Or leastways, I am not spam.
That is what the good robots over Blogger/Google have concluded.
I am so relieved. I thought I was toast.
This what they sent me last night:
Dear Blogger user,
This is a message from the Blogger team.
Your blog, at http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/, has been identified as a potential spam blog. For an explanation of what spam blogs are, please see Blogger Help:
dot dot [link removed] dot dot dot
You will not be able to publish posts to your blog until we review your site and confirm that it is not a spam blog. To request a review, please fill out the form found here:
dot dot [link removed] dot dot dot
We will take a look at your blog and unlock it within four business days. Please note that if we do not hear from you within 20 days, we will remove your blog. If this blog does not belong to you, then you do not have to do anything. Any other blogs you may have will not be affected.
Since you are an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not spam. We find spam by using an automated classifier. Automatic spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and occasionally a blog is flagged incorrectly. We sincerely apologize for this erroneous result. By using this kind of system, however, we can dedicate more storage, bandwidth, and engineering resources to users like you instead of to spammers.
Thank you for your understanding and for your help in our spam-fighting efforts.
Sincerely,
------The Blogger Team
Spam? Me? Tofu maybe, but spam? Has the world gone mad? I am not about pork.
You can probably imagine my state of mind at that moment.
Something in the vein of "Oh my heavens, they've discovered that I'm an illegal alien from outer space and killed Jimmy Hoffa. A man smoking a cigarette is coming after me, gonna kill me with an ice-pick at the cannibal chicken ranch. Digest me with extruded enzymes. My donkey is grass. I'm a goner. They're gonna report me to the IRS. My first wife will find out about my other ten wives AND the sheep. I'll have to hide my greasy leather diaper and the birches. All my base are belong to them."
dotdotdot - PAUSE - dotdotdot
"Wait a minute! I haven't done anything wrong, why am I upset? I've got nothing to worry about!"
And Blogger/Google agrees.
I am as innocent as any big black lesbian pro-wrestler can be.
Oh, and in case you really were going to come gunning for me, I live in Jamaica, and have a tattoo of a rattle snake in between my very full breasts. Honestly.
=====================================
Note that this means that I will not be using the other side of the lizard very often.
http://theothersideofthelizard.blogspot.com/
I had set it up as a reserve, just in case. But I think I'll just use it as a warehouse for weird stuff.
THEIR NATURAL HABITAT
There are more dogs in this neighborhood than children. One very rarely sees people walking their children outside when one is, hypothetical...
5 comments:
"I'm not about pork"? Dude, I've seen you eat pork. Sorry to out you and all, but really, I've never known anybody who could wax quite so rhapsodic about char siu.
You're a spam blog now? Ok. I'll help. I can handle this:
SPAM PASTA SALAD
1 12 oz. Package pasta curls
1 12 oz. Can of spam
1 Medium zucchini
1 Medium yellow or green pepper
10 cherry tomatoes, quartered
3 green onions
1/4 cup cucumber salad dressing
1/3 cup light vegetable oil
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
1/4 tsp pepper
chopped olives
paprika
Cut vegtables & spam in julienne strips.
Prepare pasta. Drain in medium bowl. Combine spam, pasta, zucchini, bell pepper, tomatoes olives & onions. In small bowl, combine dressing, oil & pepper.
Add to salad mixture, then toss. Sprinkle with cheese & paprika. Cover & chill. Stir gently before serving.
BAKED SPAM
1 can Spam
SAUCE:
1/3 c. light brown sugar
1 tsp. prepared mustard
1/2 tsp. vinegar
1 tsp. water
1/2 tsp. ground cloves
Place Spam in shallow pan. Score top. Clove surface. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 10 minutes. Pour sauce over loaf and bake another 15 minutes, basting every 5 minutes.
No! Not that spam- this spam!
Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
CUE THE VIKINGS!!!
Spam bleongs in Gujerati food.
Oh wait. That's tofu.
---Grant Patel
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