REVISITING KANSAS CITY

A number of the McClelland tobaccos still have avid fans, despite the company shutting it's doors over two years ago. Not surprisingly, the Frog Morton range continue to excite the minds and fevered glands of Hobbits.
I shan't say anything negative about them and that; the world apparently needs Hobbits, damn their perverted souls, and they make good filler for compost heaps. Them and their hairy legs.
Nope. Nothing negative.
Disgusting freaks.
Sod them.

Virginia No. 24, Saint James Woods, and Dominican Glory (containing cigar leaf) also have adherents. As well as the old 5100, which many smokers sorely miss.

By far the sanest people, and unfortunately a distinct minority, are the people who liked Wilderness, Legends, and Syrian Three Oaks. I myself love all three, but was especially fond of Syrian Three Oaks. Of which thanks heavens I still have a few months worth.

A fairly complete listing: HERE


MCCLELLANDS

McClelland Virginia No. 24
Deep chestnut Virginias pressed with a smidgeon of Turkish leaf. Rather subtle, and rather good. Woodsy, hay, herbals, and wild things.
A very decent tobacco, which I remember fondly.
Quite a nice product.

Saint James Woods
A rich and satisfying smoke, composed of a fair amount of black and red. Nicely mottled. What makes it sing is the addition of Perique.
The word that comes to mind is 'creamy'.
Rather good.

Dominican Glory
Cigar leaf pressed with Virginia and matured. Floral, vegetative, variegated ribbon cut. The addition of cigar leaf may have been a somewhat pointless exercise, as such tobacco fades in intensity with only very little age in the blend; after one or two years it is hardly noticeable, other than a dry mouth feel in the smoke. Still, this is a fun tobacco and I wish I had stockpiled a few dozen tins of it before the end.
Very decent.

No.5100 Red Cake
A fruity mild Virginia that had an appeal to older smokers. Not as sweet as some Virginias, more depth than most. This was a "house blend" at many tobacconists. One of the people locally who misses it enormously is the biggest penny-pinching cheap bastard in modern specialty medicine, whom I haven't seen since early 2018 when he was panicking, his world had come to an end, what to do, what to do?



THREE "GUEST" BLENDS FOR MCCLELLANDS
The following products were manufactured by MCC, but not invented by them. And some of the leaf they used had to be purchased from other manufacturers. All three mixtures were masterpieces.

Legends
Medium English, exceptional.
A desert island tobacco.
Blend by Fred Hanna.

Syrian Three Oaks
English-Balkan, medium-full, truly extraordinary.
One of my all-time favourites.
Blend byTad Gage.

Wilderness
Medium English, veering slightly toward mild. A stellar blend.
Complexity, subtlety, and depth.
Blend by Fred Hanna.



In addition to once again emphasizing that every one of the Frog Morton blends appealed to callow youths and peasants who read "The Lord Of The Rings", or all seven books in the Harry Potter trilogy, about whom nothing bad can be said, I should mention ONE other McClelland tobacco:

Honeydew (McClelland’s 221B Series)
A subtly sweet, fragrant flake tobacco in the Irish tradition

"The sweet, fragrant Honeydew was all gone by the time Susan Cushing offered the container to Sherlock Holmes, but he was undoubtedly familiar with this fine Irish flake’s gratifying flavor, pleasing aroma and gentleness on the palate."

Despite my better nature, I am fond of this bizarre product. Along with others in the 221B range, based more or less on the drecky novels by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. It's a tobacco for Hello Kitty and manga heroines.
But remarkably well made and actually quite smokeable.
With a topping that doesn't dominate.
Quality Virginias.


I tried to inveigle the boys of the local pipe club into smoking this once, but they just looked at me funny and backed away. Chickens.

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THEY'RE STILL SEARCHING

Two years after McClelland Tobacco shut down people are still desperate to find their products, or reasonable replacements. Which is a predictable development; I myself, had I known what was going to happen, might have stockpiled their stuff. More than I did.

I have not opened a tin of McClellands in probably thirty months.
Yet I have enough MC to smoke for four years.
Neener neener neener.


One pipe smoker I know, a remarkably stingy piece of work (a nice man), was desperate in those first few months, and picked my brain on the matter.
I steered him in what I thought would be the right direction, he was naturally disappointed with what he found, and thinks less of me in consequence.
And though I like him, I do not regret him fading from my circles.
Despite my immense affection for neurotic dickheads.


If you liked blends with heavily pressed red Virginia, you liked McClellands. But they are gone. Get over it. There are other tobaccos to put in your pipe, enjoyably, and even if your routine for the last ten centuries has been 5100 in your pipe while you dawdle over the Methodist Clarion and it's thoughtful editorials with half a pint of ale for three hours to the despair of the genial bar tender who puts up with you and your hogging the counter you remarkable cheap bastard, change is good.


If you cannot find something under the imprimatur of Samuel Gawith, Robert McConnell, Rattray, or Cornell & Diehl / Greg Pease that suits you, or goes well with a cup of strong Assam tea (stop drinking Whatney's Red Barrel, you pretendeur!), you are probably hopeless. Even Sutliff is trying to cater to you, and Scandinavian Tabak also has some fine products.


I personally find McConnell Red Virginia (tangy, fruity, faintest vanilla-like hint naturally occurring) more than passable, and Robert McConnell's Scottish Cake (Virginia, Kentucky, Perique) is also a fine product. Neither are, strictly speaking, my cup of tea, being much more of an aficionado of Elizabethan, Dunbar, and Dorchester, but both should keep you happily pissing off your bartender with your five feet of necessary counter space and one measely half pint of Auld Pretencion IPA in six hours during the busy part of the evening when sports is on the telly. And none of us civilized folks will have to run into you in Chinatown when we wander about smoking after a nice hot cup of Hong Kong Milk Tea and a delicious pastry.

Like my aunt, I find myself obsessing over delicious pastries.
Not as bad as when she came to San Francisco.
But never the less.

Pastries and vodka. Those were quests of hers.
She should' have smoked a pipe.
That's just a thought.


Go ahead; ensconce yourself.

Delicious pastries, mmmmmmmm!


Ran into a chap looking for 'Christmas Cheer' by McClelland the other day. He had a list of 'must try' tobaccos, but had no blessed clue that all of the McClelland oeuvre is damned hard to find now. They made a special blend for the holidays since 1992, different each year but all listed as Virginias, and avidly sought after. Unless, like me, you eschew special edition tobaccos.

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WHAT THEY WERE DOING IN KANSAS CITY (MCCLELLANDS)

Seeing as they've been out of production for nearly two years, and besotted mavens are still buying and selling them on the internet for ridiculous prices, it is, perhaps, time to do a few recollective reviews. McClelland tobaccos were in many marvelous iterations mainstays of the industry, and this blogger has smoked his fair share of their products. Of all types.

That said, other than for the purpose of writing her doctoral thesis, a young lady reader of this blog will not find much in this post to interest her.
Unless she likes the smell of burning leaves in Autumn.
Because that's what this post represents.
Burning leaves in Autumn.



ACADIAN RIBBON (BLAKENEY'S BEST)
A lovely peculiarity. Aged Virginia, touch of Perique. Goes very well with a cup of milk-tea, while torrential rains cascade from the eaves.
Deep and fruity, a note of pepperiness. Very satisfying.
Aged for a long time it can be awesome.
☆

ARCADIA (221 b SERIES)
Frankly, I cannot understand why every one is excited about this one. It's okay, but kind of boring. A very good friend swears this is the best tobacco blend ever produced, and he's heartbroken that it's no longer made.
Stinky Turk, elderly Virginian, not enough Syrian pervert.
Yeah, um, no. Stick to your cigars, dude.

