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According to several idiots whom I shan't name (oh what the heck: Bill O'Reilly (tv talking head and moron), William O'Donohue (Crusader rabble and moron), Jerry Fallwell (also known as 'The Angel Of Nausea', and moron), and Tom Wildmon (spokestroll of some xtian organization in the swamps below the Mason Dixon line, and moron), there is a 'war on Christmas'.
Do tell.
As evidence, these venerable gentlemen suggest that the phrase 'happy holidays' is a secularist abomination, the only purpose of which is to drive all mention of Baby Cheesewhip from the public discourse. Which is, according to them, part of the Sodom and Gomorah loving, Christian-hating, atheist, ACLU, liberal secular-humanist plot to delay the rapture, or something like that.
Nuts!
The phrase 'happy holidays' is deliberately inclusionary, so that everyone can buy into the shop-like-a-maniac frenzy. Jews, Christians, Hindus, Europeans, and Atheists. Even little baby inbred no-necks and other vermin. The purpose is to co-opt every body, get the world to buy into the process.
Mention of Baby Cheesewhip hasn't been part of the programme since Christmas became the biggest shopping fest in America. For that matter, Baby Cheesewhip has never been part of either mothers day or fathers day. And it's only by accident that Baby Cheesewhip gets mentioned by some folks on thanksgiving.
Gentlemen, Baby Cheesewhip has never been part of civilized American public discourse.
But if you want to link Baby Cheesewhip's name to the biggest damn sharkfeeding frenzy in the world, an orgy of credit-card debt, guilt, and nervous tension that happens every year between Thanksgiving and the New Years Fifty! Percent! Off! sales, go ahead. It's up to you.
Just don't expect the rest of us to take you seriously. After all, it's Christians who have turned Christmas into a mercantile abomination.
We were happy to sit on the sidelines and let y'all act goofy, but then y'all insisted that everybody buy buy buy. And it turned out well for the merchants and manufactures, benefitted the economy, and kept a few thousand more illiterate high-school drop-outs from loosing their jobs, so it seemed like a good idea. At the time.
So, while you're waging your "Merry Christian Or Else" crusade, just bear in mind that if you succeed, you'll be putting half of America out of business. Which means that they won't tithe, won't contribute to your non-stop greed-o-thon's, won't pay for the 'Baby Cheesewhip Is Your Friend Too' seminars, won't buy the 'Baby Cheesewhip Hears All And Sees All' sweatshirts and self-help books, and above all can't afford those Bahbles autographed by the 'author' that y'all are busking.
[Of course, at this point I should mention that the 'war on Christmas' issue is also discussed on a few other blogs.....
Like this one: http://dovbear.blogspot.com/
And also this one: http://wearing-yarmulka.blogspot.com/
(yeah, who would've ever thunk that anyone would link to BOTH of them, but hey, I'm 'deliberately inclusionary').]
Anyhoo, what I propose is that we change the name of the holiday to something more specific, yet more inclusionary. I propose NITTLE-SHOPPING-MESS.
Nittle, as an inclusionary note to the Jews.
Shopping, as an acknowledgement of the most important element in any American holiday, and a nod to the hard-working merchants who are the backbone of this country.
And Mess as an echo of the pagan roots of what, briefly, had been an exclusionary Christian celebration founded during the third century CE on the birthday of the sun god Mithras, marking the end of the Roman Saturnalia - a week of feasting and debauchery in mid-winter.
Merry Nittle-shopping-mess, y'all.
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LOOKS LIKE VICTORY
While heading toward my apartment building I saw and heard a crow happily cawing on the high pole halfway up the block. It seemed postscient...
23 comments:
Its precisely becoaue of people like you that we need to fight the secularixation of Christmas!
it sabout Jezus, you perverts!
Finf Jezus and you will be saved, or aotherwise burn in HELL!
And another thing, youore probably jewish arent you?
Anonymous said...
And another thing, youore probably jewish arent you?
Why do you ask? Are you keeping a little list?
And no, dear anonymous, I'm not Jewish. I'm a priest of the Grelzakian Toad Cult, and you are a nasty unbeliever.
A murrain, a murrain, a plague, a plague, hip hip hoo!
whom I shan't name (oh what the heck
Nice preterition (going out of one's way to point out that one is not saying something, and then saying it).
Even little baby Republicans and other vermin
That's really not nice. I hope you edit it to something less offensive.
And no, dear anonymous, I'm not Jewish. I'm a priest of the Grelzakian Toad Cult
You could have fooled me. But then, on the other hand, I have at least half a brain in my head, whereas Anonymous (and all the other Anonymi on this site)....
Finf Jezus
I thought that Christians believed in a Trinitas, not a Quintinitas!
Tayere Mar Gavriyel,
I have changed it to "Even little baby inbred no-necks and other vermin".
You were right, that was not nice.
I've known some fine Republicans. Which by itself would not be enough to wash the type white, but I've also known some horrible Democrats.... so the verminous quality is not a political colour.
I do understand the preterition earlier mentioned.
I do perceive a hidden paradox in fine Republicans?
And horrible Democrats? a euphemism? hèhèhè
DdB
Oops... one questionmark too many.
Please replace it by an exclamation-mark!
