SWAMP THING EATS

Among the hottest things this pending frenzy season are knee stuff. Three ads in a short scroll. Plus back massagers, neck massagers, hand massagers, and miracle wrinkle cream. The algorithms try to figure out youor age, and then try to show you stuff that pleases their advertisers. Based, probably, on key words that you mention when typing on the computer. So, being a typical Dutchman, and wishing to see more things pleasing to my actual demographic, I shall avoid certain words, and over-use others.

Tulips! Windmills! Bitterballen. Stroopwafels. Salty licorice.
Kroket, frinkandel, and heavy woolen underwear.

Well, that last is actually useless, having gone out of style since fire was invented, definitely central heating, and lord knows I do not want my social media littered with pictures of blousy blondes posing provocatively in granny panties, I'm not a Trump voting Christian pervert.


There just aren't enough illustrations of food.
Too many pictures of swamp things.
Oh wait, that's appropriate.
I'm Dutch.

What I had for lunch today was glorious. Rice noodle and meaty bits and fried chilies and mashed chili and peanuts and oil and cilantro, there was richness and tanginess and textural excitement, plus things that they never eat in Iowa, in a place where there were absolutely no people who looked like they were from Iowa.

Iowa, as everybody knows, is all about pounded fried murdered tasteless porkloin.
Nothing but porkloin. They worship their horrible porkloin.
Served in a little bitty bun.

Basically a lacy sheet of meat breaded and deepfried, wider than a plate and nearly paper-thin, no salt no pepper no garlic, the cardboard of meat preparations, made as taste-free as possible, with one lettuce leaf and maybe mayo if your lucky fries cost extra don't bother.

Time stood still in Iowa. They have Lutherans and sockhops.
And that everpresent nasty porkloin.



==========================================================================
NOTE: Readers may contact me directly:
LETTER BOX.
All correspondence will be kept in confidence.
==========================================================================