AURORA (COLLECTORS SERIES)
The full array of possible Virginia flavours and smells. Figgy, raisiny, plummy. Just enough black Virginia to add depth, not to dominate. This is a complex and enjoyable product, and I'm glad I still have a few tins left.
☆☆

BALKAN BEAUTY
Spicy and woodsy, and not at all like a Slavic woman with hair on her lip. Sort of recommended. In the tin it is truly a lovely variegated product.
I did not stock up on this.
Which I regret.
☆

BAYOU SLICE (BLAKENEY'S BEST)
Nice small slices of a mottled appearance, matured Virginias paired with Perique. Mid-winter, bitter cold, and a lovely fire going. Like, for instance, your non-smoking neighbor's house.
Yes, I miss this one. I may have another tin of it somewhere.
Tangy, with a fermented fragrance.
☆☆

BEACON (COLLECTORS SERIES)
Mixed Virginias with Perique. Smooth, delicate, delightful. This is an exceptional VaPer, of which I wish I had stashed more.
☆☆☆

BEACON EXTRA (CLUB BLENDS)
Dark, dark fruit. An indulgent decadent flake.
The paradigm of figginess.
☆

BLACK SHAG (221 b SERIES)
This isn't shag. It's a good smoke, though. Despite the deliberate appeal to Sherlock Holmes fans. Who are just as insufferable as Trekkies and Star Wars geeks, on the level of the RPG brutes.

BLACK TIE (PIPER'S CHOICE)
Uninteresting.

BLUE MOUNTAIN
Supposedly a reproduction of Balkan Sobranie 759. It isn't. But it's excellent. One of the best things I ever did was buying all the tins that Grant's on Market Street had in stock so that a fellow pipe-smoker wouldn't have it. Rich and fun, an over-the-top smoke.
I'm sitting on a pile.
☆☆

BOMBAY COURT
Latakia and Turkish forward.
Good. Not exceptional.

BOMBAY EXTRA
Better.

BOSTON 1776 (GREATER KANSAS CITY CLUB BLEND)
The local pipe club had a sample tin of this. I smoked all of it. Dense, mottled, tangy. A little too earthy and bold to be a mainstay, but a nice indulgence now and then.

BRINDLE FLAKE
Darkish flake, nice.

BRITISH WOODS
A superlative English-style for the cold season.
Nice, and offensive to non-smokers.
I treasure this.
☆☆☆

DARK STAR
Old tramp steamer, smuggling guns to the rebels.
Dark Virginias, heavy press.
Good.
☆

DEEP HOLLOW
When your cat finds you petting another animal.
Somewhat regrettable, but I enjoyed it.
Apple cider and light vanilla.
A mundane Aromatic.

DOMINICAN GLORY, DOMINICAN GLORY MADURO
Both of these are damned fine smokes for a contemplative man.
Which I sometimes claim to be.
Aged Virginias, cigar leaf.
I've stashed a bit of it.
For a rainy day.
☆☆

FROG MORTON
English in style. It's okay.

FROG MORTON ACROSS THE POND
More English in style. Also okay.

FROG MORTON ON THE TOWN
Also English. Likewise kind of okay.

FROG MORTON'S CELLAR
Unique. English. Okay.

FROG MORTON ON THE BAYOU
Balkan with Perique. Why?

FULL BALKAN RESERVE - CORPS (CLUB BLENDS)
Smooth and rich, not as Latty as you might like. Similar to Frog on Town, but considerably better. A solid medium level.
☆

GREY HAVENS
Burley, Virginia, Perique, top dressing.
Not my style, but whatever.

HONEYDEW (221 b SERIES)
A peculiarity of monumental dimension. John O. writes: "Honeydew is a sugar-rich sticky liquid, secreted by aphids and some scale insects as they feed on plant sap. When their mouthpart penetrates the phloem, the sugary, high-pressure liquid is forced out of the anus of the aphid."
Hello Kitty likes this.
☆

LATAKIA FLAKE (BLAKENEY'S BEST)
Smoke this slow, late at night, with a glass of sherry. Reminiscent in several profound ways of the old Bengal Slices.
☆☆

LEGENDS
Smooth and exceptionally well-balanced, a medium English.
This is what lazy afternoons are meant for.
Compounded by Fred Hanna.
☆☆☆

NAVY CAVENDISH
Dark Virginias and rum. Tangy and fruity.
Sometimes it hits the spot perfectly.
Your wild animals will like it.
As do I.
☆

NEW CENTURY (CPCC - CLUB BLENDS SERIES)
An exercise in Balkan mixtures, dark in hue, with Cyprian and Basma. Smooth medium. Dammit, I only have one tin left.
☆

NO. 22
Matured Virginia broken flake. It's tasty.
Medium strength, and balanced.
☆

NO. 24
Old dark Virginias and Turkish. Somewhat more subtle than many flakes. and altogether rather good. When the time is right, this tobacco sings.
Woodsy, grassy, and ages exceptionally well.
☆

NO. 25
Almost monodimensional.
Good. Not great.

NO. 27
A mild-smoking medium Virginia, with nice notes. Good for an all day smoke, or middle of the night after going to Bob's Donuts.
It's mostly red Virginias.
Very enjoyable.
☆

NO. 5100 RED CAKE
Good for smoking straight or as a blender. Medium-mild.
It was one of their bulk offerings.

NORDING'S DOGS
Beagle, Foxhound, Labrador, Pointer, Retriever.
Decent, albeit uninspired.

OLD DOG (ASHTON SERIES)
Prominent presence of Latakia. A dark blend, woody and somewhat fruity. Surprisingly easy smoking, and enjoyable, but one really has to be in the mood for this, as in a way it's more-or-less a one shot wonder.
The Xanthi does add a note of complexity.
This may piss off your better half.
Worth it.
☆

ORIENT 996 - VINTAGE 2007
Resinous and woodsy, spicy notes. An easy smoke. Not very much Latakia, the red Virginias are more noticeable.
The Yendidje is almost inconspicuous.
A decent blend, not a great blend.

ORIENTAL MIXTURE NO. 1
Mild, well made, but almost bland. In the general category of Dunhill EMP or some of the lighter German offerings.

ORIENTAL MIXTURE NO. 6
The orange Virginias dominate, and for people who like that this is perfect. The Orientals play a strictly secondary role.

ORIENTAL MIXTURE NO. 8
Medium strength red cake and Orientals, it is a very good product that packs well and burns cleanly. It has Latakia, but not in buckets.
A restrained blend for a quiet afternoon.

ORIENTAL MIXTURE NO. 12
A nice blend. Not very complex. This one benefits from aging, but you will have to wait several years.

ORIENTAL MIXTURE NO. 14
Deeper and richer. We're getting there.

SMYRNA NO. 1
This is one of the blends in the Grand Oriental Series that I actually thoroughly enjoyed. I made off with the sample tin, and rather regret that it is no longer available. Medium, with a good spectrum of Turkish saveur.
☆

ST. JAMES WOODS
Spicy-sweet, dark, earthy. The smoke is rich and creamy.
☆

SYRIAN FULL BALKAN
Dark, full, and like many Latakia blends at the blacker end of the spectrum, monochromatic.

SYRIAN SUPER BALKAN
The fullest of their Syrian offerings, with the addition of Perique, which may have been a mistake.

