Merry NITTLE-SHOPPING-MESS!

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According to several idiots whom I shan't name (oh what the heck: Bill O'Reilly (tv talking head and moron), William O'Donohue (Crusader rabble and moron), Jerry Fallwell (also known as 'The Angel Of Nausea', and moron), and Tom Wildmon (spokestroll of some xtian organization in the swamps below the Mason Dixon line, and moron), there is a 'war on Christmas'.

Do tell.

As evidence, these venerable gentlemen suggest that the phrase 'happy holidays' is a secularist abomination, the only purpose of which is to drive all mention of Baby Cheesewhip from the public discourse. Which is, according to them, part of the Sodom and Gomorah loving, Christian-hating, atheist, ACLU, liberal secular-humanist plot to delay the rapture, or something like that.


Nuts!


The phrase 'happy holidays' is deliberately inclusionary, so that everyone can buy into the shop-like-a-maniac frenzy. Jews, Christians, Hindus, Europeans, and Atheists. Even little baby inbred no-necks and other vermin. The purpose is to co-opt every body, get the world to buy into the process.

Mention of Baby Cheesewhip hasn't been part of the programme since Christmas became the biggest shopping fest in America. For that matter, Baby Cheesewhip has never been part of either mothers day or fathers day. And it's only by accident that Baby Cheesewhip gets mentioned by some folks on thanksgiving.


Gentlemen, Baby Cheesewhip has never been part of civilized American public discourse.


But if you want to link Baby Cheesewhip's name to the biggest damn sharkfeeding frenzy in the world, an orgy of credit-card debt, guilt, and nervous tension that happens every year between Thanksgiving and the New Years Fifty! Percent! Off! sales, go ahead. It's up to you.

Just don't expect the rest of us to take you seriously. After all, it's Christians who have turned Christmas into a mercantile abomination.


We were happy to sit on the sidelines and let y'all act goofy, but then y'all insisted that everybody buy buy buy. And it turned out well for the merchants and manufactures, benefitted the economy, and kept a few thousand more illiterate high-school drop-outs from loosing their jobs, so it seemed like a good idea. At the time.

So, while you're waging your "Merry Christian Or Else" crusade, just bear in mind that if you succeed, you'll be putting half of America out of business. Which means that they won't tithe, won't contribute to your non-stop greed-o-thon's, won't pay for the 'Baby Cheesewhip Is Your Friend Too' seminars, won't buy the 'Baby Cheesewhip Hears All And Sees All' sweatshirts and self-help books, and above all can't afford those Bahbles autographed by the 'author' that y'all are busking.


[Of course, at this point I should mention that the 'war on Christmas' issue is also discussed on a few other blogs.....
Like this one: http://dovbear.blogspot.com/
And also this one: http://wearing-yarmulka.blogspot.com/
(yeah, who would've ever thunk that anyone would link to BOTH of them, but hey, I'm 'deliberately inclusionary').]


Anyhoo, what I propose is that we change the name of the holiday to something more specific, yet more inclusionary. I propose NITTLE-SHOPPING-MESS.


Nittle, as an inclusionary note to the Jews.

Shopping, as an acknowledgement of the most important element in any American holiday, and a nod to the hard-working merchants who are the backbone of this country.

And Mess as an echo of the pagan roots of what, briefly, had been an exclusionary Christian celebration founded during the third century CE on the birthday of the sun god Mithras, marking the end of the Roman Saturnalia - a week of feasting and debauchery in mid-winter.

Merry Nittle-shopping-mess, y'all.
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