WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

You know that I am fascinated by my blog stats, as it gives me a fairly good idea what people are reading, looking for, and darn well obsessed by. No, they aren't obsessed by me. This is San Francisco, and thin middle-aged dudes are not high on anybody's Christmas Wish List.

"Dear Santa, send me a coot for the holidays..."

This hasn't happened yet. Coots are standing by. But not holding their breath. Because coots are, above all, cynical and realistic.
It's our nature.


My readers are obsessed by food.

DIM SUM: KINDS, NAMES, PRONUNCIAT​ION, DESCRIPTIO​N
Mar 28, 2012, 11 comments
Pageviews: 4131

HO SI FAT CHOI 好事發財 DRIED OYSTERS WITH BLACK MOSS
Feb 1, 2011, 2 comments
Pageviews: 2044

SEA CUCUMBER - SOAKING AND BRAISING A DELICIOUS SLUG
Oct 1, 2011, 4 comments
Pageviews: 1990

CHINESE NEW YEAR - LUCKY WISHES, LUCKY FOODS
Jan 30, 2011, 4 comments
Pageviews: 1828

HONG KONG ROAST GOOSE IN SHAM TSENG
Oct 5, 2011, 6 comments
Pageviews: 1558

HAM SAP LO - THE CANTONESE PERVERT
Apr 27, 2011, 5 comments
Pageviews: 878

CHERIE CHUNG CHOR-HUNG (鍾楚紅): SMOKING!
Jul 3, 2011, 2 comments
Pageviews: 316

PRISON ON FIRE SONG
Jan 9, 2011
Pageviews: 314

NAKED MIDDLE AGED WHITE MAN
Jan 7, 2012, 3 comments
Pageviews: 288

PORTRAIT OF A NAKED SCHOOLGIRL ON A BED OF TOBACCO
Jul 2, 2010, 6 comments
Pageviews: 257


See, mostly food. The number of people looking for naughty bits (and not actually finding any) is much less than the readers fascinated by comestibles.

Yes, there are also readers who come here to read about tobacco -- something I posted about famous companies and blends seems to get a lot of hits -- but they are also a minority.

Remarkably, a post I wrote back in 2011 about Barbie dolls isn't in the top ten. Go ahead, read it, but this article is not about that.


This post is about food and naughty bits.
Food: Over ten thousand visitors.
Naughty bits: Roughly five hundred.

These numbers do not mirror my own preferences -- like most men, I devote more time to thinking about naughty bits than I let on -- but in a large part they do reflect what I consider worth writing about, and what I like to discuss with chance-met interlocutors.
The only conversation I wish to have about naughty bits is with someone who thinks I'm 'The One', and whom I likewise think is 'The One'. It is not a conversation for public consumption, it would instead be a deeply private and intimate chat.
Very likely food would be involved.
Cookies! I've got cookies!


CHINESE FOOD

The blog stats shown above show that smut, pipes, romance, and hot handsome hunks such as Chow Yunfat aren't as pressing an interest as good things to eat. Although both Mr. Chow as well as the woman who sparkled so appealingly opposite him (Ms. 鍾楚紅) in many movies feature as the results of querant curiosity, and brought readers here.



The preponderance of Chinese cuisine in the top ten posts does not by any means suggest that English speakers are also fascinated by Chinese cooking, but that when Chinese people have questions about food, they go on the internet in such numbers as to skew results. This born out by the meteoric rise in 'hits' the closer it gets to Chinese New Year (which in this coming sheep year will be on Thursday, February 19, 2015).
You will note that three of the top four are New Year related.
Mainland readership goes through the roof at that time.
As well as numbers from South-East Asia.


Chinese New Year is one of the holidays I am least ambivalent about; not being even remotely Chinese, I am not involved, and have neither expectations nor obligations. I can just observe the celebration as an outsider, occasionally cheerfully uttering a festive greeting.

All other holidays are somewhat fraught. Besides being not even remotely Chinese, it turns out I am not even remotely anything else either, though I don't feel that way.

I think this year I just might get my "bah, humbug" on way early.
The holiday season is actually very nice if you just ignore people.

Keep a low profile, smoke my pipe somewhere quiet, have tea and cookies, and when necessary eat Chinese food. With a bit of luck I won't notice everyone else having their nervous breakdowns.
It's the perfect time of year for cookies.

I am coot; hear me roar.
I've got cookies.



On white folks new years day I shall probably head across the hill to Chinatown for some cheung fan (腸粉), as I have for the past several years. Coffee and dim sum at a small shop on Stockton Street, followed by a pipe. Maybe it will be drizzling that day; I like rain, the city looks more beautiful when there's wetness in the air.
Afterwards, home in early evening.

Did I mention the cookies?

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