SYRIAN STAR (GREATER KANSAS CITY CLUB BLEND)
Not a Latakia powerhouse, more of a medium English. But an exceptionally nice medium English. Perfect for rainy days, when you've slammed the phone down on your mother-in-law, and wish to relax for an hour.
☆☆

TAWNY FLAKE (BLAKENEY'S BEST)
Straight Virginias, very nicely done. Mild to medium, and a very pleasant early Autumn or late winter indulgence.
☆

THREE OAKS (SYRIAN)
A lovely English style mixture, which I have thoroughly enjoyed. Far less of the signature McClelland pong than many other of their products, very likely because the original genius who invented it (Tad Gage) did not use too much McClelland blending tobacco in his composition. I have slightly more than a three six month supply of it left, sealed, and it's all mine.
Outstanding and memorable.
☆☆☆

VIRGINIA WOODS
Now, I liked this, a lot, but very many people didn't. Good thing I have a few tins left. Ribbony and mostly red.
☆

WILDERNESS
Medium English. This is a very good blend composed by Fred Hanna, and well-worth acquiring. Complex and masterful.
☆☆☆

YENICE AGONYA
Smells lovely, benefits from age.
Too much Virginia.

YENIDJE HIGHLANDER
I am not so sure that the addition of Maryland was a good idea, but it may please some Dutchmen. It is a beautiful looking mixture, but it takes a few bowls to appreciate. Worth acquiring, but no idea how it will age.

YENIDJE SUPREME
Illustrates why Turkish leaf must be paired with Latakia. Which this blend does not do. Ethereal, and reminds me of expensive European cigarettes.



McClelland ceased operations at the beginning of 2018, ending a forty-year run which brought many hours of civilized pleasure to grumpy old coots of every age, from teens to decrepit fossiltude. The shelves of many tobacconists look far emptier now.

Special mention must be made of Legends, Three Oaks, and Wilderness, those being English style mixtures of which I am glad I still have tins.
They gild the past, and will make glorious the future.

Oh, and the tins of Blue Mountain.
Splendid stuff too.

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THE MORE THINGS CHANGE ...

There are evocative smells. Your elderly aunty's hidden lingerie drawer, for instance, or fermenting apples in a neighbor's yard. Both have an autumnal fragrance -- the first because of long forgotten maidenly fruitings, the latter due to late-stage vegetal sugars -- and, remarkably, whatever connotations they might have to dispassionate adults, to your childhood self they meant something much more innocent, and more 'other'.

Aunty used to be flirtatious! Who knew?

A completely fictional aunty, of course, and you'll just have to imagine the sultry perfume of French soap, a bar of which would always be there to chase away the moths, and a young lady's delicate perspiration when the military officer asked her to dance. He was just ever so dashing!
She blushed. And spilled some sherry down her cleavage.
Please do NOT imagine the cleavage.
Modesty, you know.


In the same way I enjoy my fictional aunty's wild side, I enjoy the products of McClelland Tobacco Company. Meaning mostly as an intellectual exercise. Especially that infamous whiff of vinegar (a natural fermentational effect), which some have likened to a ketchup reek, or barbecue sauce.
I found their flakes excellent, but often too dense to smoke.
Splendid products, marvelously well made.
And I shall miss them.

[One anomaly that I like entirely despite myself is the tobacco that Hello Kitty would smoke.
But an earlier phase of profound McClelland enjoyment produced dead camels.]

All credit is due Mike and Mary McNeal for keeping fine tobacco alive during a generation of dross. Their example undoubtedly inspired others, who have gained stature in their footsteps.


That said, I also enjoy other tobaccos as much, and probably more. It will take me many years to smoke the nearly twenty five pounds of various McClelland tobaccos I've stashed over the previous decade.
Sealed tins. I cannot enjoy the smell.
Not until I open them.



If you liked their Virginias, try Samuel Gawith's Full Virginia Flake, St. James, or Golden Glow. For the lovers of Latakia blends, Greg Pease has damned fine stuff, as do Gawith and Germain. And the Germans and Danes are making some very interesting blends, under several names.
Rattrays, McConnell, Zechbauer, Dan; all German.
Though mostly made in Denmark.
Orlik, as well as HH.
Et autres.


Even today there is still good tobacco.

POST SCRIPTUM: at present I am smoking an English flake in an old and very Londonian Canadian. It is very nice. I shall have to air out this place before my apartment mate returns in several hours, as she is not fond of the smell of pipe tobacco, though she seemingly doesn't mind the old fossils who smoke it. She has her own room. The door is closed.
A very stern Teddy Bear is behind that door.

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OBSCURATEURS, FOSSILS, AND KVETCHY OLD MEN

All week long fellow pipe smokers have crawled out from under their rocks, blinked, and finally realized that a company they respected, or perhaps even of which they had smoked the products several times over the years, had closed its doors. And that every last shred of tobacco had been sold, there was no more, nope, that was it. It all happened in less than a month, and they had been asleep the entire time.

"How could this even happen?" they wailed disconsolately, and "is it a plot? The end times?"

"Well, boys", I would ask, "are you ever on the internet?"

Or "do you do Facebook?"


Apparently, no. And they just cannot understand how one of the bedrock brands of their world could disappear. Why weren't they warned?
Why is there no revolution?


The company, of course, is McClelland, which for over forty two years manufactured stellar aged pressed Virginias, as well as a number of iconic tobacco mixtures containing Xanthi, Samsoun, Smyrna, and Latakia.
Very many tobacconists and pipe mavens relied on them.
They ran out of sources of Red Virginia.
And decided to retire.

[There's more to it than that, of course. Changing crop patterns and post-harvest processes, small family farms versus big tobacco, state discouragement of certain crops, and the FDA as the big Mac Daddy of anti-tobacco thuggery ... all coming to a head at the same time. For McClelland it was the perfect storm.]

The news spread like wild fire, despite the audience being dinosaurs.
Many retailers hadn't a clue till the phones started ringing.


The speed with which all products were snapped up when it became clear that no more would ever be made was a snowball effect. It went from the merest rumbles to enormous clusterfudge in less than a week. But for many of these unhappy cavemen I mentioned, it is still incomprehensible. Evil must be afoot. They forget that they are, in the grand scheme of things, rather small and insignificant, like insects.

While they were puttering around in their forest glade, happily puffing some exquisite mixture that only they had heard about, a few thousand members of pipe smokers' forums, clubs, and Facebook groups went into overdrive and purchased an eternity's worth of their favourite blends, plus several dozen cans of anomalies and mixtures they had meant to try at some point. Plus a pound of this, and a pound of that. When a significant segment of the customers buy up far more than their normal usage overnight, it is not at all surprising that soon nothing is left.


Perhaps you should get out from underneath that rock more often.
Sign up for e-mail and Facebook, at the very least.
Connect with your fellow neurotics.
Be more 'social'.


REMOVE YOUR DAMNED BLINKERS

Oh, and develop some perspective. Pipesmokers don't count for a whole lot. The overwhelming majority of all tobacco leaf worldwide is turned into cigarettes. What little is left (less than ten percent) is divided among cigars (including cheap rotten stogies which are the largest category of cheroot by far), chaw, snus, snuf, nicotine patches, vape liquid, and pipe blends.
Of all this, cigars take up the lion's share.

Pipe tobacco is a mere fraction, and almost all of that will be aromatic shite.
Most pipe tobacco will be a few big brands, sold at liquor and drug stores.
The percentage of smokers who actually like quality leaf, unperfumed and undrenched, is very minor indeed, and their attention is spread over several dozen brands, a few hundred blends. Which are all unique though unimportant, and far too often labours of love.