DdB
And of course, for a beautiful Christian take on the whole mishegoss, click on this link:
http://www.haloscan.com/comments/dovbear/113401034351469393/#156987
Which, if it doesn't enter the comments as a clickable linkage, may be found by going to Dov Bear's blogspot (see links elsewhere on my blogspot), and looking for the article entitled THIS IS A GREAT COMMENT , posted by Mr. Bear at 9:06 AM.
Happy hunting, merry kratchmatch, and bruchashem.
And Merry Chnukke!
May all your Chnukkes be white!
And speaking veisse chnukkes, do not overlook the classic rendition of 'Al Hhanuqat al beidh', which can be found here:
http://mis-dakdek.blogspot.com/2005/12/important-ms-found.html
and here:
http://lipmans.blogspot.com/2005/12/white-chnukke.html
and even here:
http://www.geocities.com/storagecellar/White_Chnukke.mp3
And if this is too complicated, go here:
http://atthebackofthehill.blogspot.com/2005/12/al-hhanuqat-al-beidh.html
congratulations! you ranted yourself right into a nice long post that PROVES the point of all the folks you really don't agree with!
Ola Anonymous,
I did not say they didn't have a point. Their point, however, is dead wrong. And if you think I'm waging a war on Xmas, you're nuts, and you don't know how to read.
If I'm waging war on anything or anybody here (which I'm not, because I'm rather unimpressed by the whole insanity), it's on tweezerbrains like O'Reilly, O'Donohue, Falwell, and Wildmon.
There is no war on Christmas. If there was, the Bill O'Reilly's of the world already lost it. Their own people already turned it into a mercantile orgy with almost no religious connotations.
The rest of us don't celebrate Xmas. So we're not interested in changing it. We don't care. It's your party, not ours. Go ahead and enjoy it, as I said before, we don't care.
An nobody cares whether someone says happy holidays, joyous kwanzaa, sweet solstice, OR merry Xmas EXCEPT the nut-jobs.
Nobody says you can't say merry Xmas. Go ahead, say it. Scream it in plastic and lights from the roof of your house.
On the other hand, secularists and sceptics may choose to wish someone a happy holiday instead - it's called freedom of speech.
To my Xtian friends: Merry Xmas.
To my non-committed friends: Happy Holidays.
To my Muslim friends: Eid Mubarak.
To those who got their knickers in a twist: neener, neener, neener.
Ola Anonymous,
I did not say they didn't have a point. Their point, however, is dead wrong. And if you think I'm waging a war on Xmas, you're nuts, and you don't know how to read.
If I'm waging war on anything or anybody here (which I'm not, because I'm rather unimpressed by the whole insanity), it's on tweezerbrains like O'Reilly, O'Donohue, Falwell, and Wildmon.
There is no war on Christmas. If there was, the Bill O'Reilly's of the world already lost it. Their own people already turned it into a mercantile orgy with almost no religious connotations.
The rest of us don't celebrate Xmas. So we're not interested in changing it. We don't care. It's your party, not ours. Go ahead and enjoy it, as I said before, we don't care.
An nobody cares whether someone says happy holidays, joyous kwanzaa, sweet solstice, OR merry Xmas EXCEPT the nut-jobs.
Nobody says you can't say merry Xmas. Go ahead, say it. Scream it in plastic and lights from the roof of your house.
On the other hand, secularists and sceptics may choose to wish someone a happy holiday instead - it's called freedom of speech.
To my Xtian friends: Merry Xmas.
To my non-committed friends: Happy Holidays.
To my Muslim friends: Eid Mubarak.
To those who got their knickers in a twist: neener, neener, neener.
You will not have a good end, and your life will be miserable, until you stop denying HIM whose saved for your sins.
Until then you are cursed and you will crall through the mud.
I hope you do not think that you will cause true believers to doubt our Savior. You see, those of us who know the truth are only saddened that you are doing Satan's work.
Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the light and those who believe and confess their sins will live forever in His kingdom, but those not accepting the salvation that Christ's death offered will burn in hell.
I can only believe that there will be different degrees of torture in the place that I will never know. Those who lead the lambs astray will be faced with a death even more cruel than being thrown into a lake of fire.
As a child of God, I need to call your attention to the unforgivable sin, "blasphemy of the holy spirit". I have prayed for your salvation, because even though you mock God we are told to pray for those who curse us.
Turn back before it is too late.
If you died tomorrow where would you go?
If you died tomorrow where would you go?
Haven't actually picked out a funeral home yet... got any recommendations?
Somewhere in the SF Bay Area, preferably blasphemous and non-sectarian. With plenty of parking.
I'm just ever so flattered that a 'true believer' would deign to talk to me, bless my stars, this must be my lucky day.
Wow. Weird Christian anger. Totally cool. Merry Chrixmas.
Back of the hill is an absolute heretic and nobody should read his writings.
Anybody that reads this will be reading apikorsish garbage.
This is BITTUL TORAH.
Scornful Sinner,
Shame on you. You make Baby Cheesewhip cry.
Sincerely,
Saved Saint
Sweet Cheesewhip!
If Cheesewhip cries, perhaps the can is too close to the grill.
Better it should move out of Philly.....
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