AN EVIL PLACE

According to Kristi Noem, people should be prepared to prove US citizenship. Because we moved overseas when I was two years old, I have an accent. Ever since I returned, people have called me a foreigner. Usually it's "real Americans" that do so.
In any case, I don't react well.

One time an HR director held up my paycheck for over six weeks because she was convinced that I was in the country under false pretenses. That accent. you know.

One side of my family originally came from the East Coast, another is from the Mid West.
I have absolutely no desire to see where they were from, because there are just too many people in the United States whom I do not want to deal with. That goes double and triple for areas that they weren't from, like the entire South. And ten times that for Texas.

Nah, I don't need to visit New Orleans, Charleston, or Miami. I'm good.

Also, I don't care how they make pizza elsewhere in this country, which is like totally unique dude and a tradition that outranks everyone else's pizza all of which ain't shit. Or their hot dogs. Kan me allemaal gestolen worden.

Kristi Noem represents the overwhelming majority of Americans.
Total Karen bitches.

Also, I'm totally okay with the rest of the country never visiting the Bay Area. There's nothing here you want to see, we have no edible food, we dress funny, talk foreign gibberish, and everything is too expensive. Plus most of us aren't Christians by your standards.
And there is patchouli everywhere, oh suffering humanity!


Stay away.
For the love of Baby Jesus, stay away.


This whole place is precisely like the Tenderloin.
There are depraved criminals everywhere.
We'll kidnap your children.
Brainwash them.
Cthulhu!


The Symbionese Liberation Army, People's Temple, and The Grateful Dead are all examples of what can go wrong when nice normal Americans visit Northern California.
Really, you should head to Texas instead.
Grits.



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