Admit it: you are the only person who smokes Syphilitic Sailor Shag you know, except for that gentleman you met many years ago while traveling.
But he preferred Porn Starlet Plug, or Fat Slag Flake, Ready Rubbed.

The nearest pipe smokers in your neck of the woods ALL smoke Major Roughshod's Vanilla Cake, and collectively think you mighty queer.


Among the dozen plus active members of our local pipe club, maybe half liked McClelland occasionally, three or four smoked some of their blends semi regularly. Most of the pipesmokers I have met in the last decade, who wouldn't join a pipe club if you paid them, were perfectly happy with 1-Q, BCA, RLP-6, Captain Black, and Borkum Riff Bourbon, Cherry, Black, or Original. Which are all aromatic Cavendish mixtures. The second largest group consists of Half & Half, Prince Albert, Sir Walter Raleigh, plus rare ventures into strawberry mango surprise and vanilla melon custard.
Yes, that's probably more than ninety percent of them.
You can understand why I keep to myself.
Too many eccentrics.



On a personal level, I can sympathize with the Luddites and their loss.
But generally speaking my piles do not bleed.

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THE SNOWBALL EFFECT

Over the past three weeks rumours of the end of McClellands, first angrily denied by people who did not want to believe, then more or less confirmed, with ripple-effects of their closing spreading far and wide and disturbing old codgers from their stone-age reveries as they turned on their computer for the once a month visit to the present century, started what became a perfect sh*t storm in real time, observed with fevered fascination by everyone who was more fully connected.

Such as my self. I do not have a cellphone, and my laptop on which I am typing this is at least seven or eight years old.

[Background: McClelland is/was a manufacturer of top quality pipe tobacco. Because the FDA threw spanners into the works, and states are paying farmers to NOT grow the evil weed, and a variety of other factors culminating all at once, McClelland has thrown in the towel. 
Mike and Mary will retire. Which is well-deserved.]

Some people bought every ounce they could find.
For a variety of reasons.


DAVID IS ANNOYED!

One member of a large fraternity of pipe smokers vented spleen, roughly at the same time as I returned from Marin where I had been babysitting cigar-huffing dickwads for three days.


Dave E. wrote:

"Not going to point fingers but gonna say what’s on my mind. I know I will get haters but haters are gonna hate.

I knew months ago what was likely going to happen and I personally bought what little I could of McClelland blends so that I could personally enjoy them and share them with friends as opportunity presents itself. I already had stocked up what little I could afford over the last 3 years because I found blends that suited me and I enjoy. Never intending to do anything but smoke them and enjoy them as time passes. I know there are many out there much like me.

I see posts and hear about purchases made in this mad rush of quantities that far exceeded my meager cellar built over 3 plus years. Again if they are for personal use and enjoyment I am glad for those who were able to stock up on their favorite blends.

Now for the part that’s gonna piss some people off. Those out there who bought up every possible blend knowing they have no real intentions of smoking them, some even admitting they don’t even like them or aren’t even going to try them as they just want to cash in on the surge and future rarity of them. Those who bought a tin that some true lover of the blend would love to have for a normal online/retail price and now have them advertised for multiple times what they paid just to cash in and gouge the people they call “friends”. I am sure you know who you are and I am also sure you don’t really care what I think or anyone thinks as long as you make your money, well to you I say you lack integrity at the very least and I find your behavior of such a low nature that I wish for you all to choke and cough and find every bowl of tobacco you ever smoke bitter and vile and as I am sure you have no conscience to nag at you so I hope the gods of tobacco bring karma upon you all."


The majority of the people who reacted overwhelmingly agree.

As, indeed, do I. Wholeheartedly.


My comment:

"I've stockpiled tobacco since I worked at Drucquers. I've always been a hoarder. I started buying McClellands for rainy day aging again when I began to frequent Marty Pulvers old shop. I have enough McClellands to last me three plus years of smoking (if I were to smoke nothing else), which realistically will actually take over a decade or so to get through. And other than what I'll share with the Pipe Club (parsimoniously, because I'm a miser), I intend to smoke all of it. But I regret their passing, and wish that there had been more time.
PS: In the last month I purchased two 50 gramme tins of Dominican Glory Maduro, one 100 gramme tin of Navy Cavendish, and a tin of Bayou Slice. I've finished that last one mentioned already.
PS No. 2: I intend to live forever. My stockpile will continue to grow in that time."

For the record, I have very little Frog Morton. Of any kind.
Products with precious names do not appeal to me.

That's one of the reasons I do not drink vodka.

Or Captain Morgan rum.


Further for the record, I spent the better part of the last three hours cleaning up an estate pipe I acquired today, and will step outside for a while to smoke it now. I am hoping that some adenoidal wheatgerm freak, vegan, new age hippie, or glutenphobe will be triggered and have an amusing tantrum because of that, as it will add so much to my enjoyment.
As Eric Cartman would say: "I hate those guys".


Oh, and another thing: I've got a new bottle of cheapazoid Scotch.
Both for drinking, and pipe cleaning.
Thought you should know.

Why am I looking at a tin of Erinmore Mixture from the previous century? That stuff was unsmokeable then, and is probably more so now.

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A PESTILENCE UPON THIS LAND

From a tobacco perspective the past week has been educational. Rumours, so far not confirmed, indicate that a much beloved company may soon be no more. McClelland Tobacco, founded by Mike and Mary McNeil over forty years ago, is apparently reducing production OR closing, due to a number of factors, none of them financial. The scarcity of Red Virginia which is up to their standards is one thing, the almost complete absence now and for the foreseeable future of Syrian Latakia is another, the FDA being a blister about tobacco a third, and the government paying farmers to not grow the one crop that made the colonies profitable comes fourth. And there's more.
Plus Mike and Mary have been doing this for over a generation.
It's time to enjoy the fruits of their labours.
Now is as good a time as any.


Roger: "Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history."


Any substitutions, of course, mean that the blend(s) in question could not be "grandfathered in". It would be a new product, subject to the entire shitcan of punitive measures meant to cripple the tobacco trade.

What the McNeils have reportedly indicated to a number of people in the industry is that despite present circumstances they will continue, albeit with a much more limited palette of products. That likely means that many of the blends that you enjoy will NOT be made, nor likely ever made again.

Other sources state, however, that they are shutting down.
Permanently. Completely. Entirely.


*      *      *      *      *


Many of us have a stash to last us quite a while, but we want more; with the disappearance of so many fine blends and companies over the past quarter of a century, each new loss spurs us to further acquisition, and makes us despise the long cold claw of the anti-tobacco fiends worse.


Smokers of aromatics are unconcerned at present; their tawdry pleasures seem safe, sofar, and there will always be commercial whores spritzing candy essences on worse-than-mediocre leaf. But even they should worry, as San Francisco and other "progressive" municipalities have decided that flavoured tobacco products target children, minorities, and the Lesbian Gay Bi Trans and Queer community, and must be banned.
Which is probably the wave of the future.

That, and higher taxes.



THE PROTECTED CLASS.

Eventually the only ones left may be the big business manufacturers of cigarettes. Who will always thrive. Because that's the American way.
People will smoke. Even if they have to sell the baby.
And smuggle it in from other states.
Like New Jersey.



PS.: The next meeting of the pipe club is coming up. We will be planning revolution and putting together lists of politicians, lobbyists, and health care professionals. Praise Baby Jesus assault rifles, errm, "hunting tools" are still legal, and likely to be so for years to come.

