HOLD ON TO THE BALLS

If you choose only the broken cookies it's almost like you didn't have any, and therefore you don't have to feel guilty. Also, when you need to use the bathroom, walk down the hall twice to, and twice from, so that you get some exercise and your apartment mate thinks you're insane, that way she won't hide the cookies. Follow me for more brilliant life hacks.

The backroom had the usual bunch of fascist fossils yowling at the screen today in between trying to bite the lone liberal's head off, because the football season has started, and today's game showed the San Francisco team beating the living crap out of Miami. Because I'm a contrarian, and despise the political leanings of those men, naturally in so far as I supported any team it was the Floridans, even though normally I wouldn't be caught dead thinking well of those inbred savages.

But I was in Marin, and those fellows vote Republican. I hate Marin, I absolutely hate Republicans, and I hate and despise American sports.


Yes, I know that they are in the backroom to get away from the wife and kids, and grunt and fart and be themselves, and trust me I can understand that; their wives are all angry elderly Karens wearing yoga pants who probably shriek habitually, and the kids are all little twenty or thirty something congenitally entitled leeches who want a new car and a trip to Biarritz every year. Anyone would want to escape, even if only for a few hours. But in the Christian mystical tradition redemption is by suffering, and out of the sheer kindness of my heart, my warm and deeply spiritual humanity, I deeply want them to be redeemed. Ten times over. One hundred times over. So damned redeemed that they don't get a moment's relief.

Also, I dislike many of their personal habits and preferences. Intensely.

And let's not mention that Jeff sounds for all the world like an old whiny kvetching East Coaster. Hard to believe that he used to be human. Of course that was before he got remarried. To an anti-communist harridan. Who has him by the balls.

If she ever lets go he'll die from sudden blood loss.



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