THE LETTER ENGRAVING FEE

A friend overseas, who is verbose, was preparing to celebrate the holiday while waxing in his eyes philosophical. As apparently one does. When the Iranian government is angrily lobbing missiles. Because our president is an idiot who wants a ballroom. In which to do his silly fist pumping shuffle dance. Which people in the red states go ape over.
Because disco passed them by. Entirely.

Which leads to the invention of a new German word. For every philosophical concept one must have a German word. It's the law. That's gesetzig!

Grabsteinbuchstabeneingraviertsbezahlungen.

Payment by the letter for the inscriptions on a tombstone.


Naturally I'm proposing a sliding scale. Some people deserve to be stiffed. Shan't mention which idiot in the White House I'm thinking of, but by all means let the inscribed text be long and meandering, and mention huge beautiful ballrooms several times, and maybe Epstein.
As well as disquisitioning on the beauty of Corinthian columns versus Doric.
Es muss wahrlich sehr covfefisch sein. As suits the man.
White marble, not black. Never black.
With lots of gold leaf.

And just as naturally, it should be in Florida. They love him there. They've named an airport after him, and there are plans afoot to name a space center and an amusement park after him, as well as school libraries, trailer parks, prisons, and a giant swamp. It's a huge swamp. Everyone always says they've never seen anything like it. There are alligators and pools of brackish water and mosquitoes and quicksand and everything. It's fabulous!


Golf courses too. With lots of asfalt for better traction.
It will make driving those little carts easier.
Beautiful white painted asfalt.
Nothing black.



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