Come on over to the dark side.
We have wine and cheese.
And hug dolphins.




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THE GREAT RED CAKE PANIC!

And yes, you should run for the hills, taking your kids and dogs with you. Forget the wife, it probably means nothing to her, and she'll object to being ten thousand miles away from a nail salon and hand baggery anyway.
If she's anything like most American women.
Of whom, largely, I disapprove.

My ex, while not being like that, and quite a bit more sensible (say, why did she break off the relationship anyway?), would none the less be unaffected, and just shake her head, saying, "poor Toad, you'll just have to do without your red cake". And I would indeed, except that isn't much of a problem.
My friend Nick, however, will be utterly heartbroken.

It made the Upper Peninsula bearable.

That, and killing ducks.


MCCLELLAND NO. 5100 RED CAKE

A fully-rubbed Virginia. Soft and smooth, exceptionally nice. Bready, yeasty, creamy. Very many people huff this straight, for other pipe smokers this is the go-to blending Virginia they rely on for beloved private mixtures.
Several tobacconists have this as a house Virginia offering.
As well as an important recipe component.

Probably the best bulk Virginia available.

Which it soon won't be anymore.

No longer made.


Apparently one of the key ingredients is not to be found. Mike McNeil will not make it without that. And the VaPer crowd is in an uproar, calling up brick and mortars far and wide to buy all of it.
Nick bought it by the shitload whenever he headed into the upper Peninsula to massacre ducks, then would re-appear months later smelling of bird guts, watery foulness, gunpowder, and Red Virginia fumes, happily burbling something unintelligible, before switching to Fribourg and Treyer.

It was good stuff. But I never stockpiled it. There are several other tobaccos that I will happily smoke, including Sam Gawith's flakes, and many blends from Greg Pease -- enjoying Fillmore presently, from the very last tin that was at the store -- and there are numerous tobaccos with which I need to re-acquaint myself in any case. VaPers as well as Orientals.

Martin opened a tin of McClellands No. 12 today.

Last time I smoked that was years ago.

Very. Many. Years. Ago.

Shan't mention how many, because on the off-chance a sweet young thing is reading this looking for a mature pipe-smoker with a very neat beard and a civilized way of speaking, who bathes regularly, I don't want her to think that I'm older than Jayzus and skip me.
I am not an antique!

On the other hand, if you are a male pipe smoker who found this essay while looking for Red Cake, I am very sorry. You should investigate other products. Both Best Brown Flake and Golden Glow (Sam Gawith) are very good, and Greg's pressed stuff is exceptional. You're probably already familiar with Union Square, but you should try Fillmore (flake; red Virginia and Perique), Stonehenge Flake (Virginias and smidges of Burley and Perique), and Regents Flake (Virginias and a touch of the Turk).
In fact, most of the Fog City Selection is your cup of tea.
Truly lovely tobaccos, and very easy to smoke.


AFTERWORD

Dinner, upon returning home, consisted of a rubbed-rind Belgian-style cheese, crispy dry bread, very strong tea, and a wee nip of Scotch. Brother, it is colder than a witches tit outside. I've got a sweater over a sweater. What happened to our fine spring-like weather? I hate the cold!

This frigid wind is beastly, positively Canadian.

I am a tropical hot house flower.
Coddle me with warmth.

TOBACCO INDEX


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THREE SHALL BE THE NUMBER ...

What with tobacco aficionados going massively berserk and depleting stock from retailers on the internet, before it all disappears and we're left with diddly except for 1-Q and Captain Black, it seems to me that a short list of the smoking mixtures you need in your nuclear fall-out shelter is in order.

[Clarification for people who have not learned to smoke yet: In 2009 our president and the congress handed the tobacco portfolio to the FDA, which like all parasitical infections happily jumped all over a new victim. They finally published their deeming regulations in May of this year, going into effect in August. Products introduced since 2007 (a grandfather date) have to be compliant by January of 2017, everything else by February of 2018, which is only a year and half away. There is flexibility for sell-through of existing stock.
When the implications finally sunk in, pipe smokers panicked, and started a massive buying spree. Because, as you will understand, very few manufacturers can afford to pay a more-than-quarter-of-a-million dollar filing fee for each product, given that there are sometimes hundreds of blends in their stock, many of which appeal solely to a clientele of devious bearded men in duck blinds out in the upper peninsula. Which means that eighty percent of what is worth smoking will be gone forever in about a year or so.
Do-gooders and healthnuts did this to you.
Never invite the bastards over for tea anymore, and chase their horrid kids off your lawn.]


Yes, I am sure that all right-smoking women and timorous lady pipe virgins have already considered stockpiling Syrian Three Oaks, Wilderness, and Legends, by McClelland. These represent some of the finest Latakia blends available at present, and McClelland is a mighty fine company.
If you're going to be a female pipe smoker, you must take precautions.
A can of pepper spray, a piercing dogwhistle, and Latakia.
Avoid football players and fraternity boys.

Men too. All of this also holds for men.
One difference: handbag collectors.
They won't understand pipes.


A wall of tobacco tins makes good insulation for your library, and a marvelous backdrop for a little teaparty among friends. Just you, two or three agreeable souls, and fine porcelain receptacles filled with Assam, Ceylon, or Lapsang Souchong. Maybe some sherry later.

Please avoid all drinkers of herbal muck like chamomile, zinger, rooibos, and decaffeinated organic pomegranate chai. Remember the previous mention of do-gooders and healthnuts? Yep. Those people.

Anyhow, there are three Pease tobaccos which represent the paradigm.

In no particular order: Westminster, Navigator, and Kensington.

Bear in mind that though I am always right, this is just an opinion. Just like that bit about Assam, Ceylon, and Lapsang Souchong was an opinion.
Feel free to hold differently. I am concerned about your mental health.
And will not invite you over for tea.

Westminster, Navigator, and Kensington.

You will note that two out of three are in the English blend category, while Navigator is the only one likely to appeal to a VaPer man (or woman). And instead of Navigator, Union Square would also be an splendid choice, as it is a superlative layering of quality flue-cureds that matures very well indeed. Telegraph Hill (Virginia and Perique, complex and a bit subtle) would also be excellent.

But go for the Latakia stockpile anyway. This is because the people who most need to stockpile are the ones who like Latakia, which the bastards at the FDA will probably ban; sooty smoke-cured tobacco is beyond their comprehension. Latakia is a leaf that they can only loathe, and with all that non-tobacco addition (terpeneols), it is far more offensive than anything else. Trust me. I've been kicked out of places for lighting that stuff up, back when you could still smoke in restaurants and tea parlours.
There are disapproving shmucks everywhere.
Do-gooders and healthnuts.

Westminster, Navigator, and Kensington.

Many of Greg's blends are excellent smokes, and all of them are winsome and appealing to some segment. I myself have what I call 'The Wall Of Pease', which I started back in 2004 when Marty Pulvers retired. Over half of it is several years old now, and I plan on letting it all mature a bit more before I breach it. One of these years it will look very comforting in a real library or den, in bookshelves alternating with Proust, Camus, Tolstoy, Wittgenstein, Heidegger ..... actually mostly Nabokov, reference books, and manga, because I don't really enjoy weighty literature, it's so pretentious ...

Westminster, Navigator, and Kensington.


WESTMINSTER

This is a product for the lover of classic English blends. More than forty percent Latakia, and like Cornell & Diehl's Red Odessa, it presents a perfect balance and an old-fashioned sensibility. Smoky, leathery, perfect with a glass of sherry. Long on flavour, this will remind you of all the old London mixtures you grew up with. This is dreamy tobacco.

