IMPORTANT LIFESTYLE ADVICE

Okay, we're cool with the Italians and Germans. At least they're open minded and up for a good time when visiting the city. So, mostly, are many other Euries -- though the Dutch (my people) at times are snootily superior and get under my skin, and the French are quick to blame communication issues on our not speaking a more intelligible language because they overestimated their own abilities to communicate effectively -- but at present there are tonnes of ragamuffin tattooed trailer freaks from elsewhere in the country slowly ambling about ten abreast on crowded streets enacting a feeding frenzy called Dreamforce. Which is its own ecosystem, spiritual life-changing event, and pop-culture mating dance.

Generally speaking I do not like tourists in SF. Many of them haven't done their homework.
But I admit that if it weren't for them all that fried rice and all those eggrolls would never get eaten, and someone has to buy the sweatshirts and tees with witty slogans.
Which are the very foundation of our economy here.

My own teeshirts (underworn) are mostly related to the computer industry, a saddly defunct toy company, and cigar and pipe brands.

And you will be glad to know I do not wear them with shorts.
In fact, I never wear shorts. At all.

All over the country there are short-wearing pipesmokers with nasty burns on their thighs from spilling hot beverages, or embers falling from their pipes because they unwisely loaded their briar to the brim, not taking into account the natural expansion and curling up of tobacco when lit. It's a real health crisis! Both of these occurences are often linked, one following the other. The ember touching pasty white flesh startles the pipe man and makes him jump or twitch, whereupon tea is spilled. OR the hot tea gets spilled and in consequence he drops his freshly lit pipe right onto his clenched thighs, thus scorching his tender parts.
I grow sad just thinking about it.

It's worse if the pipesmoker is a woman. Skirts.

That's why you seldom see a properly dressed lady smoking a pipe.

So I have three bits of advice here.

1): Never wear shorts, they're dangerous. Besides not being a good look.
2): Don't load up to the brim of your pipe, leave some clearance.
3): Wait for your tea to cool before lifting the cup.

Skirts, however, I encourage. It's a problem. A sweet young woman wearing a skirt just looks so nice with a good pipe (Dunhill group 3, possibly 4, or maybe a Barling), especially if she's enjoying a fine Virginia flake or Virginia-Perique blend. Rattray's Old Gowrie or Marlin Flake, Elizabethan Mixture (now under the Peterson label, formerly Dunhill), or pretty much the entire Fog City Collection by Greg Pease. Also several Cornell & Diehl products.
Highly recommended.



On the other hand, if you're planning to eat Italian pasta dishes, fresh crabs, or curry, then shorts are in fact a good idea. Because of spillage and clothing stains. Perhaps best to eat those in private with only a bib and Speedos.



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