softened bread-of-affliction with sausage. In which case a sploodge of hotsauce would be a good idea. Just remember that any vinegar-based hotsauce is, of course, chometz. Because vinegar is chometz. Not actually chometz, but the very definition and paradigm of chometz. Even if it isn't chometz, it is still one hundred percent the epitome of chometz.
Chometz. Chometz. Chometz. Chometz. Chometz. Chometz. Chometz.
Chometz. Chometz. Chometz. Chometz. Chometz. Chometz. Chometz.