Tweeds, wet weather, and snarling at the dingoes.


NAVIGATOR

Pressed Virginias with a little fire-cured Kentucky, and the merest hint of rum. Don't worry about the rum, it really doesn't signify. A few years ago I smoked several bowls of this in quick succession while sitting on a ledge in Chinatown enjoying the sun. My heavens. They've now put an iron railing on that ledge because of people like me.

Before a cup of Hong Kong Style milk-tea. And after.


KENSINGTON

Among the early Greg Pease tobaccos I stockpiled. When I opened that first tin it reminded me of my teenage years, when the lads at Parsifal objected to the reek of Latakia blends. Shortly after establishing that pattern my tobaconist ran out of Balkan Sobranie, and for a while I smoked Dunhill 965, Standard Mixture, and Nightcap instead.

Hang Ah Alley late at night. That smell? That's me.


Westminster, Navigator, and Kensington.


Another reason to buy lots of Westminster, Navigator, and Kensington, is that, like the three previously lauded McClelland products (Syrian Three Oaks, Wilderness, and Legends), they are American-made. The skunk-wads at the FDA have no effect on English (Samuel Gawith and Germain & Son) and Scandinavian (HH and Orlik) manufacture, other than making them illegal in the United States. Many of the fine flakes and Virginia-Perique blends you like will still be available elsewhere, and it's up to you to find clever ways of breaking the law and smuggling them in.


Remember, it is illegal in San Fancisco to smoke within a certain distance of bus stops, public parks, schools, hospitals, and retirement homes. But never-the-less very enjoyable, and we've already lost any hope of changing the minds of do-gooders and healthnuts, so go right ahead.

Smoking around Berkeleyites and Vegans is recommended; it freaks the poor bastards out. They'll need medical grade marijuana afterwards.

ALWAYS smoke around anti-vaxxers.
Screw 'em.



AFTERWORD

Other G. L. Pease tobaccos recommended: Abingdon (full Balkan), Cairo (medium Oriental), Caravan (medium-full Balkan), Charing Cross (Balkan, yowza!), Fillmore (partially broken flake), Haddo's Delight (une mixture Américaine), Jackknife Plug, Key Largo (contains cigar leaf), Lagonda (pressed full English), Laurel Heights (Virginia and Latakia), Quiet Nights (pressed full English), Sextant, Triple Play (plug, mmmm!), Union Square (Virginias), and of course the blends recently released that reproduce the Drucquer & Sons oeuvre.

Other McClelland tobaccos recommended: Blackwoods Flake, Blakeny's Best Latakia Flake, Blakeny's Best Tawny Flake, Dark Star, Dominican Glory (contains cigar leaf), Dominican Glory Maduro, Grand Orientals Smyrna, Navy Cavendish, No. 2010 Virginia (bulk), No. 2015 Virginia and Perique (bulk), Oriental Mixture No. 8, Oriental Mixture No. 12, Oriental Mixture No. 14 , St. James Woods, Virginia No. 24, and Virginia Woods (ribbon cut Virginia and some black).


We are going into dark times.

TOBACCO INDEX


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THE FLUE AND COLD SEASON IS UPON US

My apartment mate informs me that she only takes aspirin when she is desperate; fever, achy, stinky, sweating through her jammies. She believes in the natural remedy (because it's free), and has spent all day lying in bed while cuddling her teddy bear.

[COMMENT: great, that's just great; if she gets a bit whiff, I will force her to take an aspirin. Perhaps I'll tell her that she's making the teddy bear smell funky. Wait for the scream as she realizes the horrible truth of that statement. Miss Bruin should NOT have a pong.]


Unfortunately, her nose isn't stuffed up....... so I'll probably have to head out of the house to smoke.

[COMMENT: I was planning to surreptitiously light up a pipe-full of aged Virginia Flake once she retired to her room.]


I offered her an aspirin. I'm a pusher.

[COMMENT: I've got two bottles. I also tend towards occasional twinges of gout. Aspirin makes gout worse. I am farklempt.]


She also says she's getting fat.

[COMMENT: This from a woman who weighs nothing. Nothing!]



I got home at eight o'clock after an eventful busride from Marin. Tomorrow is a day off, and I will probably head over to Chinatown for a flaky charsiu roll and a cup of Hong Kong style of milk-tea.

My apartment mate, with any luck, should be well enough to go back to work. Yes I'm being selfish and self-centered here; I like being able to light up without bothering her (rather than not lighting up), and puttering about the apartment by myself.  It's a perfect way to spend a Friday.

Her schedule and mine don't overlap. Which would be a very good thing if I were actually seeing someone. As it is, it's pretty darned golden anyhow. Being a middle-aged pipe-smoker in a city like San Francisco is very much like having leprosy or ebola. Middle-aged isn't good. And also a smoker? Jayzus, the combination of is worse than being the anti-Christ in SF.
By the way, I am not a vegetarian, and I rarely watch television.
Can't stand sports, so I'm backing the Kansas team.
Didn't know their name till two days ago.
Huzzah for the Royals!
Yay team.


TOBACCO RELATED POSTSCRIPT

What kind of 'aged Virginia flake', I hear someone asking.

I'm looking speculatively at a sealed tin of McClelland.

NO. 24 VIRGINIA
"A flake tobacco deep chestnut in color from extended aging of full-flavored Virginias lightly seasoned with Drama. A smooth, robust tobacco with the rich flavors of the darker Virginias. Especially well-suited to outdoor smoking."

Old and Middle Belt leaf, merest smidge of Oriental.

The production date stamp on the bottom of the tin indicates that it was made in 2007.

I haven't smoked a McClelland in a while.
I'll open it tomorrow morning.
When she's at work.
It's time.

TOBACCO INDEX


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FLAKES: A BRIEF PERSONAL INTRODUCTION

In discussion with an internet friend the other day I mentioned flake tobaccos as memory aids, and also spoke of the fruit trees behind the Smeets house in Valkenswaard, the yield of which perfumed their orchard every Autumn.
Earlier in the year we had feasted on the crisp sour apples before they ripened, or braved the wasps for the sweet juicy pears.
I have never been stung by a wasp.
But I've eaten lots of fruit.


The memory of those pears got me thinking about the kind of person who settles on a particular pipe tobacco. But here's the problem: most pipe-smokers are more multi-faceted than that, and eventually explore other aspects of their personality, with other blends.

As an example, I will cite my friend Spiros, who is NOT a pipe smoker, but does sometimes indulge in cheroots. If he were a pipe smoker, he would probably have a fondness for Bracken Flake, by Samuel Gawith -- a dark pungent powerhouse of a blend sure to offend all strict Vegans and opinionated Bohemians. But with his occasional glass of Jameson's Irish Whiskey, he'd probably stuff his briar with Erinmore Flake, to be enjoyed ironically. Or something English, just to piss some other people off.

[Bracken Flake: Kentucky and Virginia leaf, pressed and steamed till heady. Do not change a light bulb while smoking this. Jameson's Whiskey: a remarkably fine product, even though it is becoming the drunkard's shot of preference in San Francisco, having knocked Jagermeister out of the top spot. Erinmore Flake: excellent Virginia and a touch of air-cured leaf, steampressed with a bizarre fruity topping that smells of pineapple. It is the quintessential Irish product, whose reek must compete with the frowst of a mildewed people in a soggy place. Quite good, once the pong wears off. Smoked slowly it will not poison your pipe. Smoked fast, it may poison you.]

