I AM THE BILE-MONKEY!

Imagine a conference room with about five dozen people.

Imagine that, after discussing legitimate company business, we then get forced to listen to a well-meaning lecture about reducing our carbon foot-print, greenifying the planet, and more or less saving the cetaceans.


Did I ever mention that Mondays are not my good day?

No?

Well then, MONDAYS..... ARE..... NOT...... MY..... GOOD..... DAY!



So, while being harangued, I looked around the room.

Over half of the people there own motor vehicles.
I don't drive.

Over two-thirds of the people there have reproduced.
I have never spawned.

Over three-quarters of the people there buy bottled water.
I drink tap.


I now have some suggestions for the next person who decides a captive audience is a suitable sponge for their sanctimony.


Encourage road-rage and parking violence. Do not watch teevee, just sit in the dark. Do not read, just sit in the dark. Burn your own waste for warmth. Do not wash. Eat raw unrinsed vegetables. If you live in California, do not eat rice.

Do not drink beverages the basic ingredients of which are not grown in your micro-climate, do not eat foods that are not grown in your state, and do not wear clothes that are not made in your country.


And above all, do not presume to tell me how to live my life until I can afford to be as wasteful and self-indulgent as your own suburbanite consumerist self. Thank you. Now please breathe my second-hand tobacco fumes.