PENGUINS, HERRING, AND LETTUCE

Today I could have done my laundry, visited my bank, and paid bills. But because today is Penguin Awareness Day for 2026 today, I didn't do any of that. It's Penguin Awareness Day! Let us all waddle in celebration of our sphenisciformic fellow citizens. Of whom there aren't that many, because they aren't native to the North American continent, but we appreciate them never-the-less. Or at least, I do.

The proper celebratory food to enjoy on this special day is "one herring whopper, hold the mayo". Per Bill the Cat's friend. Sadly, American fast food franchises are not on board with this yet, so it's still unavailable. And in any case it should be 'hold the lettuce', not mayo. If you're in Holland, like many civilized people, herring is do-able. Americans have not yet wigged on to good food yet.

A herring would turn up its nose at crap like lutefisk and surströmming, the first of which is regrettably present here, and extremely popular in some parts of the country.

There are no penguins in Greenland, but perhaps they have herring there, in addition to lutefisk, which might be the only reason to want the place.

J. D. Vance does not eat herring.
He is a very flawed man.
Possibly a Texan.

In any case, like our president, Vance probably prefers hamberders. Now, hamberders are a very fine food, to be sure, and far be it from me to criticise the beloved iconic national dish of the entire Deep South, bless their hearts, but the hamberder cannot possibly compare to the herring whopper with or without something held.

Hamberders are poor folks food, eaten when you're drunk, in a hurry, tired from a long day working, or you lost the plantation because them damned Yankees burned it down, dang it. The herring whopper is fine dining, enjoyed in a leisurely fashion, while you are laughing riotously at the funny bits in Gone With The Wind.


Hold the lettuce. Always.
Rabbits hump in it.



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