You can see that there are multiple facets there. He reads Dickens in between obsessing over baseball literature, and to the best of my recollection eschews poetry.

Your tobacco might say something about you.


FLAKES

There are four companies that represent the genre, plus several exceptional oddments by other manufacturers. These prime four are Samuel Gawith, Rattrays, Wessex, and McClelland.
Not surprisingly, I have a number of tins representing their oeuvre stockpiled, as well as similar products from other companies.
I'm afraid I'm rather obsessive that way.

SAMUEL GAWITH

At the top of the heap is Samuel Gawith, a stodgy firm in Kendal, far from the modern world, which was founded over two centuries ago. Their products appeal to bright young individualists as well as antiquated old fossils.

Samuel Gawith 1792 Flake: A dark flake made fragrant with Tonquin oil, which must be smoked really slowly.
I have reason to suspect that the regular smoker of this product obsesses about panties. Spotlessly clean examples of feminine underwear, ironed, and mounted museum-style on acid-free board. With a tiny label, in flawlessly elegant copperplate script, telling the viewer something about each piece. Which is odd, because the collection will never be shown to anyone else.
I am fond of this, but do not smoke it often.

Samuel Gawith Full Virginia Flake: Medium strength, with a note of richness, slight spice, good fruit. The smoker of this knows what he (or she) likes, and is not embarrassed by it. Probably has excellent taste in a number of other fields, but does not show off or puff himself (or herself) up. May have a fondness for red wine or Assam tea.
Studious, reads Russian and German authors.
Intense and delightful.

Samuel Gawith Saint James Flake: Top quality pressed Virginias and Perique. Full-bodied yet surprisingly smooth and pleasantly sweet.
The smoke for a dashingly daring individualist. What that mysterious person wearing the grey trench coat out at the far end of the field in the rain smokes, while observing the lads playing soccer and wrestling in the mud, in homo-erotic play as encouraged by all physical education experts.
The less said about high-school exercise classes the better. There is an offensive preening and smirking quality to its teachers. Ugh.
It's really darn good tobacco.
I own a trenchcoat.

Samuel Gawith Golden Glow: A thoroughly enjoyable brown flake made mostly from sweet Bright Virginias, but not a very delicate product. Possessed of a lovely Autumnal fruitiness combined with summery hay notes. Perfect for cold days in San Francisco, the aficionado of Golden Glow probably identifies in several ways with all of the most memorable characters in Vladimir Nabokov's oeuvre: Franz ('Frank') Bubendorf, Sebastian Knight, Charles McBeth, Humbert Humbert, Van Veen,
Charles Kinbote, Hugh Person, Mr. Vivian Badlook.
I am smoking it right now.
Delicious.

RATTRAY

Charles Rattray started a tobacco company in Perth over a century and a half ago, which to this day provides the gold standard of English style flakes. Despite it being of Scottish provenance, and its products now manufactured by an estimable set of Prussians over on the continent.

Mr. Rattray wrote a long and windy 'booklet on tobacco blending', the reading of which convinces me that I would not have gotten along with him. He may have been excessively opinionated and neurotic.
But his very fine flakes show a more feminine side.

Rattray's Old Gowrie: deeply earthy and fruity, the addition of Kentucky provides notes of chocolate. A broken flake. It is mellow, albeit not mild. Men who dream on Saturday afternoon.
An addictive pensive smoke

Rattray's Marlin Flake: Soft, smooth, oozing personality. Tangy and tart. Raisins, dark drupes. Slightly monochromatic, but that does not dilute its excellence. Long strips of pressed tobacco folded in the tin.
I find this strangely appealing.

Rattray's Brown Clunee: A fine but not complicated ready rubbed flake, that would be a good all-day smoke for someone who only lights up two or three bowls a day. It can have surprising character.

Rattray's Hal O'The Wynd: Peaty, fruity, herbal. Hint of hay. A red Virginia compound of great character, which can be over-indulged in, much like chocolate, caviar, and strong tea. Sensual, very much so.
It reminds me of my mis-spent youth. Which I wish were considerably more mis-spent. I'll have to open up another tin soon.

WESSEX

Kohlhase & Kopp, who manufacture the entire Rattray's line, also do Wessex, about the origin of which I know nearly nothing. The brand name suggests Marketing Department inspiration, the label art is quite uninteresting, but the products are stellar. This line is one that even a sour old grumpus could grow quite fond of, as certain younger grumpuses indeed have. I am not a grumpus.
Despite what you have heard.
But I like Wessex.

Wessex Brigade Campaign Dark Flake: Nutty and woodsy, fragrant and mild. Oaty. Slightly topped. It must be considered a medium -- an even balance between the sweet sweet darkness and a bit of nicotine whomp -- and is stylistically comparable to Rattray's Marlin Flake.
Verbose people will like it very much; it brings out their prolixity.

Wessex Brigade Classic Virginia: Red, red, red, and possibly a touch of something else. Hay, fruit peels, apples, a soft medium-bodied broken flake of middle-dark appearance.
Finding a tin of this is like finding a tin of orgasms.

Wessex Brown Virginia Flake: A middle-of-the-road product, which is not very complex, but ages exceptionally well. A solid product.
Late at night, when my tobacco-despising apartment mate is asleep in her room, I will light up a bowl while reading. Boruch Hashem she has a lousy sense of smell, and most of the year is allergy season. Latakia, dammit, she will notice even though deep in slumber. Virginias hardly invade her dreams, but to be on the safe side I will open the window.
If I ever end up in a relationship we'll probably need a far bigger space, so that the apartment mate can be not two but four or five rooms away. Together my companion and I will light our pipes at night, while the Savage Kitten falls asleep quite untroubled by the dense fogs perfuming the darkness at the back of the building.
A man can only dream; this product makes it possible.

I need to find a woman who enjoys a pipe.

Wessex Red Virginia Flake: Yes, this product is topped. No idea with what. But that does NOT detract from a fine tobacco. Earthy, toasty, tangy. Enjoyable, and you will find yourself going through the tin at a rapid clip. Share it with friends of the same bend.
It brings back memories; some quite perverse.

MCCLELLAND

For over a generation, McClelland Tobacco Company in Kansas City have been sustaining the desperate and depraved, who yearn for fine British Flakes as the market shrinks and venerable firms bite the dust.
The desperate and depraved are profoundly grateful.
McClelland wisely do not have a contact page or e-mail addresses. One does not want love-letters from the desperate and depraved.
Being neither desperate NOR depraved, I enjoy them for what they are: manufacturers of some of the best tobacco ever seen on this planet.

Blakeney's Best Bayou Slice: Small-sliced matured flakes with a noticeable Perique presence. It has more depth than you would think.
A fine product.

Blakeney's Best Tawny Flake: Medium brown Virginias, rather old-fashioned, not very complex. Perfect for Spring or Summer -- though not in San Francisco, where those seasons verge on a Caledonian nastiness, and the sun never shines.
Wait for Autumn, when the weather is better.

No.5100 Red Cake (bulk): All the fruitiness you expect from reds, but very satisfying. One of the most popular bulk tobaccos in the McClelland line-up. Figs and other vegetals, only moderately sweet. Appeals to bearded middle-aged gentlemen who lack the imagination to find their news on the internet. Surgeons and the like.
Decent old farts.

Dominican Glory Maduro: Dark cigar leaf pressed with reds and blacks. Once aged a bit, it is exceptional, as the maduro element will have learned how to play well with others. I would say that this is for peculiar bachelors and eccentrics, but I do like it.

