NORWEGIANS: DO THEY REALLY EXIST?

This blogger is getting almighty tired of seeing the name Jeffrey Epstein. Is it really necessary for the newsmedia to club us all with new and sickening details about notorious degenerates like Epstein, the Kardasians, or Florida? How about some happy news? Like, just as hypothetical examples, Russia not detaining people seemingly at random, African regimes not shooting their opponents, or East European officials not being revealed as ignorant illiterate bigoted swine? How about "veganism leads to intestinal gas", "Water in DC contains hallucinogens, that's why", and "Space Aliens are deliberately ignoring Earth"?

Stuff we really want to read.


"SECRET PENGUIN CIVILIZATION"

"Antarctica - Written records recently unearthed reveal that these flightless fowl created an advanced civilization deep under the icecap, complete with superior scientific achievements, complex engineering feats, and cures for cancer, before deciding "oh the heck with this, we are happy just snarfing fresh herring and having monogamous feathered sex once a year"."

"Fittingly, this was announced by a team of Norwegian scientists at a weather research station, days after the monthly vodka and akvavit delivery."

Because of the depredations of the local penguin population, they ran out of salty snacks to serve with their vodka and knekkebrød. They plead for understanding, love, and an emergency delivery.
The situation is desperate.

In all honesty, vodka, knekkebrød, and monogamous feathered sex once a year, all sound pretty good to me. Those Norwegians should just shut up; they've got it good. The penguins got bored with herring, okay?!!?

Any news article featuring penguins and Norwegians is bound to be immensely cheering. It's all that vodka, akvavit, and krill on knekkebrød.
Plus monogamous feathered sex once a year.



CONFESSION: This blogger knows very little about Norwegians.




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