Mahmud Ahmedinejad and his evil twin skippy

Reading about Iranian President Ahmedinejad's meshune comments this past week felt distinctly odd...

Reason being that I've heard variations on his ideas for years. That, coupled with the report that when he was addressing an international meeting of Muslims a while back, he felt a divine light illuminate him, and the delegates sat there in breathless, silent rapture listening to his words.

Now, I could make a stretched comparison to the prophet Amos......

But instead, because I'm lazy and really not all that intelligent, I'll go for the cheap trick, and do my own variation on his themes.

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THE ANTIAHMEDINEJAD

Please pretend, for a moment, that I am the "antiAhmedinejad".
And that this is his speech.


THE MYTH OF PALESTINIAN VICTIMHOOD

"...Ehhem! The idea of Palestinian victimhood is a myth foisted upon the world by the Arabs, who seek to cover up two facts - the first fact being that there is no such thing as a Palestinian people; they are the descendants of opportunists and adventurers who moved into Mandate Palestine to take advantage of the safety provided by British administration after the collapse of the Ottoman empire, and the economic opportunities provided by resurgent Jewish life in the land. These alleged Palestinians in no way have the characteristics of a nation, a tribe, or even an ethnic group, being composed of transient Greek adventurers, Armenians, Gopts fleeing Egyptian oppression, Albanian mercenaries, Circassians, Turks, Kazars, Persians, Syrians, and Iraqis, Bedouin from the Sinai, and others - all the rootless flotsam of the Ottoman empire.

Zionism is, as the Hashemite King Abdallah said, the best thing that ever happened to the holy land, because it finally made what had been a malarial backwater bloom as it never had during Ottoman times, and restored a population to the most underpopulated part of the entire Middle-East. "



ARAB RESPONSIBILITY

"The second fact is that the misery of the alleged Palestinians is due entirely to the ruinous policies of Arab countries, who as their very first act, after the declaration of the state of Israel, invaded the land, intent on despoiling her cities, raping her populace, and seizing territory for themselves. They further covered up their own ineptitude and gross greed by lying to their own people, for nearly sixty years, about their military failures against Israel and each other, and their corrupt and extortionate politics in their own realms and fiefdoms.

These Arabs, these venal bullies - they have succeeded in fooling not only their own people, but also the citizens of Europe, Iran, and Berkeley, with this golden vision, this pipe-dream, of a mythic Palestine once Judenrein, which they profess to want to restore.


After sixty years, this cock-eyed fantasy should have exhausted its appeal. And it is no more than a fantasy. There never was a Palestinian people, there still isn't, and there probably will never be such a people. They remain the mixed bag of wanderers and economic migrants that they always ever were.

But let us assume that this Arab-concocted fable has some emotional appeal to the Arabs and other Muslims. It has long permitted them to blame their failures on Israel, and it has served to absolve their venal politicians from every scandal for just as long, provided that they also made sure to blame Israel. All this for more than three generations. "



A PALESTINIAN HOMELAND?

"Evenso, if there should be a Palestinian homeland, if there even might exist this fairy-tale people called 'Palestinians', why should it be foisted upon Israel?

What have the Jews done that they should be burdened so?

The Palestinian problem, if there even is one, is solely the responsibility of the Arabs, who fortunately have much open space and empty land with which this issue might be solved once and for all. There's an arc of Arab territory stretching over a thousand miles from Kurdistan to the Maghreb, scarcely occupied, which could definitely use the talents of a people who are arguably more educated than most of their coreligionists, certainly more businesslike and extrovert. Pushy and enterprising, even. These are good qualities.

The belt of Arab land stretches far up the Nile and deep into Africa, which is where so many of them came from anyway. There are Arab zones inside Persia that extend into Baluchistan and Afghanistan. There are the banlieus of Paris and Brussels. With such choices, why would they even want any part of a land which has, charitably, been described by eighteenth and nineteenth century travellers as "a flea-infested wasteland" and "a desolate landscape with nary a palm-tree to break the monotony". "



OUTCASTES

"Why would they (the alleged Palestinians) want any part of that?

Why do they, instead, lust so after that narrow coastal strip, the least portion of the old British Mandate of Palestine territory?

Because the Arab nation rejected them.

No-one in the Arab-world wanted these so-called Palestinians living anywhere near them, and so they are forced to live in squalid ghettoes, scattered over Lebanon, Jordan, and Mesopotamia.


Is this what good Muslims really want for their claimed brothers? Should they be relegated to filthy overcrowded camps, not allowed to take jobs, despised and exploited by the surrounding Arabs (who clearly do not recognize them as kin), and kept poor and downtrodden merely to prove the idealistic fantasy that they do not belong there, and do not deserve any part of the comfort and security that civilized Arab society offers its own people?"



SOMEWHERE IN NORTH AFRICA

"Nevertheless, far better that this mythic Palestinian homeland be located somewhere in the Islamic world than the holy land -- the now Jew-free mellahs of North Africa come to mind, as do the old Sephardic neighborhoods of Tunis and Libia - even the neighborhoods of Cairo and Alexandria whose Jewish residents were stripped of their citizenship and cast out.

Or perhaps they could live in the houses that were taken from Jews in Baghdad, Damascus, Aleppo, or Tripoli. Even Teheran. Do not return those houses to the Jews who were forced to flee sixty years ago, as they can not come back, having for so long suppressed all the love they logically must have once had for their former homes - instead give them to the Circassians and Albanians living in squalid camps in Lebanon. "

["Or even settle them in Malaysia - a lush tropic paradise filled with the indolent descendants of Sumatran and Javan colonists, who would be overjoyed to at last claim to outnumber the Chinese - it would finally give Mahathir Mohammad the Islamite majority that he and his fellow "Malays" have always dreamed of, in that garden peninsula that Bugis adventurers, Bornean pirates, and British mercenaries wrested from the VOC and Siam."]



WHY THE JEWS?

"Why should the Jewish world have to pay for these "Palestinians"? Why should they pay again? They've paid too much already, they've paid twice, three times over, and more!

Why should Jews be burdened by Arabs?


After all, it is an Arab problem.

The Arabs should welcome their "brothers", about whose suffering they have spoken so eloquently. Surely they would wish to provide their "cousins" and "fellow Arabs" the comfort of life in the warm embrace of the Arab world - the self-same Arab nation which yearns to soothe them? "



EUROPE?

"But if not in the Arab world - some "Palestinians" might understandably be hesitant to live among a people who have for so long treated them as outcastes - then somewhere in France would be best - there are already many millions of Arabs in France, so that country has well proven itself an environment in which Muslims can thrive. Their fellow Franco-Islamics will undoubtedly be more than willing to show them the ropes, and help them adapt to their new and glorious lives in the very heart of civilized, liberal, nearly Judenrein Europe. As will all those Europeans who's piles have bled for so long, and so passionately, on behalf of the "Palestinians".


Wherever these people are settled is unimportant, even the United Nations would applaud - as at last the longest running refugee crisis in the world would be solved, by the very nations that had caused it."


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I can already hear the approving applause of the Europeans, which will surely come after the 'antiAhmedinejad' delivers this speech in Strasbourg. Then on to Cairo, where the Arab masses will exult over this perfect solution. Soon hordes of "Palestinians" will enjoy the European sea-shores in summer, ski the Alps in winter, and contribute mightily to the European societies of which they will have become a well-appreciated part.
Thanks to socially conscious, progressive, sympathetic Europeans.

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Well, one can dream.
Heh heh heh.