Boston 1776: One of the club blends, this is a complex and busy patchwork of reds, brights, and everything in between. The end-result is a medium brown flake. Similar to Epitome, but needs a lot more age. It left me with a mouth that felt like shoe-leather, but that was because I kept smoking it wet. Bad move.
Not actually a bad product.
Needs more age.

Matured Virginia No. 24: A somewhat robust dark combination of Virginias with a touch of something Turkish or Greek. It is perfect for surreptitiously smoking late at night, when everyone else is asleep and will not scream that you should be out near the abandoned church one block away, with all the winos and drug-addicts. But it might be splendid there too, as it performs well outdoors.
Nicely pungent and bold.

Matured Virginia No. 25: Reds and blacks, with a smell that promises good times or adventures with someone you should've avoided.
Sweet, like the fragrance of baked desserts.
It delivers on the promise.

Virginia Woods: Reds, Blacks, Brights. Fully teased after processing. Malty, figgy, fragrant, and like pencil shavings. All in all a very nice ribbony smoke that inculcates reveries if treated nicely, and forms one of a continuum with other McClellands products like Arcadia (same reddish tastes), Yenidje Highlander (similar to Arcadia, without the stinky Syrian), and Orient 996 (buckets of the stinky Syrian).
All of these showcase the best features of red Virginia paired with black Virginia, but Virginia Woods is the palest of the four. Inexperienced smokers may suffer headaches and tongue bite, but people with a sense of humour will find it very pleasing indeed.
VW is the most unusual and likable of the four.
Good for an afternoon of passion.
Creamy



EXCEPTIONAL ODDMENTS

Firstly, I have to mention Greg Pease, known as 'The Dark Lord', by some sections of the pipe-smoking coterie, because of his huge spectrum of blends featuring Latakia. To many people all of his blends seem like Lat Bombs, and they disregard his talent for combining flue-cured leaves.
This is unjust. Greg understands like few others that no matter how Oriental the end-product, what holds it together and makes it distinct is the interweaving of different Virginias to present a splendid portrait. Over the past several years he has explored the flake world with a sense of adventure and finesse that speak well of the man, and sometimes makes one wonder at his sanity.

G. L. PEASE

GLP Fillmore: Complex, interesting, and well-made. Highlights the fact that Virginias are more than just sweet notes.
It is an excellent product.

GLP Jackknife Plug: Virginias and Kentuckys in a block that must be sliced by the smoker. This is an insane experiment gone frightfully right. Good for the brain, and deeply satisfying. This is NOT for dilletants or society hostesses.
Exceptional and unusual.

GLP Navigator: Predominantly red VA, with a touch of yellow, brown, and some aircured leaf. For Virginia smokers this can be quite alluring, addictive and seductive even. Medium strength, and refined enough that you will not notice till it is too late that you are drunk on nicotine, dusk has fallen, winds have picked up, and the attractive young lady has fled your embrace.
You wake up with a headache, and resolve to do it all again tomorrow.
Good stuff. I've stocked over a dozen tins.

GLP Stratford: One of his earlier Virginia and Perique blends, in a ribbon cut. A lovely offering worth keeping a few tins of on hand.

GLP Telegraph Hill: Once aged a bit, this is complex and exceptional.

GLP Triple Play: Another plug, with whole buckets of likeability. Mostly Virginias. Sweet, semi-full, intoxicating. Do not allow this man near your sister. She'll end up buying Charatans and Dunhills.
A clean pure tobacco compound, which I highly recommend.
It is not depraved, but it could be decadent.
I've stored several tins.

GLP Union Square: a medium flake that touches all the right notes. There was a sample tin at Telfords in Marin County, but don't bother heading over there to try it, as over the past few months I've "sampled" the heck out of it. There's none left. It was extremely nice.
I smoked all of it.
Hah!

CORNELL & DIEHL

Cornell & Diehl, who manufacture Greg Pease's blends to his exact specifications, also produce some might fine products of their own. Craig Tarler, alas, is no longer among us (passed away last year), but the company he created carries on, gloriously so.
A fitting memorial to a remarkable man.

C & D Opening Night: a lovely short thick flake that rubs out to fragrant ribbons, this is the perfect medium-mild Virginia.

C & D Exhausted Rooster: A peculiar compound sure to appeal to English public school boys, elderly degenerates, the decadent and depraved of any age and place, and nearly everybody whose company is thoroughly enjoyable.
Virginias, Fire-cured leaf, and Perique.
More full than medium-bodied.

C & D Kajun Kake: Heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh.

A solid square block of dark-pressed crumble cake of Cavendish and Perique that benefits enormously from a year or two of aging.
Better use someone else's best chef's knife to slice it.
It is rich, fecund, and surprisingly mild.
Delicious tinned perversion.


Recently, Cornell & Diehl have produced four new blends for Castello, a very well-respected Italian pipe maker.
The blends represent different styles of tobacco, to appeal to a full spectrum of smokers.

Castello Old Antiquari is a full English with a surfeit of Latakia. It will find plenty of fans.
Castello Collection represents a mild ribbony mix of red and bright.
Castello Sea Rock is a frightening Eury aromatic.

Castello Fiammata: A delightful sparkly Virginia and Perique flake, medium and reddish, which being the desperate degenerate that I am, I truly love for breakfast. I have several times smoked two bowls in succession, and been bright and vivacious afterwards. It tingles on the tongue. Tangy, herbal, slightly fruity, and very exciting.
Fiammata is a brilliant product, and a wonderful addition to the VaPer category. Both Cornell & Diehl and Castello outdid themselves.
Stockpile this one. Go utterly ape.

AUTRES

Other flakes worth experimenting with are Orlik's Golden Sliced (mild bright Virginia with a top-dressing), MacBaren's Virginia Flake (even milder blonder Virginia, hint of anise seed perfume), Stokkeby 4th. Generation 1855 (a partially broken mild-medium blonde flake with a lovely grassy note), Stokkebye 4th. Generation 1931 (sliced flake with an odd top-dressing that suggests something between a dedicated old fiend and a schoolgirl who wishes to be bad), as well as some of the Channel Islands tobaccos (Germain's Brown Flake and Germain's Medium Flake).

Capstan, a medium to full flake with a distinctive taste which had been unavailable for centuries in the civilized world, is back, now made by MacBarens. Quite a nice smoke. The sample tin is empty. The Golden Gate Pipe Club members devoured every shred of it, leaving nothing for anyone else. Damned animals.
Three Nuns is also back. Very tasty.

PERETTI

Lastly, I must mention the firm of L. J. Peretti in Boston. A fellow Dutch-American who hails from there has over the past few years introduced me to their fine products. Which might make me think of moving to Boston.
The climate, which is like a frigid San Francisco summer all year round, prevents me from even considering it.

Boston Slice: a mild offering, good for early in the day.
Cambridge Flake: not strictly speaking a Virginia.
London Flake: tangy,  with a touch of Perique.
Oxford Flake: rich and robust, very rewarding.
Scottish Flake: full bodied, fruity top-dressing.



AFTERWORD

Most of this modest essay was written on Thursday afternoon. I had two bowls of Samuel Gawith Golden Glow while working on it, then followed with a bowlful of Luxury Twist Flake, and a load of Kajun Kake to finish.
Plus three strong cups of coffee, black.
I ended up high as a kite and woozy.
Nothing to eat till tea-time.

Breakfast is for wimps.

TOBACCO INDEX


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