MAINLANDERS, MANDARIN SPEAKERS

Regarding the very minor civil disturbances in Hong Kong, people on the mainland are getting their nationalist knickers in a twist. They are not really educated, fed pablum by their masters, and may, heaven forbid, have very sheltered lives. Or tunnel vision. This blogger loves mainlanders, most especially the ones taking Golden Gate Transit to the bridge, cheating lying S.O.B.s, who take up two seats per person, and talk loudly. Or the ones who sneer at everything in a local restaurant, haggle and bargain for the slightest discount, push ahead of other customers, or send their brats over here to buy fancy sportscars, handbags, and designer clothing.
My affection for them is deep and wide.

In any case, they're angry. And vocalizing on Weibo and other sites.
What with being upset at Hong Kongers.


So, as a courtesy to Mandarin speakers and Mainlanders, for their convenience here is a short list of essays in which I mention them.

These are some of my best posts.
Do please read them all.

Chronologically.


FUJIANESE GANGSTERS
TUESDAY, AUGUST 13, 2019
A little something about exemplary provincials.

MANDARIN SPEAKERS
SATURDAY, AUGUST 10, 2019
More specifically, students from the mainland.

MAINLAND CHINESE STUDENTS IN THE UNITED STATES
WEDNESDAY, JULY 31, 2019
Again, those Mandarin-speaking members of the younger generation.

LET'S BE DENSE
FRIDAY, JUNE 14, 2019
Largely about pig carcasses dumped in the river.

ROTTEN CABBAGE AND STEAMED BRAN MUFFINS
TUESDAY, MAY 02, 2017
Conversation with a northerner.
I am a "splitist"

THE CANTONESE BURDEN
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 09, 2016
Lovable qualities of mainlanders.

A WONTON POINT OF VIEW
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2015
Southern dumplings (good) versus northern dumplings (dog food).

NO ONE IS GOING ANYWHERE, SO SIT TIGHT! 今天誰也別走了，就這麼耗著！
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2014
Younger people on buses.

MEN! SUCH TROUBLE! 
MONDAY, JUNE 10, 2013
What Mandarin is actually good for.

A FEW WORDS IN PRAISE OF CANTONESE
SATURDAY, JANUARY 19, 2013
Comparison between Cantonese and Mandarin.
Mandarin loses, hands down.

[Mandarin is what you screech at rabid dogs. It's a country bumpkin dialect, spoken primarily by inbred savages, who have no regard for manners, few standards, and little decency.]



There's a lot more, but you get the idea.

As a further kind note to Mandarin speakers from the north, stop smelling like rotten cabbage all the time, learn how to cook and bathe, enunciate clearly even if you can't speak a civilized language rather than sounding as if you have a rat stuck in your throat or a soda water syphon, no one likes mantou (饅頭), and lastly, if you stop throwing garbage on the street and hawking up loogies in public, you will leave a far better impression.

I say this sincerely, because I feel for y'all.

We love you.



POST SCRIPTUM

The Fujianese and Shanhainese get off easy. I've mentioned them in greater detail elsewhere, but it's largely those pushy spitting barbarians from north of the passes and the rivers who are targeted above.

The Shanghainese are excellent tailors and barbers, Fujianese make good oyster omelettes and pork dishes, Wenzhou people should not speak, ever, because their language* is frightening, and both the Hunanese and the Sichuanese have a culinary sense of humour.

[* 天不怕地不怕，就怕温州人説温州話。]

No serious mention is made of the Hainanese, because I've only met five of them in my entire life. Su Tung-po (蘇東坡) was sent to Hainan Island with the express purpose of dying of Malaria.




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