After so much adulation for handing out water recently, Ted Cruz plans to fly to Puerto Rico and dispense rolls of paper towels. Then, California for climate consultation. It's part of the Republican discovery of Public Service as a path to respect.
Additionally, cross-country skiing is the new state sport in Texas.
They'll be handing out college scholarships for it.
No blacks or Mexicans need apply.
Actually, they can apply, but it's largely pointless, because Texan universities would like star athletes to accurately reflect the ethnic and cultural groups of their corporate sponsors. So most of them should be lily-effing-white and butch-ass male like you wouldn't believe. And Christian. Just like the Republican Party, where minorities are useful for the argument of inclusion, but otherwise merely decorative.
The whole country loves and admires Texas.
We envy them their brilliant bigness.
Oh gosh golly yes!
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